I feel like every paragraph of this is going to start with “honestly” – but this whole blog thing is an “honestly” – it’s who I am…it’s my thoughts…and my opinions…every single entry is a humble attempt at “honestly”… all that to say… I’ll try to refrain from saying “honestly” too many times in this blog entry. I guess I just feel the need to preface “hard” statements with “honestly” – as if they need prefacing…
No beating around the bush here…we didn’t get the royal children. We were “close contenders” so that’s fun news…sort of like getting an honorable mention….but not quite what we were going for. Honestly, part of me is a bit relieved…and part of me is quite disappointed. Another family was chosen…glad I don’t have rejection issues – I might start getting a complex. My security and my identity comes from my Father – my Abba ...not from DFCS picking us or a social worker thinking we’re fabulous or getting “chosen” in any way shape form or earthly fashion.
I have no doubt that God sees how all this adoption “stuff” is going to work out. He knows the ones that He has chosen for the cash family….He knows their names and their birthdays…He knows their background and their future….He knows the exact moment when they will become a part of our family….and I trust Him to hold on to that information until the time when we are to know.
But (I really want to put “honestly” right here) my hope is waning (or waxing? Whichever means diminishing. Yes, I just looked it up – it’s waning….fading, declining, weakening, diminishing, disappearing, vanishing). BUT my God is the God of HOPE….and He keeps refreshing my hope. Hope that He is in this. Hope that He does have children for us. Hope that His perfect timing is what we’re experiencing. A not just wishful thinking kind of hope – a confident trusting kind of hope.
(honestly) I’m a bit weary and tired in the process. BUT my God is the God who doesn’t grow tired or weary. …and He keeps giving me fresh strength for this process. He enables me (us!) to go on to the heights! He doesn’t just give strength…He IS my strength!! Reading Habakkuk 3:19 the other day really encouraged me (and gave me fresh hope!)
He is increasing my faith – and I am thankful! Being confident in what we hope for and sure about what we do not see – not always so easy…but fabulous for building faith! I am confident in what we hope for – to honor God by adopting children. I certainly don’t see it – but I am sure of it!
The royal children seemed like a fit – to my earthly mind and in my simple opinion, they seemed like a fit. But since they’re not, I can’t wait to see who God is going to bring to us – it’s going to be more of a fit than I could ever ask or imagine. Cause that’s how my God works. He gives the BEST gifts…
I’ve been laughing for a few days at thoughts of how many times over the years I’ve told girls (young ladies, women…) that “if this guy isn’t the one, God must have better.” I HAVE to believe that for us!! I do believe it!!! If these children weren’t the ones for us, God’s got better (that’s nothing against the royal 3…I’ve never laid eyes on them or met them or known anything other than what was on a piece of paper….but obviously, God’s got something better in mind ). He’s got a sweet plan for the cash family….I’m looking forward to what our family pictures are going to look like in a few months – or a few years – or however far down the road it is that God increases our family.
Please keep praying with us and for us. There’s much to be enjoyed on this journey…I don’t want to waste a single second of this season…a single second of His love and delight and presence….
