emergency calls.

i've called 911 twice in my life....

once was a couple of months ago after one of the severe thunderstorms had come through. a tree limb had fallen in front of our neighbor's house...i woke up around 2:30am to the sound of chain saws cutting up the limbs. i'm not sure where nick was or i may have asked him to go talk to the guys (i think he was visiting a friend in birmingham)...instead i fumbled around in my blind sleepy state and found my phone and dialed 911 (i really can't see without my contacts/glasses). the conversation went something like this (in my most sleepiest of voices):

"i live at 2215 19th ave...and there are some men using chain saws to cut up a limb that fell...and i just wanted to check and see if the city sent them...cause if the city sent them i'm going to be grateful and patient and impressed by their timeliness....but if they are some random guys cutting up firewood, i'm going to ask if you can send someone to tell them to s-t-o-p."

the lady checked and said "the city sent them." i said "ok. thanks." and hung up and waited for them and their efficient selves to get done so i could go back to sleep.

the other time i called 911 was today. if you happened to be near lakebottom and heard a siren today around 2:30 it just may have been heading to 2215 19th Ave.

eli swallowed a quarter....he was breathing but said it was stuck and it hurt and he was pretty much freaking out -- including phrases like "i can't breathe...God help me...i'm going to die..." (pretty big phrases for a 6 year old). i was surprisingly calm - including phrases like "you are breathing...God is with you and helping you...you're not going to die." i tried to get him to throw it up...that didn't work...he kept saying it was stuck so i decided to call ye olde paramedics. they showed up in a timely fashion...but they sure didn't rush up like they do in the movies. guess you can't always believe what you see on tv. the guy said "so do you want to take him on to the hospital?" i said "um....no....i just want you to tell me that he's ok." their opinion was that it had moved on down his throat but it was still hurting him because of the size of the quarter - that coin is rather big for the esophagus. eli continued to freak out a bit while the guys lectured him a bit about not swallowing coins (though i don't understand why my lectures didn't work last week when he swallowed a dime and a penny!!! yes, he did.). he continued to freak out after they left. he finally calmed down when i told him he could watch star wars to recover. sweet boy...trauma drama.

he's officially fine - he's fussing at caroline about something or other and having deep discussions about wookies. i'm very thankful that he's ok. wonder if this is going to convince him not to put money in his mouth....i'm not altogether sure.

(the other "funny" part was when one of the paramedics said, "now you know there's a $1200 co-pay for ambulance visits." i almost thought he was serious...almost...but i happened to catch the grin on his partner's face - and i thought $1200 was too high to be a co-pay. jerk. just kidding. it was pretty funny.)

another piece of our adoption pie. (it's a boston creme pie)

just wanted to share a little bit more about what happened in regards to last week...maybe it'll give some of you some closure :) ha. (i sure hope you can "hear" my voice as you're reading this...i'm not really serious about anyone needing closure on this!)(but if you do....here ya go....)

the end of the story is that we're sticking with bethany (i know some of you think we're crazy for that...and that's ok...). for now that's where God has us...and we're staying where He has us until He tells us to move.

we met with our lady from bethany this morning...she shared some thoughts with us...we shared some thoughts with her. the general idea is that she thinks she said some things that i'm not sure i heard....i'm not saying she didn't say them...(though i'm not saying she did say them! i'm just saying that some things were not clearly communicated). it was all just a pretty big misunderstanding...an emotional rollercoaster of a misunderstanding, that's for sure. i do know this...we all need grace. lots of grace.

i know what happened last week was a crazy happenstance....it shouldn't have happened like it did...but the Truth of the matter is that it did happen - and God loved on us through it. to experience God's love like that...ahhh....breathe deep - it's good stuff. and, in addition to experiencing His love, we're better prepared now....i know some key questions to ask if anything like that ever comes up again. i'm thankful for what happened...it absolutely exhausted me...but i'm thankful!

i was thinking about things and wondering how to proceed from here -- do we share even the tiniest of possibilities when they come up or do we wait until things feel more "sure" before we say anything? i'm certainly leaning towards being more open and vulnerable and transparent than ever.

one of the hard parts is that i really don't know this system...apparently social workers/adoption agencies/foster care advocates are constantly being sent information on children that are available -- they are these sweet little ads that describe the children and give some basic information. from my understanding, if a social worker has a family that's interested they send them (the caseworker of the child/children who are up for adoption) that family's homestudy and make some sort of contact with the children's caseworker. i know and trust that that IS being done for us - we sat and listened to our bethany lady leave messages and talk to a case worker in another county. we know she's presenting us well. but what i don't know is what the chances are of us "getting" one of the sibling sets that we've seen a flyer for...my big question is are these children "really" available -- or is it like a job posting where the job has already been filled but it's a requirement to publicly post the job. i feel like a cynic saying that....but i've seen these "ads" for these children and i think "they sound like a perfect fit!" -- but then nothing comes of it. or is it like a really good deal on ebay...you have to know how to do the bidding in order to get what you want. seems quite ridiculous to equate bringing children into your family to buying things on ebay or applying for a job....but i just don't know how the system really works - or even how best to learn the system. different people give different answers. we'll just keep asking God what our next step is...and trust that He's got a plan

for now, please consider joining us in praying for a sibling group that i'm going to refer to as "the royal family." i've just got to say that these kids need a mama named dianna (even if it's not me!). we should know a little more about them after wednesday (God please bless those children's caseworker who is on vacation...may she rest and be refreshed...but then may she come back to work and be drawn to the messages and emails and our case study waiting for her. may Your will be done.)

the fabulous & the not so fabulous

Not so fabulous things that happened today:

• Not getting to bring home our son/little brother
• Eli’s sadness – his heart is so tender and his disappointment was significant.
• No mail. None.
• Broken bouncy ball jar – the big one.
• Broken blue ramekin.
• Broken coffee mug (so sorry miss mary)

(lots of broken things today)

Fabulous things that happened (with just a few “not so good parts” slid in there):

• Special delivery of all things “baby necessary” first thing this morning - diapers, wipes, gas drops, diaper cream, formula, bottles, bottle brush, bibs, onesies, blankets (i am amazed by the thoughtfulness and generosity of a beautiful lady). (Not so good part: we’ll be returning those things…except for the couple of things I had already opened and packed into the make-shift diaper bag that was going with me)
• Pandamania music. Wow it has blessed me today…and having children worship to it has blessed me as well. (come over and listen to it with me – it’ll be in the cd player for a while….and it’s got great drum rhythms! “He’s wild…He’s wild…God is wild about us! It’s so amazing to think about God’s love. The God of creation is looking out for us. He knows us. He hears us. God is right here with us. God is great. He-is-awe-some.” And that’s just one of the songs!)
• Friendship. Real – honest – God sent – available – willing –awesome – amazing friendship.
• Calls, texts, messages, wall posts, notes…prayers, tears, hugs…the body of Christ is so very beautiful.
• Crave. The main thing that has made me cry today is the goodness and faithfulness of God. His love is overwhelming.
• The words He spoke to me during crave…absolutely priceless.
• Cherry coke comfort drink.
• Finding emma’s bebe in the prayer room (the not so good part: it’s been missing since Sunday evening) (javier got to hear my joyful “wahoo” when I found it!) (bebe makes naps and bedtime so much sweeter…significantly less crying...pretty much none. Hallelujah.)
• Picnic lunch in the living room.
• The rain that was gently falling during 2 significant phone conversations today – “ let it rain!!!” God, you're so kind to me.
  
• Getting to talk to nick (the not so good part: all of the tries it took on his part and mine before we actually connected!)
• 2 words: cappuccino blast (that was today’s surprise from nick….lined up before he left…I still need to blog about the rest of his gifts to me this week!!) yummy deliciousness in a cup.
  
• Sweet conversation with kaci (we should do that more often!!)
• The “super spy club” and their newest discovery of using the baby moniters to “listen in” on conversations…
• “Foxy green” chacos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Delivered by 2 of my favorite folks. chacos are the #1 thing I’ve had on my “want” list…actually, I think it was the only thing. (well, I think “having the kitchen stools repainted” is on my want list as well….and a new electric pencil sharpener was on the list…but I discovered a whole little bucketful of the little manual ones that work beautifully! I can take that off the list!)
• Seeing a certain little ring on a certain little finger.
• Calls, texts, messages, wall posts, notes…prayers, tears, hugs…the body of Christ is so very beautiful.
• I USED THOSE BLESS-ED MONKEY JOE’S COUPONS (groupon purchase that expired today!)
• I had fabulous company at previously mentioned entertainment center…and the kids had fun!
  
• Dinner with granddaddy at country’s (not so good part: emma drinks too much coke…it was watered down…but still….what am i thinking? well, i'll tell you what i'm thinking - at that moment i would rather have her drinking coke than screaming.)
• clean kiddos
  
• the playlist God put together for me while I ran (especially "my heart is yours" and tim hugh's "everything")
  
• Having a husband who faithfully takes the trashcan to the street without having to be reminded (the not so good part: when he's out of town the night before trash day...then i get to do it...and it doesn't have wheels...and it's trash-y)(but isn't it amazing that a truck comes around and picks up our trash!?! i mean, when you really think about it, that's pretty cool!)
• “I’ll give you a dollar if you’re asleep by the time I get back from running.” (a $1 for extra sleep for exhausted kiddos is a dollar well spent…yes, I bribe my children from time to time…and I’m ok with that despite the book that said “never bribe your children.”) now I owe 2 certain kiddos $1 each.
• Calls, texts, messages, wall posts, notes…prayers, tears, hugs…the body of Christ is so very beautiful.

It’s been a good day. Not at all what I expected when I woke up this morning…but a good day. Thank you, God, for all the fabulous things…and thank You for the not so fabulous. My heart is Yours…thank You for taking such good care of it and of me.

so what happened?

a friend asked me in an email "so what happened?" this is my response (with a few added details):

i'm not altogether sure what happened.

i woke up this morning and got ready for the day - ready to go fill out some paperwork and meet our new son and bring him home. a sweet sweet friend brought over all things baby related (she made a late night wal-mart run last night). things were going well.

i had my phone in hand...just waiting for it to ring. (and everytime i realized that i had put it down i would run to it and make sure i hadn't missed a call!). i was hoping to hear from someone first thing - per my conversation with deena (bethany lady...who's name i'm really not sure how to spell...maybe it's deana...i digress....) a lady from dfcs was supposed to call me with further instructions first thing this morning... i had decided that had i not heard anything by around 9, i would call bethany...so around 9:15 i called bethany. the conversation went something like this:

"bethany christian services, this is kay."
"hey mrs. kay, this is dianna cash. is deena available?
"i'm sorry, she's in a meeting.... oh wait...she may want to talk to you..."
"ok. great!" (i'm thinking 'she may want to talk to me because we're about to get a baby and she has some instructions for me!!!!!!)

deena picks up the phone:
"hey dianna - the baby was placed with another family. but we have a 6 year old boy that we'd like you to consider...."

she talked a bit about the boy....(i'm weeping the whole time...on my knees on our front walk....)(i'm kind of a quiet cryer...until the gut wrenching sobs come out...i held those in until after i hung up...)

i finally had to interrupt and say "can you just email me with the information about the little boy? i really can't take it in right now...can you tell me what happened with the baby? i don't understand....i thought he was ours..."

her reply: "someone else was lined up about the same time that i got the yes from you....the baby was already placed...but don't give up..." i didn't really hear anything else she said, something about talbot county....i ended up just saying "ok...we'll talk to you later..."

(then there was more weeping on the front walk...some sweet people rode by on bikes and asked if i was ok...i nodded....they believed me - and rightfully so, i really was ok...just heart broken!)

so....umm...ok.... from what i can understand someone else was looking for placement at the same time deena was - which, just personal opinion - is a terrible system!!!! somehow that other person's placement "won" out over deena's (that's terrible wording...and it's not a matter of winning/losing....but i can't think of a better way to put it)

it doesn't make much sense to me! i'm really doing ok. actually i'm so much better than ok. i'm sad and worn out by the last 24 hours....but so thankful for the provision and promise and the presence of God. He has loved on me and blessed me and given me Truth - so much Truth - to stand on today. Great is His faithfulness. i don't see how unbelievers make it through anything...much less tough stuff. (if you happen to be a non-believer reading this feel free to shed some light on this!!)

so that's what happened....there's more to come about my day - a list of sorts :) cause i like lists.

change o' plans.

God must have other plans for "our" sweet sam. he's been placed with another family. my heart is broken...but still trusting in God's goodness and faithfulness and timing and LOVE.

not sure what's next. God will let us know.

glad nick didn't get a plane ticket home...

we're having a baby....

...tomorrow! (well, now it's so late that it's today!!!)

i can already tell you this blog entry isn't going to do this situation justice. oh well. A for effort.

i don't even know quite where to start -- i haven't been doing the best of jobs keeping everyone updated on our adoption process because there hasn't been anything to share! (at least not anything that seemed like "much"). we haven't heard anything for months...we've been checking in with our lady at bethany - and kept hearing "no child or children yet, keep being patient." so we have been patient (for the most part) -- unsure of the wait, not understanding the wait....but trusting that we were waiting with God (not waiting on God to work - knowing that He was already at work!) in this adoption....and just wanting to wait well and trust God's timing (some days that was easier than others).

late this afternoon there was a call from bethany...."there's a little boy, 2 days old, african american, healthy, will be discharged from the hospital tomorrow, foster to adopt situation....are you interested?" YES PLEASE!!! but wait...nick is in costa rica.

i was thinking yes....the kids and i prayed and asked God "is this little boy the one for us?" and each one heard "yes." (even emma nodded her head when i asked...but she nods her head at most everything....though she certainly doesn't nod when she knows her answer is no....). and thank you, God, for technology! nick and i were able to connect and talk...he was thinking yes.

so i called the bethany lady back (don't you love that i call her "the bethany lady") and told her we would love to welcome this baby into our family. she said that someone will call me in the morning and give me further instructions/details about where to go and what to do. that's all i know!

(side note: all of this was right before and in the midst of community group....i am beyond thankful for the love and encouragement and support and prayers of my brothers and sisters. amazing.)

little baby clothes are in the washing machine....a dear friend went to wal-mart for diapers and formula and bottles and such...the pack and play is set up and ready...my heart is beating fast.

in case you were wondering, nick is going to stay in costa rica and finish out that trip....one of the only reasons i am ok with that (and encouraged him to do that) is because of the love and support and HELP that is available to me (can i just give a huge "community groups are AWESOME" shout out?! community in general is absolutely wonderful....good idea, God!...and i am wonderfully surrounded by amazing community - in my group and outside of it, too!).

i am in AWE of God's timing....marveling at His faithfulness...looking forward to meeting our son tomorrow. not sure how it's all going to play out...but God is with us and He's the one making this happen - not us. will you please pray for us?

"...(we) named him Samuel, saying, “Because (we) asked the LORD for him.”Samuel 1:20

perception.

this video is a few years old...but it's been on my mind for a few days now...thought it was worth sharing.

my MOST favorite blog - THIS WEEK.

This is the link to my MOST FAVORITE blog this week:

http://www.ccccostarica2011.blogspot.com/

i'm not sure which of the Sheek girls is keeping this blog...but i'm thankful! this is a first for me...usually when nick is gone i don't really hear from him/know what's going on. we have a (terrific!) mutual understanding that it's really ok (and best!) for him to be fully present where he is. there's no need for him to try to find an internet cafe' or borrow a computer...no need to call or send emails. if any of those things happen to happen, wonderful! if not, that's ok! i KNOW that he loves me and misses me and can't wait to see me...but it's just not necessary to have contact (i know that if anything crazy happens i'll find out soon enough!). SOOOO it's been super fun and exciting to get to check this blog each day and see some pictures.

i especially like the picture of nick eating while will intently looks on. it's very flattering. what i really like about that picture is that his shoes are off and his jeans are rolled up. and i love love love seeing mi amiga lauren in one of the pictures!!! yes, pieces of my heart are certainly in costa rica this week.

so far our week has gone well...time with the kiddos has been quite enjoyable for the most part! AND nick has managed to love me and bless me daily (thanks for his magnificent thoughtfulness and organizational/pre-planning skillz) - maybe i'll blog about that later this week. one thing i will say now...this world would be such a better/sweeter/more awesome place if more women were loved by their husbands like i am loved by mine. i sure hope that comes out in the way it's supposed to -- from a heart overflowing with humble gratefulness....i don't understand why he loves me...i don't understand why i get to be so blessed and taken care of...i don't understand why i get to live in such security in my marriage -- it doesn't make sense why so much good has been heaped upon my head when so many live in circumstances that are quite contrary to mine....nick is not perfect - he needs God's grace as much as anyone....but i do believe that nick loves me as God intends for a husband to love his wife. and i am so very thankful. thanks be to God for His indescribable gift.

worth sharing.

thought i'd share links to 2 of the blogs that bless me most these days:

www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com this one makes me want to give everything away and move to Africa. seriously. maybe someday. (and it reminds me of my dear friend courtney)

here's katie's story www.amazima.org/katiesstory.html

another favorite blog: www.aholyexperience.com this one blesses me and encourages me and helps me appreciate words that are well written. i love and am inspired by the holy way this lady words things....and the music is lovely.

maybe these blogs/words/stories will strengthen and bless and encourage and challenge you as well.

may God's great grace and peace be yours in abundance...and may He pour those things out on others through you this week.

thankful thursday, a day late

• Our chickens are producing eggs!
• That the word “ugly” written on my mirror has nothing to do with my appearance and has no effect (affect? i'll be confident in my use of these 2 words one day...i have a study guide now thanks to my other post) on my self-esteem…but has everything to do with the yummy delicious treat with that name that was waiting for me in the microwave .
• Amazing week for my kids at Wynnton’s VBS. Bamboo thank you!
• That “however ordinary or ‘out of it’ or useless I feel, God sees me as irreplaceable to the full telling of His story. We count – every last one of us – and what we do counts." (from the introduction to the book of Ruth in the Message Bible)
  
• Thinking about this coming school year
• Date night – late night pizza at carraba’s, walking around a closed and empty shopping center, fantastic conversations'
• Got to attend the screening of “Courageous (mark your calendar for Sept 30 – that’s when it opens)...i highly recommend it for moms and dads and other adults...but not so much for young kids...it was quite intense at times)
• The courageous hearts in my life…especially thinking of the edfeldts & their dealings with hearts.
• Sitting on the floor of our kitchen eating popsicles and having a worship service with 6 of my favorite kiddos during the siren worthy thunderstorm.
• When things are straight (or freshly organized)
• Rainy days. I like ‘em.

thankful thursday

• three at three (though it might should be called two at two)
  
• cookies & coffee
• free sample supper at publix
• long walks on the beach
• air conditioning
• cajun turkey sandwich meat, sourdough bread
  
• free wi fi
• headachelessness
• email to beth (FINALLY)
• "i like that day when God switched on the lights" - eli
  
• a computer with battery power
• a capable husband. in a plethora of ways.

refreshing. the rain comes.

I figured out one of the reason I’ve been avoiding blogging (yes, I’ve been avoiding blogging…and emailing…and some parts of life in general)….it’s not fun to write about having a hard time. It’s just not. It’s a little easier to write about having a hard time when you’re on the other side of it…but even that’s not altogether easy. But here goes. I’ve been having a hard time lately. I certainly can’t pinpoint a particular cause…and really it’s ridiculous to even use the term “lately” – nearly 3 of the last 6 weeks have been vacation for me! There’s just been something going on – off and on -- …some may call it an attack…some just coincidence….some may even call it summer (or the result of being “out of our routine”). I don’t know what I’d call it…(I don’t think I’d call it summer – I like summer….but I haven’t liked this). I've just been going in and out of frustration and an unexplainable heaviness…even some feelings of hopelessness (especially in regards to our adoption) – and I’m not a “hopeless feelings” kind of gal….I’ve been struggling to find contentment. Wanting to rest in Him and doing that to the best of my ability (knowing that it’s not up to me and my ability) but still missing something.

And then came last night. I feel like I could almost call this “pre-eminent me and post-eminent me”. I was a big mess before going to eminent last night (just ask the lady at the library who witnessed my tears…)… I was….ugh…I was so yuck. Tired. Weary. Grumbly. Sad. Sick. Discouraged. Drained. Empty. In great need…and, not that I’m not a big mess now…but things are different. After going to eminent, somehow me being a big mess is ok again. Being in God’s presence changes me. It truly makes all the difference. I can’t explain it….but I’ll attempt it anyway. I think the bottom line is that worship puts the focus where it should be – on God. Matthew 6:6 comes to mind -- “here’s what I want you to do….be there with God as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace.” (that's from the msg with some parts left out!). Really, I don’t feel “that” physically different today …honestly, I’m still tired…I still feel a bit overwhelmed by things….i’m still weary… but the focus has shifted from me to Him….and I’m reminded once again that it’s all going to be ok! It’s not up to me. It’s not about me. More of You, God. None of me.

I was utterly and completely refreshed by His presence last night….by His love…by His mercy…by His freedom…by HIM. Not sure why it was so special (other than the fact that things focused on, dedicated to and saturated by God have the tendency to be special!) – and I’m not going to spend much time trying to figure that out! Just going to be thankful. I mean, it’s not like I haven’t been spending any time with God….or haven’t been worshipping…or haven’t been hearing from Him or being refreshed by Him….my soul was just in great need and God used eminent to meet that need last night.

AND THEN, nick got us wings and fries from locos….and that was a different kind of refreshing altogether! God bless that man.

I am so very thankful to be loved by our God. The God who knows our needs…and rises to meet those needs – He rises to show us compassion (Isaiah 30:18) -- the God of all creation gets up to show me that He care for me. Unbelievable. He meets us with fresh love and mercy every single day. Oh how He loves us! May we live in that love….and never be the same.