This morning was not such a great morning in the cash house. It started off well….i got up early and went for a walk/run (I wasn’t even that tempted to just stay in bed….)….enjoyed some sweet time with God as I listened to some good music and enjoyed the newness of the day. Got back and everyone was still sleeping. Took a shower. It sort of went downhill from there…I don’t even know how or why….
An hour and a half later:
“Guys, I am so sorry. My attitude and actions have been horrible this morning. Unacceptable. I’m not sure where the fruit of the spirit is…I was certainly lacking in the area of patience and self-control and kindness and peace (and all the rest of them). Can you please forgive me for my attitude and behavior?”
Caroline: “it’s right here, mama. the fruit of the spirit is right here.”
Me: “how do you know?”
Caroline: “cause jesus is right here…and he brings the fruit….”
My question is this: How do we walk in the attributes of the fruit of the spirit when our flesh is doing anything but that?
And then I sat at crave and asked God “what was THAT about?” (“that” being this morning’s ugliness)
His response (with kindness and love): “that was your need for grace. That was your wretched self…your sinful nature…your flesh…anger in your heart….that was your need for grace.”
I’m so glad our God tells it like it is. No need to sugar coat the Truth.
Cleanse me, cleanse me from my sin!
And then I said “I just don’t know what to do when I’m in the midst of ugliness and want nothing more than Your presence to overtake the situation and overtake my whole being…and crying out to you seems rude & irreverent (even sassy!!)”
And even as I was asking Him that He was saying “CRY OUT anyway! Say my name. it doesn’t matter how it comes out. Call on me. The enemy has to run. I am there. Call my power and presence out.”
Yes, God. Yes. I’ll keep trying. I won’t give up. I’ll let you keep working on my flesh and my selfishness…keep chipping away at the ugliness…keep breaking me free from myself. I’ll keep experiencing your grace and forgiveness…and keep thanking You for Your kindess and love and patience (the very things I was so void of this morning!)…thanking you that you ARE all I need…and as I abide in you and you in me, much fruit will be produced….and thanking you that apart from You I can do NOTHING.
