so very thankful. it IS thursday afterall.

• cappucino blasts & pedicures with my lovely sister
• cabin toast (even though we weren't at the cabin)
• walking around with amy (maple ridge, lakebottom, downtown)
• pickled okra (yup, i like it.)
• headbands
• oriental trading "shopping spree" (funded by YaYa!)
• the kids' baptisms!!
• friday night in general...i <3 potluck...and sweet fellowship
• the kids' books (with notes, pictures, prayers from other kids)(pictures here)
• bibles for eli and caroline from MaMa and Papa
• emma's "bendaroos" gift for Winston
• 2 Chronicles 14
• starbucks with amy & courtney
• beginnings of "gateway for kids"
• listening to carey play with and talk to emma
• AMAZING BEYOND WORDS COMMUNITY GROUP
• cherry coke
• sonic ice
• red lobster biscuits
• fondue!
• dipping sauces (including melted cheese!!)
• twice baked potatoes
• gummi bears
• hot tamales
• cucumbers
• fellowship around the table
• encouraging words
• they know us & our favorite things....what a gift.
• checks that come in the mail at the TA office at JUST the right time and cause the doxology to roar in my head!  God sent just what we asked for!!!  (no withdrawal from the emergency savings account this month!!!  yay!!!!)
• time with mishawn last night...another cappucino blast!!  sweet time walking around various shopping centers!
• a GOOD night of sleep. didn't wake up a single time, not even once, until morning. 
• copy machines and paper cutters
• emma's bed head.
• singing the "baby, baby" song with caroline and emma and nick (eli will not participate)

God is so good....God is so good....God is so good...He's so good to me (that's the first song i learned to play on the piano)

• cookouts.  there isn't much that beats a grilled hotdog or hamburger.
• christian gangsta' music
• watching caroline and emma dance to previously mentioned music
• emma slept to and from athens on saturday
• sweet travels (for 98% of the time) from columbus to warrenton to athens to warrenton to athens to warrenton and back to columbus
• talking to joanna hart!
• celebration of jon's life
• snotty nose trailer park kids song
• sweet monday at "home" with the white's...especially the shower & coffee parts....and the friendship part.  that's the best.
• dinner with the walls...delicious...refreshing...what wonderful friends.
• amazingly thoughtful gift  - that calendar is AWESOME (thanks to the wells' and walls' community groups for participating and keeping it a secret!). gotta love it when a gift can make you cry and laugh
• who dat.
• time with amy taylor.  time with her is so special and significant.
• reminders to LISTEN & RESPOND to the promptings of the Holy Spirit
• carey's help with the growth chart...and her willingness to let me cry...and her complete dedication to praying for me.
• nicole brought me emma's quilt!  wow.  she makes beautiful things out of curtains (guess it helps that the curtains were so lovely to begin with thanks to carey bray)
• WORDS of LIFE poured into me by friends (and strangers in joann's!)
• emma used the potty!
• words of correction from our careful Father
• crave.  that makes the list most weeks...i'm just so thankful for it!!!!
• seeing jessica flynn.  what a woman!
• laughing so hard it hurts
• honesty.  even when it's hard.
• coming up with plan "Bs" that are even better than plan "As"
• no kids drowned at the pool yesterday.  that's always a plus.
• eating lin lin chinese food with yaya and grandaddy.  those kids can put away some sesame chicken. 
• bea-u-tiful flowers & a fun pack of gum waiting on my desk this morning at the TA office.  my husband is in-cred-ible.
• listening to nick read to our kids
• seeing william & debbie's new house
• receiving a surprise package in the mail - that the package was a super sweet, very useful, completely thoughtful gift from elizabeth pollard
• diannacash@yahoo.com is reactivated!  i thought it was lost forever.
• quickbooks pro 2012 is successfully installed (and merged with the 2009 version!) on the laptop at the TA office
• i have more than 2 fans!!   and so many amazing friends.  God is so good.

...my theme song right now...

God I Look to You by Brian Johnson, sung by Jenn Johnson, from the album "Be lifted High"

God I look to You
I won't be overwhelmed
Give me vision to see things like You do
God I look to You
You're where my help comes from
Give me wisdom, You know just what to do

I will love You Lord my strength
I will love you Lord my shield
I will love You Lord my rock
Forever all my days, I will love you God

Hallelujah our God reigns
Hallelujah our God reigns
Hallelujah our God reigns
Forfever all my days Hallelujah

maybe it should be called "our anniversary trip was awesome (and a few other gifts God gave me this week)"

alright...i wrote this thankful thursday list WEDNESDAY night...and had it all set to post this morning at 8:17 am.  i have no idea why it didn't post...and i really have no idea how i figured out that it didn't post...but it didn't.  but here it is now (and it's still thursday!)...

• safe flights
• i love and like my husband...and enjoy every minute with him!
• fun landing in san francisco (over the water)(thanks for the heads up, amy!)
• burgers at stella's
• shopping spree at wal-greens (cokes, candy, snacks, air freshener)
• a room with robes
• the "that person looks like" combo game
• God's timing (the fact that this trip was planned - & payed for - months and months ago is HUGE)
• francis chan's book "Forgotten God"
• anniversary breakfast of cheez its and cherry coke overlooking the city
• walking on the beach...multiple beaches...multiple walks....
• amazing views.  mountains, ocean, cliffs, waves, flowers....God's creativity on display!
• ferrel's doughnuts (and coffee!)
• walking around the city...and across the golden gate bridge
• the grandness of our God...and His attention to detail
• buying cherries from a road side stand
• strawberries at the farmer's market
• epic church (and their really cool coffee mugs!)
• sitting on the "full house hill"
• watching the sun set into the pacific ocean
• honey honey
• we found tomato soup AND fish tacos for nick
• ice (especially when it's covered with cherry coke)
• circus peanuts (and randomly pulling them from my pocket)
• the usefulness of my jacket. 
• "stay connected to me, living in trusting dependence on my limitless resources." - jesus calling
• going to the giants' game
• seeing our kids again
• an incredibly wonderful amazing gift of an anniversary trip!
• the song lyrics "God, i look to you...i won't be overwhelmed."  yes, please. 
• the goodness and faithfulness of God to speak to us and reveal Himself to us through His word and through one another
• sweet girls and boys playing peacefully and creatively with one another
• it's looking like we're going to get to see some incredible friends during our time in texas -- the vignery's, the edfeldts, mrs. marquez...

affirming, confirming, encouraging, challenging...more quotes from Francis Chan's "Forgotten God"

We are not called to fear what following the Way of Jesus may require of us, but that doesn't mean those fears won't crop up.  A life of following Christ requires relinquishing those fears when they do come.  It means refusing to let your fears of what others think, your fears of rejection, keep you from pursuing the truth about the Holy Spirit and whatever else God is teaching you and calling you to.

...take a fresh look at familiar passages...

...seek out what God has said about His Spirit.  Open up your mind and your life to the leading of the Spirit, regardless of what others may think or assume about you.

There is a huge difference between believing what God has promised and praying for things you'd like to be true. 

...stake your faith in God alone...

The truth is that the Spirit of God is guaranteed to ask you to go somewhere or do something you wouldn't normally want or choose to do.  The Spirit will lead you the way of the cross, as He led Jesus to the cross, and that is definitely not a safe or pretty or comfortable place to be.

...we need to base our understanding of and experience with the Holy Spirit on biblical truth and not on fear. 

As disciples of Jesus, being in relationship with Him must be our focus.  When we allow others' perceptions of us (or even our perceptions of their perceptions!) to control how we live, we are enslaved. 

We are called to live in a way that reflects the reality of the kingdom of God.  When we become overly concerned about our appearance, our spiritual reputation, our coolness, and our acceptance, we are living as citizens of this world rather than as ambassadors.

Romans 8:27 "...the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God."  ...I don't know about you, but I find the thought of the Spirit of God praying for me according to the will of God extremely comforting.

Our desire to live should be for the sake and glory of the God who put us on this earth in the first place.

A sure sign of the Holy Spirit's working is that Christ is magnified, not people.

Let's pray that God would empower us so radically that we would get no glory.

God calls us to pursue Him, not what He might do for us or even in our midst.

His gift of the Holy Spirit is really not for our own pleasure or purposes.  The Spirit is meant to lead us towards holiness.  The Spirit is here with us to accomplish God's purposes, not ours.

...we were made to lay down our lives and give until it hurts.  We are most alive when we are loving and actively giving of ourselves because we were made to do these things.  It is when we live like this that the Spirit of God moves and acts in and through us in ways that on our own we are not capable of. 

You are not just a person living your life by human power.  The Spirit of God is in you...Don't walk away from this.  Delve into it and let it impact you deeply...

Living by the Spirit implies a habitual, continual, and active interaction with the Holy Spirit.  While this sounds exhausting, it really isn't because all of this living and action is done in the power of the Spirit. It is not by your own strength.

(talking about Philippians 2:12-13)...Yes, it is God who works in you.  And, yes, there is work for you to do.  Yes, the Spirit empowers you to do the work.  And, yes, you do the work.  Like many things in life there really isn't a sew-it-all-up solution.  I love that.  God is big and mysterious enough that we cannot simply put a label on the process and move on.

I don't want my life to be explainable without the Holy Spirit....

No matter where you live and what your days look like, you have the choice each day to depend on yourself, to live safely, and to try to control your life.  Of you can live as you were created to live - as a temple of the Holy Spirit of God, as a person dependent on Him, desperate for God the Spirit to show up and make a difference. 

reading a good book...wanted to share some quotes

"The Spirit led the first christians to do unexplainable things, to live lives that didn't make sense to the culture around the, and ultimately, to spared the story of God's grace around the world."

"...without Him (the Holy Spirit), people operate in their own strength and only accomplish human-sized results."

"...i believe that the Spirit is more obviously active in places where people are desperate for Him, humbled before Him and not distracted by their pursuit of wealth or comforts."

"if the Holy Spirit moves, nothing can stop Him.  If He doesn't move we will not produce genuine fruit no matter how much effort or money we expend."

"...regularly fellowship over what He's doing rather than what He did months or years ago."

"...the truth and necessity of a life wholly surrendered to and dependent upon the Holy Spirit..."

"...i want to see God move through me."

"...live exegetically...start with Scripture and allow it to dictate our actions...."

these are from the introduction to Francis Chan's book "Forgotten God"...I'm excited to see what the rest of the book holds...

thankful thursday!

• mary's plane tickets to and from tyler, texas cost less than we thought they would
• her dad is being so generous as to fund previously mentioned plane tickets
• 1/2 price frapuccinos at starbucks. and splendid company to go with the lovely salted-ness
• bed, bath and beyond purchases & coupons
• being at yaya and grandaddy's (it's still a bit sad to not be on 19th avenue any longer...but this is a very sweet alternative!)
• when children of God live and operate in their God-given talents and abilities
• meatballs
• Souled Out One
• at 7:55am on Monday, all 3 kids were still asleep (and i was up and glad to be up)
• "Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me." - song lyrics
• red lobster's cheese biscuits
• "You are here. You are here.  in Your presence i'm made whole" - song lyrics
• peace & quiet & stillness
• shots weren't so bad (got 2 more)
• clean water
• making coffee at 6pm for the sole fact that i wanted to be able to drink it with my cinnamon roll
• "i made a bird swing." - caroline
• the incredible encouragement & delicious breakfast God provided through the TA Board tuesday morning
• our wills are updated
• i got 9ish hours of sleep tuesday night
• the way maple ridge smells when i'm running (well, it probably smells the same all the time...i just smell it when i'm running)(lovely combination of flowers and such and "dryer" - you know, the smell that comes from the dryer vents.)(it's one of my favorite smells.)
• eli's train skillz
• the nearly unbelievable generosity of the TA Board.  
• verses from micah 7 (around v 19-20):  "...mercy is Your speciality...compassion is on its way to us...You'll sink our sins to the bottom of the ocean...you'll stay true to Your word...."
• joanna's kindness to bring us a DELICIOUS dinner.  good stuff.  another example of beautiful thoughtfulness and kind generosity!
• chick-fil-a giftcards in the mail...from an anonymous donor...thank you.  
• nick and i are celebrating our 10th Anniversary as you read this (unless it's after tuesday...we'll be back on tuesday!)

prayer night - friday night

Focus Verses: Ezekiel 47:1-12 and Matthew 5:13-16

My thoughts on the Ezekiel verses (and on the fact that this passage is at the core of Christ Community Church): I love the river! The river itself…the picture of the river…the concept of the river.  I really like it. 

God’s response: “Me, too!  I am in the River – that’s why it’s so enjoyable.”

As I read the verses from Ezekiel, I couldn’t get my mind away from these phrases:

V 1 – He brought me…

V2 – He brought me…

V 3 – He led me through…

V 4 – He led me through… (2 more times!)

V 6 – He led me back…

I’m not exactly sure who “the man” is doing the leading (I’m sure a host of commentaries or biblical scholars could give great insight to that…)…but as I read, I had the deep sense of the fact that Ezekiel was never alone – not once in the process did “the man” give instructions and walk off.  The man brought and led and led back…I love that we are not in this alone…we are not called to do this on our own. 

And then V11 stood out to me where it says “the swamps and marshes will not become fresh, they will be left for salt.”  And it was interesting thinking about that verse as I read Matthew 5:13 where we’re told “you are here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth.” 

My thoughts:  the swamps and marshes feel like the hard parts of life – the things that are dark, murky, sinking, hard to navigate…but maybe those are the very places that places that house the salt…the salt that brings out the God-flavors of this earth….

prayer week - thursday night

We spent time looking at 1 John 3:1 – we were encouraged to consider and fully embrace our identity in Christ as God’s children.  And we looked at 2 Corinthians 2:4 – thinking about the fact that it is Christ’s love that compels us to do whatever it is that we are called by God to do. 

I spent some time making lists…lists telling me who God thinks I am…I really like lists – especially lists that are full of Truth and love and kindness and encouragement (and some challenge!).

As I thought about the phrase “Christ’s love compels us” these are the things that came to mind:  Christ’s love is our motivation…not the thoughts or desires of man.  Not the recognition or the applause.  Not the earthly achievement or rewards.  Not obligation or guilt or a lack of provision…or because it’s always been done.  Christ’s LOVE is why we do what we do…it compels us to be who He has made us to be. 

Can I make a suggestion? (“of course you can,” the silly voice replies, “you're the one writing this blog!”) Ask God who you are…ask Him to reveal your identity to you.  Listen as He speaks Truth over you and into you.  It’s His opinion that matters…and only His opinion that is RIGHT.

He never runs out of gifts...

• singing "my house is not my own, to the lesley's it belongs" (to the tune of "my life is not my own...")
• super swift and easy and peaceful and wonderful closing on our house this past friday
• an AMAZING fundraiser friday night.  i'm talking on the up side $17,000 amazing!  
• lee mcbride's kindness, thoughtfulness & generosity to offer this fundraiser in the first place
• clara mcbride (no relation to lee)'s macaroni and cheese
• "i know the depth and breadth of your neediness." - jesus calling
• yaya & grandaddy's generosity to let us live with them for 5 weeks
• excellent cell phone reception in maple ridge
• the perfect playlist on the drive from 19th ave to Champions Way Saturday evening
• "my power flows most freely into weak ones aware of their need for me." - jesus calling
• as of monday at 1pm, we were DONE cleaning on 19th ave 
• i'm very thankful for hollie & molly's help cleaning
• eating at mongo with fabulous friends
• "your lack is an opportunity to latch onto me in unashamed dependence." - jesus calling
• the path of peace that God is allowing us to walk on
• prayer week at ccc!
• lunch at logan's with my dad & brother & family (even got the same table as last time!)
• AMAZING gift from God to my sister from the credit card company
• comfy black skirt and green master's t-shirt
• when our kids get it right.  it's refreshing to see fruit from time to time!!!  
• hanging our cash family crest at yaya's....what a perfect fit.
• getting to see and share lunch with jessica hall yesterday!!
• cherry coke seems to be more readily available...easier to find (every gas station i've been in lately has cherry coke as an option at their fountain drink station.  this has not always been the case!)
• running errands/being productive/accomplishing things
• resting/sitting still/being quiet/accomplishing things

prayer week - wednesday night

last night was a bit different for me at prayer night....i felt like God was wanting me to spend more time praying for those around me and less time than usual asking Him for insight and writing things down in my journal.  so i prayed and  read verses as He prompted...  i ended up with an instruction from the Lord in regards to my children

we looked at Philippians 2:1-5 and Ephesians 4:6...in the Ephesian's verses it talks about being" humble, gentle, patient, bearing with one another in love, keeping the unity..." and i did feel like God was reminding me that He wants me to be these things with/for my children...and He wants me to LOVE them, deeply love them (that may seem like such an obvious statement...and really i guess it is pretty obvious, but it was a significant  reminder for me last night).  

Ephesians 5:1 "watch what God does and then you do it...like children who learn proper behavior from their parents, mostly what God does is LOVE you...keep company with Him and learn a life of love....extravagant love..."

God, please help me to LOVE my children well...to spur them on toward love and good deeds.  i long to be gentle and humble and patient...keeping the unity and bearing with them in the best possible way - as you bear with me.  please do what only You can - love my children through me.  i long to invest in them - Your Truth, Your Love, Your Life.  please have your way in my mothering...

prayer week - tuesday night

Phrases that stood out to me from the songs:
"drink of glory and wonder"
"lay back against you and breathe...feel your heart beat."
"pull me a little closer, take me a little deeper.  i want to know your heart..."

Psalm 105:2-4
"seek the Lord and His strength" -- not my own strength (there isn't much of that lately!).  HIS STRENGTH.  What does His strength look like?  refreshing, unexplainable, enough.  God lead me to Psalm 93:1 - it said "He is surging with strength."  YES!

"seek His face continually..."
my thought: we often find what we're looking for...
what i felt like were His thoughts:  "if you're looking for fault, fault you will most surely find...looking for people to make mistakes or someone to blame?  you'll find them.  are you looking for Me? looking for evidence of Me? looking for me to work?  you WILL find Me.  You'll most certainly find me when you're looking for Me with your whole heart (jeremiah 29:12).  Look for me as you go about your day...I am at work.  Look for me...I am right there - breathe me in...open the gifts I'm putting along the path for you...look for Me - you WILL see Me."

2 Timothy 3:16-17
thank You for loving me enough to correct me and to teach me to do what is right...You prepare and equip us to do every good work.  A father who doesn't care doesn't do anything to prepare and equip his child.  A father who does not discipline and does not teach, does not care/does not care.  So glad - so glad! - YOU do.

last 3 words -- restore. restoration. healing.  those words were in my heart and head...i felt a strong sense of God saying "I've got these things for you - for all of you..."

it's prayer week!!!

i've had so much that i've wanted to share through this blog...but today is not the day for that.  hopefully soon though!!  for now, here are thoughts/insights/verses from prayer night last night...i thought about adding further explanation - but decided to just leave them 'as is'....

Job 38

v36…I don’t even know what “the ibis” is…of course I didn’t give it weather wisdom – I wouldn’t have even thought to give something weather wisdom!  I’m so glad YOU did.  You thought of it all…things I take for granted.  Things I don’t even realize.  Things I’m not aware of.  You are such a good God.  A thorough God.  A thoughtful God.  A God who sees and provides and things of EVERY detail.

Thoughts on a deeper place of worship (what I felt like I was hearing from Him)…

“Worship with total abandonment.  No thought to man…no regard for who is around.  Keep filling your mind and heart and home with ME and with songs that remind you of Me…songs that draw your attention to Me.  I want ALL of your attention.  No division.  No separation -  all of your attention.  Hold nothing back."

Psalm 100

The words of worship:  Joy!  Thanksgiving!  Praise!

Other thoughts:

You are worthy!!  We certainly don’t even grasp exactly what that means…but you are worthy in every sense of the word – to receive blessing, glory, wisdom, thanksgiving, honor, power, strength, wealth.

(random intro – I feel like the birds have been singing louder lately….and I just keep thinking, “they are getting louder in their worship…”)  We need to take our place as God-worshippers…the rocks will cry out if we do not.  Even now the birds’ songs are worship (and are getting louder)…our God WILL be worshipped!  Will you be among the worshippers?  We need to take our God-given place as God-worshippers…worship LOUD (this isn’t necessarily talking about volume!)…worship BIG…worship STRONG…Worship in whatever way He gives you.  It may or may not look like anyone else’s worship – and that’s ok!

John 4:23-24

From the msg:  “it’s who you are and the way you live that count before God…the Father is looking for those who are simply and honestly themselves before Him in their worship…”

words from Him:  "Be who I have made you to be, worship how I’ve made you to worship…not who the worship leader tells you to be…not who the person next to you tells you to be…certainly not who the world tells you to be.  Under My authority and following My leading, be who I have made you to be."

Matthew 6:6 - “find a quiet secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role-play before God.  Just be there – as simply and honestly as you can manage.  The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense His grace. 

Focus on Him, not me.    

Worship allows us the pleasure of focusing on Him – not on us…we were never meant to focus on us so much.