a friend asked me in an email "so what happened?" this is my response (with a few added details):
i'm not altogether sure what happened.
i woke up this morning and got ready for the day - ready to go fill out some paperwork and meet our new son and bring him home. a sweet sweet friend brought over all things baby related (she made a late night wal-mart run last night). things were going well.
i had my phone in hand...just waiting for it to ring. (and everytime i realized that i had put it down i would run to it and make sure i hadn't missed a call!). i was hoping to hear from someone first thing - per my conversation with deena (bethany lady...who's name i'm really not sure how to spell...maybe it's deana...i digress....) a lady from dfcs was supposed to call me with further instructions first thing this morning... i had decided that had i not heard anything by around 9, i would call bethany...so around 9:15 i called bethany. the conversation went something like this:
"bethany christian services, this is kay."
"hey mrs. kay, this is dianna cash. is deena available?
"i'm sorry, she's in a meeting.... oh wait...she may want to talk to you..."
"ok. great!" (i'm thinking 'she may want to talk to me because we're about to get a baby and she has some instructions for me!!!!!!)
deena picks up the phone:
"hey dianna - the baby was placed with another family. but we have a 6 year old boy that we'd like you to consider...."
she talked a bit about the boy....(i'm weeping the whole time...on my knees on our front walk....)(i'm kind of a quiet cryer...until the gut wrenching sobs come out...i held those in until after i hung up...)
i finally had to interrupt and say "can you just email me with the information about the little boy? i really can't take it in right now...can you tell me what happened with the baby? i don't understand....i thought he was ours..."
her reply: "someone else was lined up about the same time that i got the yes from you....the baby was already placed...but don't give up..." i didn't really hear anything else she said, something about talbot county....i ended up just saying "ok...we'll talk to you later..."
(then there was more weeping on the front walk...some sweet people rode by on bikes and asked if i was ok...i nodded....they believed me - and rightfully so, i really was ok...just heart broken!)
so....umm...ok.... from what i can understand someone else was looking for placement at the same time deena was - which, just personal opinion - is a terrible system!!!! somehow that other person's placement "won" out over deena's (that's terrible wording...and it's not a matter of winning/losing....but i can't think of a better way to put it)
it doesn't make much sense to me! i'm really doing ok. actually i'm so much better than ok. i'm sad and worn out by the last 24 hours....but so thankful for the provision and promise and the presence of God. He has loved on me and blessed me and given me Truth - so much Truth - to stand on today. Great is His faithfulness. i don't see how unbelievers make it through anything...much less tough stuff. (if you happen to be a non-believer reading this feel free to shed some light on this!!)
so that's what happened....there's more to come about my day - a list of sorts :) cause i like lists.
