so much goodness

• my.friend.courtney.
• safe & sound in madagascar
• jordan fixed our cabinets - and let the girls help him!

• sarah's thoughtful spot  and this quote from it "Listen, there is enough Beauty in this world for every single one of us to lead breath-taking lives." - sarah dunn
• just thinking of possibilities
• Nick is HOME.  he makes home "home."

• rob's courage, obedience and boldness
• church last night (sunday night)
• crew praying deeply for one another
• landrovers on the dock

• french toast
• shower hat trick (water pressure + clean water + hot water)
• nick unpacking his suitcase.  we like goodies. 

• "the confidence comes from knowing you are complete in My presence." -jesus calling
• rusks & coffee & conversation

• living at the ocean
• shea made me a cake (a chocolate cake this is all that a chocolate cake should be)

5 minutes on the word of the week: Fresh

fresh

Fresh is one of my favorites.  Fresh laundry. Fresh sheets. Fresh strawberries.  Fresh fruit of most any variety.  Fresh ideas. Fresh strength. 

Fresh: clean, new…not old and worn out. 

Sunrises. Clean clothes & towels. The beach before anyone has walked on it.

I think my favorite “fresh” is the mercies that God gives us new every morning.  Sometimes I want to go to bed just so I can wake up to His fresh mercies.  Now, before you think anything about that being “such a sweet thought,” you’ve got to know that usually I just want to go to bed to escape the wretchedness of myself.  For whatever reason I’m tired of me, of my attitude, of my selfishness, of my sin…and I just want to end the day and start fresh the next morning. 

And great is His faithfulness – morning by morning, new mercies I see.  He is so faithful (and so kind that we don’t really have to even wait until the next morning to receive our new mercies and our fresh start!).

Fresh starts…again and again and again.  So much grace.  So much love. So much forgiveness and kindness and compassion.  I want to be more like Him.

thursday worship.

• "feel the relief of being totally open and authentic with me." - jesus calling
• friends who are comfortable enough to just walk right in and sit on the couch
• october 17th (it's my 2nd favorite date...nothing in particular happens on that date.  i just like october and the number 17....)
• beautiful paintings

• "sleep in saturday"
• tasty ham sandwich
• listening to girls come up with ways to stop ebola while they are playing
• postcards from all over (mainly thanks to mr. jay, team marquez and there's even one from miss carey!)

• popcorn from the cafe
• "...far more interesting things to do with out lives..." (than compare ourselves with others) Gal 5:26 
• God's kindness in the midst of mess (see previous blog post)
• it's nice to crave something healthy for a change

• knowing our captain and officers are doing all that they can to find us the smoothest route possible
• martha's faithful service and smiles in the dining room
• marta's friendliness
• being clean and having clean clothes to put on
• timely words from an andrea who shall remain anonymous

• laughing with lisa (and the way she handles difficult situations)
• surprising people (and making them laugh) with random song lyrics that they think i would never know (for example:  "...it wasn't me...she even caught me on camera...")(i like keeping myself out of boxes...)
• pitch perfect version of "just the way you are"
• ally's intentional way of checking in on us and making sure the kids are (and i am) ok.
• thoughts about what will be waiting on the dock when we arrive in madagascar

possible winner for the "worst moment" award.

i may have had my worst moment on the ship last night. possibly. (i'm sorry that there aren't pictures...just use your imagination!)

this sail has been rough.  lots of rocking.  lots of motion on this ocean.  

i'm not one to really use the phrase "i'm done."  but that's what i was saying last night. i'm done.  i'm done with this rocking.  i'm done with stuff shifting around.  i'm done trying to secure our cabin.  i'm done cleaning up the messes (i really am done with that...i've decided just to stop cleaning stuff up until we've arrived)(though i doubt i'll stick with that decision...it goes against so much of what makes me me!!)

funny enough the main "catastrophes" of last night happened when i was trying to make sure things were secured.  we have an extra cabinet in our bedroom that was starting to shift - and i couldn't figure out how to secure it to the wall...so i thought "i'll just lay it down...at least that will keep it from falling over on us in the middle of the night...or at the least it'll keep everything from falling out."  no such luck.  in the process of laying it down the cabinet kind of fell apart on me (well, not kind of...thoroughly.  complete with little nails sticking up and the back coming off and shelves sliding out) (i've got a repair request in with our carpenter). And, because the ship didn't thoughtfully stop rocking just because our cabinet exploded, all of the contents rejoiced in their freedom and started sliding around the room.  fun times.  

so then i was trying to find safe places for the contents of the bookshelf (mainly nick's books and notebooks...so sorry, sweetheart) - the rolling cart (that has thus far been quite secure and tied up very well), decides to fall over....and i hit my leg on the bookshelf...and i just look at it all and sob..

Oh, and did i mention that all 3 kids are asleep in the bed in the room where all of this is going on (cause it helps me rest easier with all of us in the same room when the swells are so big even if it means less room in the bed for me)....so of course, now they are awake and 2 are crying because stuff is shifting around everywhere - and it really is a bit traumatic.  the worst was emma saying "i just want daddy.  i just want daddy."  me, too, baby.  me, too.   the best was caroline saying "i don't want to go back to sleep yet mama...i don't want you to have to deal with this on your own."  thank you, God, for such a considerate and compassionate comment.  

and then i made a plan...i get the cart upright and i start getting the books situated...and i know that the cabinet must be moved out of the room - cause it's blocking the door and IF there's any sort of emergency, there's no way we can get out without a whole lot of effort...so i'm making progress and getting the cabinet out (which is no small feat...) and then it's stuck in the doorway...but i'm persevering and i need to move a cabinet in the living room just slightly so that the other cabinet can scoot by - so i unsecured it and slid it...and i'm being a beast and man-handling the other cabinet through the doorway...and, before i can resecure the cabinet, we hit another swell and the living room cabinet burst forths with all of its contents and topples over - and it's another rather cheap/old piece of furniture - so now it's back has come off and books and games are all over the place...

and i'm done. and the sobs are back. and i'm thinking my world is falling apart - literally - and i'm done.  

And then...as i'm sobbing and my body is gasping for air, THIS SONG starts playing on the ipod -- "Sometimes" by David Crowder

Sometimes every one of us feels Like we'll never be healed Sometimes

Sometimes every one of us aches Like we'll never be saved Sometimes

When you've given up Let your healing come
Till you're rising up Let your healing come

It's your love that we adore  It's like a sea without a shore
We're lost in you, we're lost in you  It's your love that we adore
It's like a sea without a shore  We're lost in you, we're lost in you

Sometimes It's like we'll never atone For all the love we've known
Sometimes Like in a smile or a song When you feel love come
And that feeling's gone It flies

When we've given up  Let your healing come
When there's nothing left  Let your healing come
Till we're rising up  Let your healing come
Where you go, we will follow  Where you go, we will follow

It's your love that we adore  It's like a sea without a shore
We're lost in you, we're lost in you  It's your love that we adore
It's like a sea without a shore  We're lost in your, we're lost in you
It's your love that we adore  It's like a sea without a shore
We're lost in you, we're lost in you It's your love that we adore
It's like a sea without a shore  Don't be afraid
Don't be afraid  Just set your sail

And risk the ocean, there's only grace
Let's risk the ocean, there's only grace
Let's risk the ocean, there's only grace
Let's risk the ocean, there's only grace

Where you go we will follow I'm on my knees
Where you go we will follow  Oh, God send me

Where you go we will follow I'm on my knees
Where you go we will follow

...and God reminds me of the time when i first heard this song and i was sobbing and my body was gasping for air in the sanctuary at Christ Community Church - because I knew without a doubt that He was calling us to leave all that was familiar/all that was so comfortable and wonderful and amazing/all that was "home" and follow Him to live on a ship called the Africa Mercy. 

and in that moment, with furniture broken and shin throbbing and things strewn all about, i worshipped. in the midst of the mess, He let me worship!  and i admitted that i really can't do this - in so many ways i can't do this - and He reminded me that He's ok with that.  

And bit by bit i got everything settled...and i got myself settled (or maybe the Truth is that He got me settled)...and i crawled into bed, shoving (semi-gently) precious arms and legs out of the way to make myself a sliver of space to sleep.  And we slept.  

So maybe last night was the worst moment...or maybe it was one of the best - one of those moments when you know your world is falling apart...but you know God is near...and He is enough.  Enough for the mess.  Enough for the rocking.  Enough for the lack of sleep.  Enough for the children who are scared.  Enough for this wife who is missing her husband.  Enough.  

5 minutes on the word of the week: wait

wait

Just reading the word made my eyes well up with tears.  What in the world is that about? 

I hear myself saying it to my children “Wait, please.” …  “WAIT.” …  “WAIT!!” “Wait for your turn.”  “Wait for me to get done with this and I’ll give you my full attention.” “WAIT! There’s a car coming…you cannot cross the street right now.”  “Wait for me at the corner…I’ll catch up.”  “Wait just a second.  I’ll be right with you.” 

And I hear the littlest one’s voice saying (sometimes sweetly, sometimes in the most demanding of ways), “Wait for me, Mama.” 

Wait.  But I don’t want to wait (and I doubt that my children really want to wait either).  I want what I want and I usually want it right about…um…now. 

We’ve talked a lot about waiting here on the Africa Mercy.  Waiting on what’s next. Waiting to know where we're going. Waiting to sail.  Waiting, knowing that nothing is wasted in our God’s plans.  Waiting…yet not idle.  Waiting, knowing that whatever is coming MUST be worth the wait. 

And trusting that what Isaiah writes (and Chris Tomlin sings) is True – strength WILL rise as we wait on the Lord.  We will get stronger as we wait for Him.  Waiting = increased strength.  I need more strength…if waiting is what it takes, bring it on -- but I’d definitely still like to have something to do while I wait.  At some point I realized that I didn’t have to rely solely on the magazines in the doctor’s office to pass the time while I waited – I started bringing notes to write or a book to read – and the wait became quite enjoyable…even something I looked forward to. 

Waiting doesn’t have to be wasting.  It can just be another way to make the most of every opportunity.  May we wait well… 

Beyond the 5 minutes: 

Other avenues I didn’t explore: “why wait” “waiting games” “waiting on others” (as in serving others…or waiting on them when they are running late…) "the best things come to those who wait"

looking for the treasures...

• sharing our ship with thousands of guests (through public tours)
• when the flags are flying on the ship
  
• eli's chance to go off with the dunne's for the weekend (and his new stuffie)

• fresh air
• the lovely sound of nurses' chatter (we're getting closer and closer)
• time at the scratch patch (and lessons learned)

• the way nick thinks i'm wonderful (he helps me to believe it a little more)
• fresh air (yup, it made the list twice this week)
• kids' shopping spree at the bookstore (thanks for Christmas, Papa and MaMa!)

• surprise gifts from the schuemann's sent with the lovely marta
• going to hillsong church
• fantastic trip to Truth Coffee (and the fun art outside)

• elisabeth's willingness to keep the kids so that the coffee outing could happen 
• great friends to share coffee with (and to laugh with about my sugar adding abilities and the barista's "helpful" advice...)

• Quote from a great article on Ebola: Not one inch of the universe escapes the control of our Lord.
• beauty in the ordinary

• finding the pictures that i thought had disappeared 
• watching the hundreds of birds on the water...landing, playing, swimming, taking off (wish the picture captured it all better)

5 minutes on the word of the week: defeated

defeated

ei-yi-yi  This might not be a very positive “word of the week” post. 

Defeated.  Beaten. Loser. Down. Unvictorious. Messed-it-up.  Failure.

Britney Spears singing “Oops. I did it again” just started playing in my head.  Most often I feel defeated when I’ve messed up in the same area that I mess up in so much – my patience with my children.  I hate it when I can’t stay patient.  The tape plays in my head of the ugly look I threw her way or the thoroughly terrible tone I took with him.  I am so ashamed when I throw the hairbrush down in frustration or hit my hand on the wall in aggravation.  All I can think of is how I’ve blown it – again.  I’ve failed – again.  I’ve messed up – again.  Defeated. Defeated. Defeated.

But, oh the kindness and grace of our God! Now I’ve got some Hillsong guy’s voice in my head singing “the enemy’s been defeated.  Death couldn’t hold you down.  Gonna lift our voice in victory.  Gonna make Your praises loud.”  (my apologies to the Hillsong guy for not knowing his name….)

The Truth is that the enemy HAS been defeated so that I don’t have to be.  Wish I could live in that freedom on a daily basis.  I know I am not perfect - so so so far from it…but I am loved…and forgiven…and I am given new mercies every single morning (and multiple times throughout the day).  I mess up – oh how I mess up! …but I am not defeated.  I need to stop telling myself that I am. 

 ________________

Beyond the 5 minutes:

HILLSONG – SHOUT UNTO GOD LYRICS

The enemy's been defeated
Death couldn't hold you down
Gonna lift our voice in victory
Gonna make your praises loud
(Repeat x5)

Shout unto God with a voice of triumph
Shout unto God with a voice of praise
We lift your name up
We lift your name up

(Repeat x7)

FUN FACT:

You can rearrange the letters in Britney Spears name and get "presbyterians,"  yup.  try it.  that's just one of the great things i learned from reading David Crowder's book "Praise Habit."  Your life is better for knowing this tidbit.  

gifts, treasures, presents

• incredible notes & treats that nick left us (wish i'd taken a picture of all 4)

• happy meals from mcdonald's (and the fact that they are super cheap compared to what we've paid in airports and spain)
• fun worship!
• WONDERFUL friday (blog post and lots of photos to come over at our family blog)

• chats with naomi
• venturing out to the clock tower playground & the giant chess board

• "even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without His unfolding grace."  - 2 cor 4:16 (msg)
• hiking up lion's head (again, more pictures to come on the family blog)

• the "purse" emma created (more thankful for the process, creativity and fact that she worked diligently on it for about 2 hours than i am for the actual purse...though it's pretty cool).
• hearing the tours come by our cabin
• beauty

• entering into the ache with another
• new communication signs (so good to see jas bursey's face!)
• "be content with who you are...God's strong hand is on you." 1 Peter 5:6 (msg)
• seeing the mercy ships' videos on the big screen in the outside ampitheatre

• wednesday evening - movie with kids, coffee with amy, the kindness of the jones.
• bag full of crunchie bars
• perfect way to start our day - a phone call from nick

5 minutes on the word of the week: servant (hearted)...

Servant (hearted)

It’s one of the things I long to be…but so often fall short. 

Thinking of others first.  Putting the needs of those that God has entrusted me with before my own.  Seeking to serve rather than to be served.  Giving even when no “thank you” is said.  Cleaning with a cheerful heart for the bazillioneth time – knowing that tomorrow I’ll be doing it again for the bazillioneth and 1th time.  Loving regardless of the return.  Serving with a heart that has pure motives.  Dying to self and selfishness (oh how I despise my selfishness).  Doing whatever it is that I’m doing unto the Lord and not for men (or children)(or approval)…

Serving with all that I’ve got, knowing that there is One who sees – and One who is pleased.  And That One is happy to sing over me while I clean dishes and wash laundry and clean up messes (of all kinds) - if only I could tune my ear to hear His songs more often.  

And That One is The One who has set the greatest example of being a servant (while being The One that should be served most)…