We’re still waiting to hear about “the royal family”…basically there’s a girl and 2 boys who are in need of placement (I’m assuming it’s a foster to adopt situation…and I’m assuming this information is ok to share….if someone knows the system better than me and knows that it’s not ok to share, PLEASE let me know!! J) The girl’s name is Kate, she’s 4 ½ and then there’s Harry who is 2 ½ and William who is 1 (seems like they just NEED a mama named dianna….ha). One of them is “blonde haired and blue eyed” – there weren’t any other physical descriptions on the brief info sheet…so I don’t know if they are all Caucasian or a mixture of races or what. That matters not to us. We don’t know anything about their background or situation or much of anything. What I do know is that our homestudy is in the hands of their case worker in a county in north Georgia (along with a “few” other home studies – not sure if that’s 2 or 3 others…or a dozen others….) and we were told that they need to be placed by august 8 (a week from yesterday)….so we should hear something one way or another sometime soon! (and by “placed” I don’t know if they mean “assigned” and a process of bringing them into our home begins or if “placed” means actually in the home…)
I know our homestudy has been considered in other cases with other children – and ultimately not chosen…and the general reason given seems to be that we have other kids in our home – kids that “they” (the social workers?) don’t want to be negatively affected by the behavior of children coming out of the foster system….i guess I understand that….but at the same time, seems like we would have more of a part in making that decision for what our family can and cannot handle. It’s not “they already have kids…let’s not give them kids….” – it seems to be more that “they” don’t want to bring children into our home and risk the well being of the children already in the home. I do understand that…and am grateful in sense for their concern….but I still would like to be involved in that part of the decision. OR they are reasoning that the child/children need more attention than parents with 3 existing children can give (though I really wonder if they can know that from reading some papers….). Whatever the reason for not having children placed with us yet, God is in this and we trust Him.
The word “amazing” keeps being tossed around in regards to us and this adoption possibility in particular. I am certainly not amazing. The Truth is that I can’t do this. I can’t be a “good” mom for these 3 children….I can’t be a “good” mom for the 3 I’ve got – much less the 3 that might be coming (or the one that God may bring to us…or the two someday…or the ANY that God may bring into our family)….and I’m not saying this from a place of low self-esteem or pity...and I’m definitely not saying it so that I’ll be praised and complimented by others (reminds me of when people make comments like “I’m so fat” hoping that their friends will say “no you’re not.” Those games are too complicated for my simple mind to play!!). When I say "I can’t do this" it is said from a place of FREEDOM. I can’t do this…and I’m so glad!! The Truth is that HE CAN (reminds me of Louie Giglio’s book “I am not, but I know I Am”…). He can do it through me…that may sound ridiculous to some…but it’s the Truth. In my best of moments as a mom, it’s not me being a good mom…it’s Him working out His love and grace and peace and patience in me and through me. And in my worst of moments, He’s covering me with His love and grace and peace and patience – working those things in me more and more. I am convinced that there is nothing good in me other than Him (sometimes the "nothing good" is far too obvious than others). If my children turn out “ok” it’s not because Nick and I have done some tremendous job…it’s that God has drawn them with loving kindness and they have responded to His love….if we can be a part of that, wonderful!!! And even if they don’t turn out “ok” by someone’s standards, God is still drawing them to Him and calling them by name and waiting for the day they turn to Him and run into His arms. We've submitted them and our parenting to Him....we'll do the best we know how - knowing that our BEST is pretty weak and that His power is made perfect in weakness.
I read a quote one time about parents taking too much credit when their children turn out well and taking too much blame when they don’t turn out well…I think God wants to free me (and us?) from the thoughts that if I do a good job, my children will be ok…and if I’m a “bad” mom, they won’t. There’s no Truth in that.
My job is to keep my eyes and heart and mind fixed on Him….my goal is not to be super mom (good thing, too!). Here’s another conversation altogether : Supermoms do not exist. There are super moms….but I don’t think there’s any such thing as a “supermom” – maybe that’s just semantics or maybe that’s just what I tell myself in my not so great moments to make myself feel better. I’ll go ahead and gracefully step down off this soap box before it gets slippery and I fall off.
Please do keep praying for these 3 “precious possibilities”….we’ll let you know when we hear something.
