4th post of the week...and you're not blogged out?! impressive.

so thankful for so much. though this may be one of the most random lists yet.

• the word paraphernalia (and that i have to use spell check in order to use it)
• our fabulous, awesome, amazing, great-hammock-nap-taking, competent, reliable, smart, funny, capable "computer lady" at the TA office
• TA thank you notes getting sent
• discipline.
• spending the entire afternoon outside yesterday (rest time for me and the kids included...except emma...she's still a pack and play rest time kind of girl)
• my childrens' willingness to quickly forgive me
• pirate ships being constructed upstairs
• finishing a good book
• color copies.
• paying in change
• mr sketch markers (they still smell the same as they did when i was 5th grade sunday school)
• good dreams
  

wretchedness...and grace...

This morning was not such a great morning in the cash house. It started off well….i got up early and went for a walk/run (I wasn’t even that tempted to just stay in bed….)….enjoyed some sweet time with God as I listened to some good music and enjoyed the newness of the day. Got back and everyone was still sleeping. Took a shower. It sort of went downhill from there…I don’t even know how or why….

An hour and a half later:

“Guys, I am so sorry. My attitude and actions have been horrible this morning. Unacceptable. I’m not sure where the fruit of the spirit is…I was certainly lacking in the area of patience and self-control and kindness and peace (and all the rest of them). Can you please forgive me for my attitude and behavior?”

Caroline: “it’s right here, mama. the fruit of the spirit is right here.”

Me: “how do you know?”

Caroline: “cause jesus is right here…and he brings the fruit….”

My question is this: How do we walk in the attributes of the fruit of the spirit when our flesh is doing anything but that?

And then I sat at crave and asked God “what was THAT about?” (“that” being this morning’s ugliness)

His response (with kindness and love): “that was your need for grace. That was your wretched self…your sinful nature…your flesh…anger in your heart….that was your need for grace.”

I’m so glad our God tells it like it is. No need to sugar coat the Truth.

Cleanse me, cleanse me from my sin!

And then I said “I just don’t know what to do when I’m in the midst of ugliness and want nothing more than Your presence to overtake the situation and overtake my whole being…and crying out to you seems rude & irreverent (even sassy!!)”

And even as I was asking Him that He was saying “CRY OUT anyway! Say my name. it doesn’t matter how it comes out. Call on me. The enemy has to run. I am there. Call my power and presence out.”

Yes, God. Yes. I’ll keep trying. I won’t give up. I’ll let you keep working on my flesh and my selfishness…keep chipping away at the ugliness…keep breaking me free from myself. I’ll keep experiencing your grace and forgiveness…and keep thanking You for Your kindess and love and patience (the very things I was so void of this morning!)…thanking you that you ARE all I need…and as I abide in you and you in me, much fruit will be produced….and thanking you that apart from You I can do NOTHING.

Kisses From Katie - Quotes

Hang on tight…here come a bunch of quotes. These are my favorites from Katie Davis’s book “Kisses from Katie” (if you missed the link I posted a few months ago to this precious sister’s blog, here ya go: kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com ). Definitely the best book I’ve read lately…would certainly be on my Assigned Reading list for everyone I love. This book challenged me...blessed me...encouraged me.

“individuals are extremely important; every life matters.”

“…they (people who want to make a difference) don’t do anything to call attention to themselves, they simply pay attention to the everyday needs of others, even if it’s only one person…”

“…wants more than anything to obey God and say yes to whatever He asks of me…”

“…ordinary people who love an extraordinary God…”

“I will not change the world. Jesus will do that. I can, however, let Him use me to change the world for one person.”

“…I am more more terrified of living a comfortable life in a self-serving society and failing to follow Jesus than I am of any illness or tragedy.”

“I sit here in a broken world, small and dirty at his feet, and He who sits on high chooses to commune with me, to love me anyway.”

“….jumping for joy, so full of God’s love that we can’t stay still.”

“I , as a person who grew up wealthy, put value in things. These children, having no things, put value in God.”

“They rejoiced in what the Lord had given them…”

“Share…without holding back, giving our all and believing that the Lord will provide more as needed...”

“God did not make too many people and not enough resources to go around. Because we are living in His world, there HAS to be a solution.” (to poverty, hunger, thirst)

“Do I deny Jesus the glory that is His?”

“Poverty is not a sin; it is a condition, a circumstance that allows God’s work to be displayed.”

“…care for those around you out of an overflow of love for Christ and the love that He has lavished upon you.”

“adoption is His heart.”

“We all have so much more in common than we have distinctions. So much more that binds us together than keeps us apart.”

“When we stop to be kind when we don’t want to, that’s when the sacrifice becomes most rewarding.”

“If being a new mother taught me anything, it was just how inadequate I am and just how dependent I am on my father to give me strength and grace for each day.” (amen.)

“…a desire to be more, to be better, to be close to the One who made us…”

“I made peace with feeling inadequate because the Truth is, I was. I still am…”

“…147 million orphaned children in the world to each have a mommy who knows what they like for dinner.” (one of her prayers/desires)

“following God is an education of its own.”

“Obey and be faithful to only what He has asked of me, even when tangible earthly results or successes are not seen.”

“Often in an unideal situation, there is not an ideal solution this side of heaven.”

“As I do what I can, I am able to watch Him do what only He can.”

“I am not brave. I just believe in a God who will use me even though I am not.”

“In him, even sorrow is joy.”

“When harsh words are easier to find than kind ones, let me choose You.”

“Lord, may we choose you every moment of every day.”

Freedom!

Freedom…what a word. Does anyone remember back a few years ago when someone (or some organization or some something…??) made a push for Americans to stop using the word “French” and replace it with “Freedom” (were we mad at the French? idk). So, instead of French Toast, it was to be “freedom toast”…and no more “French Fries”, let’s call them “freedom fries”….and I can’t think of any other examples at the moment…but my brother really took to that concept….especially in the area of “french fries” – he still calls them freedom fries sometimes (is he mad at the French? I’ll have to ask him). Makes me laugh. I most certainly digress….back to the point….

Freedom…what a word! A word I love…a word I treasure…a word I certainly appreciate - but not nearly as much as some. I’m thinking of soldiers and slaves…thinking of those who have fought for freedom...thinking of those who have been imprisoned literally and/or figuratively…just thinking that I love the word – but I don’t truly grasp it! But I want to! I want to live in God’s perfect freedom….a slave only to Him – I do believe that is perfect freedom.

All that to say, God’s been showing me more and more about the concept of freedom…taking me to deeper places with Him in the realm of freedom…helping me to live in the freedom that He has set me free to live in!

At Crave the other day we read the day’s excerpt from “Jesus Calling” (October 12)….part of it said “it’s nearly impossible to discern what others actually think of you.” From that line – and the thoughts that God shared with me after that - He has produced much freedom for my soul! After I read that I thought, “But it’s NOT impossible to discern what God thinks of you!! We can just ask Him!” We can approach our Faithful Father and ask “God, what are your thoughts towards me? What do you think of me? Who do you say that I am? What do you like about me?” (try it...see what happens….)(if you ever want to talk about listening to God, I’d love to…it’s one of my most favorite things to do! A sweet journey that God’s been allowing me to take with Him…He’s so good…so full of undeserved gifts and grace.)

More thoughts that followed that day at crave:
--We can worship freely because it doesn’t matter what anyone else says or thinks – only what He says and thinks!
--We can wear the same clothes over and over and over again because it doesn’t matter what anyone else says or thinks – only what He says and thinks!
--We can DO whatever it is that God wants us to do because IT DOES NOT MATTER what anyone else says or thinks – only what He says and thinks!

There is so much freedom set out for us…

But so many of us are so bound up and tied up by the opinions of others - maybe even in our opinion of ourselves! Opinions that are irrelevant!

These next few thoughts are from Galatians 5 (or are thoughts that were prompted by Galatians 5) (I highly recommend reading it if you get a chance)(reading it from The Message version was helpful to me on this particular day).

“He has set us free to live a free life – not with a harness of slavery.” Why are we so quick to exchange our freedom for slavery? To exchange the opinion of The One that matters for the opinions of man.

“The moment we submit to any of the world’s rules, Christ’s hard won gift is squandered…we trade all the advantages of the free life in Christ for the obligations of the slave life.” Why would we do that?! Why would we squander His gift – why would we waste His love and sacrifice…and for slavery??? That doesn’t make any sense! Why do we do it?!

“Live freely…animated and motivated by God’s spirit…then you won’t feed the compulsions of selfishness.” Maybe it’s selfishness that’s at the root of pleasing man…wanting to be accepted…wanting to be loved…wanting to be admired (the Truth is that we’re already all of those things – accepted, loved, admired by the One who accepts, loves and admires perfectly).

So whether high or low, good or bad…the opinions of others DO NOT MATTER…and my opinions of myself DO NOT MATTER…AND, our opinions of others DO NOT MATTER…His opinion matters.

These thoughts that God shared with me a couple of Wednesdays ago have really lead me to a new place of freedom in Him and in who I am in Him - a new layer of the "freedom onion" (not to be confused with french onion)(sorry, I couldn't resist) has been peeled back! I am so grateful! There’s still much work to be done….honestly, I want to get to the place where I never even consider the opinions of others - a place where I live ONLY for an Audience of One - that seems a bit impossible….but God speaks directly to things that seem impossible saying that with Him they ARE possible. I’ll just keep seeking Him…spending time with Him…listening to His opinion…only seeking to please the One who has already told me that He’s pleased with me. (By the way, He’s pleased with you, too.)

God will you help us have your opinion of ourselves and of others...your opinion is the only one that matters. We want to walk in your freedom….run, dance, laugh, live, BE in your freedom.

'cause it's thursday

• super fast super awesome copier at the TA office
• grace and forgiveness (especially in regards to a horrible attitude)
• living room full of friends
• pumpkin spice coffee delivered to my backdoor
• cheeseburgers
• unexpected big checks that come in the mail to TAs. God is so faithful. i'm so sorry for the threads of doubt that have entered my mind.
  
• a child who asks to mop ("please, can i mop? please?")("um...ok.")
• work to be done
• warm cozy bed that's hard to get out of on chilly mornings
• fun band-aids
• the extreme applicability of God's word (is "applicability" a word?)(word or not, His word is so applicable!)
  

beautiful things - song worth sharing

http://www.youtube.com/embed/nJ4yNYY1hHM

cause i need to be reminded that He makes me new...He makes beautiful things out of the dust....He makes beautiful things out of us. Life is being found in Him.

so thankful.

these are the last few entries from my “giving thanks” journal (or whatever you want to call the book where I write down the HUGE and tiny gifts that God shares with me):

• Emma’s camera smile (that’s not really a smile at all but oh so cute)
• A dad who doesn’t have to be begged to take his son to get a haircut – he takes him without even being asked (and, honestly, before I even noticed that our son needed a haircut!)
• Fun colored pens
• The white’s tire swing!!!!
• The joy and happiness that Caitlin Carr brings into our home!
• The book “Kisses from Katie” (quotes will certainly follow sometime soon)
• There’s always more to give away
• Nicole’s sewing abilities…helped keep me a little less exposed!
• Accents (as in voices…not as in marks)
• (loud) Late night worship and cleaning
• 100 laughs is the equivalent of running 10 miles for your heart
• Carey Bray.
• Hannah dew’s cookies. As delicious (dewlicious!) as ever.
• Sweet little impromptu picnics in the park (and the gap of sunshine that allowed for a picnic!)
• Trying to remember to laugh more (there really is so much to laugh at/about)
  
• Getting things done that have to get done.
• Apples with peanut butter
• Conversation with Addie on Monday
• Free wi-fi at Chick Fil A
  

Favorite caroline quote this week:
Me – “caroline, close the car door after you get out.”
Her – “mama. The MAN is supposed to close the door for the WO-MAN” (this was said rather emphatically….one could even use the word “sassy”...with her hands on her hips and her head shaking and everything)

Favorite eli quote this week:
“there are some of those crying willow trees, mama."

my husband is awesome. i like sleep.

I’m not quite sure how to brag on my husband without sounding boastful….but my heart is not boastful, just proud (proud in the best sense of the word…not in a “prideful” way! Is that possible?!? Ha). I’m so very thankful for my husband and his friendship…and honored that I get to be nick cash’s wife…and humbled because it’s not because of me that he’s so awesome – it’s because of Him (capital “H” intentional)…and it’s because of the way he (little “h”) seeks Him (big “H”). nick loves God…and I am the number one person who benefits from how he longs to honor God. nick seeks to love me as Christ loves the church….and he does a tremendous job of that. I have the amazing privilege of knowing and experiencing God’s love through my husband. What a gift. An undeserved gift of grace and kindness. My heart is a bit overwhelmed (in the best of ways) just thinking about it.

I didn’t start this blog entry intending to say all that. I intended to say something along the lines of “I am so very blessed to have a husband who remembers our anniversaries.” (plural of anniversary intentional) The typical man -or at least those portrayed on ye olde television and in the theaters - has a hard time remembering his wedding date (and maybe it’s that he has a hard time “remembering” his wife at all…but that may be another post for another day – or another blog altogether….). My dear fella not only faithfully, consistently and wonderfully celebrates our wedding anniversary….he also remembers and celebrates the anniversary of our first kiss…and our first date…and our engagement . He’s good at celebrating us.

This year celebrating the anniversary of our first kiss was especially sweet and memorable. I woke up in the middle of the night – or at least I thought it was the middle of the night…and I got up to go to the bathroom…and I met nick coming back to bed (or at least I thought he was coming back to bed)…and he took me and hugged me and I noticed that he had super fresh breath (not a normal occurrence in the middle of the night for any normal human being)…and then he kissed me – me and my not so fresh breath and all (that was brave of him)…and said something sweet about celebrating the anniversary of our first kiss (keep in mind, my mind wasn’t fully functioning….i was trying to stay in the “it’s the middle of the night, I’m going to the bathroom and going back to sleep without fully waking up” state of being). Somewhere in that moment I realized that not only was his breath fresh, his whole body was clean…and I thought “why did he take a shower in the middle of the night?” And as I’m thinking about how good he smells and how wonderful he is to remember our first kiss in the middle of the night (not that our first kiss was in the middle of the night), somehow I realized that it is not in fact the middle of the night but rather it is the morning and it’s time for me to take a shower and get ready to go to the first day of the Catalyst Conference…and, as exciting as that thought was, really I just wanted to go to the bathroom and then crawl back in bed for the rest of my night’s sleep…

All that to say, my husband is awesome. And I like sleep. Here’s to celebrating 11 years of kissing (feel free to raise your glass and say “cheers”) (toasting is quite the fun activity….).