Not quite sure how to put it all into words…
One of the very last things I wrote was “I love how the presence of God changes me…I came in down and pretty sad…a bit broken. I am leaving changed. Healing has happened. Little by little…I certainly feel more whole than when I came in. Thank you, God.”
The verses were Ezekiel 47:1-6, Mark 8:34-38
These questions were given:
What would it look like to “go all in” with God?
What fears (obstacles) get in the way?
What “other masters” or earthly attachments rob me of total devotion to Christ?
At some point He led me to this verse: Isaiah 30:8 “…go now and write it down. Put it in a book so that the record will be there…” that’s what I do – I put it all in books….so... these are the notes straight from my journal….
The stuff of the day is all over me – chalk, icing, ketchup, dirt, blood, probably even somebody’s spit…why does that bring tears to my eyes?
God’s response “that stuff all over you represents your fear – that your kids aren’t going to turn out “ok” – and that it’s a reflection that something’s wrong with you and your relationship with me if they mess up. That’s not yours to carry, dianna. Parent unto me – I’ve got it. There’s no need to defend them…or even to reprimand them in response to the opinions or the experiences of man. Eyes fixed on Me, dianna. Be the mom I want you to be…parent as I lead you to parent. Train them in righteousness. They aren’t perfect. You aren’t perfect. I AM PERFECT. I WILL provide rain for the seeds you are sowing (Isaiah 30:23). Plant the seeds I’ve given you to plant…unto me, dianna…eyes fixed on me.”
(side note for the blog only – ie, not from my journal – it’s so tough and sweet and beautiful and challenging when God is so direct.)
Thoughts from Ezekiel 47:1-6
The temple cannot contain the presence of God – we are His temple and we cannot contain the presence of God…we don’t have to try to let Him flow from us – He just does. As we live unto Him…completely unto Him…He flows in us and through us and out of us.
Mark 8:34-38 (keep in mind I’m reading from the message)
“Don’t do it in your own strength. Let Him lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat – I AM. Self-help is no help at all…” (and that lead right back to Isaiah 30:15 “settle down into complete dependence on ME.”)
Only in God’s kingdom can we
- Lose to gain
- Die to live
- Humble ourselves to be exalted
“I have the freedom to be careless (without care!) because I am in the care of God.
So then I looked at one of the questions and asked God…. “So what would it look like to go all in with You?”
His answer to me: total trust with the “outcome” of our children. Total trust that this adoption IS going to happen. Being unconcerned with money that is spent – just not concerned because you know your finances are under My authority. No comparisons…none. No insecurities. That’s what it would look like.
My thoughts in response: that feels impossible, God. I want all of these things…I want all of these things so much….but they just aren’t happening….not fully anyway….”
His response: “let me give them to you.”
My question: “how?”
His response: “little by little I’ll turn your weaknesses into strengths…I’ll give you practical action steps for areas that seem vague. Overtime you’ll see that I am transforming you –just as you’ve been recognizing it in other areas. For now – for always – just keep giving me all of you the best you know how…thoughts, feelings, confusion, hurt, excitement, all…bring it to me.”
I don’t know if any of that makes much sense to anyone…matters not. Just being obedient to share.
