thankful thursday.

• the Kingdom Kids' birthday cards "baton" has officially been passed on to the sweet & fabulous samantha vatral!
• caitlin carr...her kindness and generosity...the way she loves on my kids...her ability to draw fun monkeys and write with swirly letters
• the yard sale closet is in a much more organized state
• gummi worms & peachy o's (and buying them at the gas station for car load of kids...buying things other than thirst busters at gas stations feels funny to me)
• making trading cards with caroline
• that the immunization stuff WILL get worked out. i'm not sure why i'm making this so difficult...it's just hanging over my head in a way i don't like.
• smiley face pankcakes
• God's thoughtfulness towards me.
• taking pages of notes at community group...i love what we got to listen to!
  
• sharing at the dunlap's community group...what a sweet time of blessing and encouragement!
• the emails that come saying we've got a new monthly supporter or a new one time gift!
• safe & easy trip to and from the airport yesterday
• working by lamp light (not sure why but the overhead light in my office just didn't come on this morning!)
• hearing a really incredible song that i've never heard before (not even sure what the name of it is...it was playing on The Truth at 8:18am) (hearing an incredible song that i've heard before is also fabulous)

cause it's good to share.

came across an incredible website: www.iamsecond.com

i'm a fan. just wanted to share.

right now i'm...

thankful for....

• caroline's french twist bracelet (she was doing it!!!)
• the crazy good encouragement that came from posting a link to my blogpost on facebook.
  
• publix's willingness to double coupons
• kim worstell's ability to sing any christian contemporary song from the past 2+ decades
  
• singing "i give myself away" at church sunday (and my audacity to put my hands on my hips and say "why we gotta sing this song?" when it started...i wasn't really serious - i really like the song...i was just already so weepy...i didn't need another song to make me more weepy - or maybe that's JUST what i needed!)
• hotdogs & kickball at the wilcox's sunday afternoon
• tequilla lime chicken wings from sam's. i finally bought them and they are oh so good!
• carey's faithful prayers - "how can i be praying for you this week?" = one of the sweetest sentences ever
  
• molly's willingness to (and straight up desire to) keep my kiddos
  
• calling in favors
• caroline & ariel going to "prayer practice" as they were playing together
  
• getting rid of cds (sharing is fun!)
• nice fitting t-shirts
• joy crumpton. God is using her in big ways to bless our family in this season of transition.
  
• the way God uses my kids to bless and minister to me....
• there's something i'm really thankful for...but i don't think i can put it on this list...so an unspoken thankful that really is a gift from God.
• there are so many amusing things out there if you have your eyes and ears open to them
• that one guy on the radio this morning who was so passionate about NASA and equipment from space shuttles....some of it is coming to the space science center here in Columbus. he was a delight to listen to because he cares so much about it...
  
• that fabulous friends actually look forward to reading my thankful thursday (i'm thankful for the friends...and thankful to be able to share thankful thursdays....)
• the phone conversation/prayer with sue ann holmes that i just had
  

amusing.

i finally made the briarwood newsletter (weekly email from my alma mater). this is the student council picture for 1992 -1993. that's amusing.

but can you figure out which one is me? maybe it's more obvious than i realize.

i'll even leave the "comments" option available in case anyone has questions or wants to chime in (that's the 2nd time in 2 days that i've used the phrase "chime in" - that's amusing.)

other amusing facts about this picture: the "older boy" i had a crush on is this picture...there is also a sibling group of 2 in the picture (as well as 2 of their cousins)(i think i have that straight).

Other amusing happenings...

• buying pepsi products right in front of the coke guys that were restocking the shelves - it just felt so wrong (but if the coke had been bogo free, i would've bought coke!)
  
• giggling at the man who was frustrated at my courteous driving. i was letting someone pull out and apparently the guy behind me wasn't taking advantage of the chance to practice his patience skills and was quite aggravated at me. He proved his aggravation with his honking (thankfully the honk didn't bother me a bit!). THEN he pointed a particular finger in my direction when i sped up as he was trying to pass me...that's what made me giggle (not the finger...the speeding up part...).
• the hologrammish subliminal reminder to throw away your trash on the gum wrapper that i opened this morning...there are tiny pictures of a stick figure/cartoon man throwing his trash into a receptacle all over the wrapper. thank you for the reminder, wrigley's.
• amusing = the mess that is my kitchen as i sit here typing this very purposeful blog entry. i'll go work on that. maybe cleaning it will be amusing. here's hoping.
  

Yes. And No.

A friend (a fabulously talented, creative, fun, thoughtful & kind friend….a friend who’s blog you can check out here: restarterhome.com) asked me if I am excited (I assumed she was talking about this whole “moving to Africa” thing….if she was asking a general “are you excited?” then I totally gave her the wrong answer….here’s my response (altered slightly to be more "blog audience appropriate" and less straight to her):

Am i excited? um....that's a hard question. i am excited (she says with slight hesitation)....i'm excited to be doing what God wants us to do...i'm excited to get to practice my faith and to trust Him in new ways. i'm excited to respond as He has been saying "follow me." i'm excited for my children and what they will get to experience...i'm excited for what this means for our family! i'm excited to not have to cook :). i'm excited to watch God work and move and provide for us.

But i'm not excited....i'm not excited about leaving. i'm not excited about making new friends (well, sort of...i'm not dreading making new friends - it's hard to explain...i just really like my friends here and can't imagine it being this sweet any place else...)(and so many of you are certainly a part of that sweetness!!!)(and I’m not looking to replace any friends…but the truth and reality is that I’m not going to be here and whether any of us like it or not, that changes things)(sigh.). i'm not excited about the "process" of getting there (our house to yaya/grandaddy's house to texas to field service to the ship)(in my utopian world it would be our house to the ship (with maybe a brief stay at yaya and grandaddy’s! :)). i'm not excited about our families missing us so much. I’m not excited about figuring out new routines (I really like our current routines!!!)(that's pretty selfish...but i guess all of my "not exciteds" are pretty selfish...as are my "exciteds" - hmm....)

but i AM excited to experience the Lord every step of the way - and that makes the things i'm not so excited about a tad more exciting....

When I get to the root of it all, i know who i am here -- i know how to be "me" - the me that God wants me to be. and i know that the same God that delights in me and communes with me "here" will most certainly be “there”....but i don't yet know "me" there. does that make any sense?? it's a little frightening to think about most EVERYTHING changing...and i just want to know that i'm going to be "ok" on the other side (and even as i type that i KNOW that i'm going to be ok on the other side - it's God who makes me "ok" here and God is going to make me "ok" there!!!!!)

Another precious friend (an amazing, peace-filled, kind, compassionate, lovely friend…a friend who does not have a blog or else I’d link it HERE) sent these words: “I hope you give yourself the grace to cry and grieve for what will be left behind. You have loved well (deeply) here in Columbus and it is painful to leave, even if it is right and good. Because you have loved deeply, the pain and grief may be deep, too. Praying God's nearness to you and your heart as you feel the things you feel....He is so tender to us and so loving and gracious in how he cares for us when our emotions are so raw!”

Her words brought tears (as I told her – they were the kind of tears that come when you know the Spirit of God is ministering to you through the words of one of His servants). The pain of leaving – it certainly rises up from time to time (and one of those times was this weekend)(Saturday was a tough day!)….and though there is certainly a foundation and undercurrent of His perfect peace, there’s also the reality that this is hard for me – and that’s ok!

So am I excited? Yes. And no. (more yes than no)(most of the time)

But, as we sang at Christ Community this morning, "my life is not my own. to You i belong. i give myself, i give myself to You. (and then i was kidding around with nick singing "my stuff is not my own...to You it belongs. i give my stuff, i give my stuff to You...).

He is my one desire...not pain free, comfortable living...not ease of transition...not convenience...not routines...HIM. i desire Him.

sweet fellowship.

i just had such a fun few hours. we had "ladies game night" at CCC tonite. all of a sudden i'm feeling that this blog post won't do it justice. oh well. here are some of the highlights:

• molly's super brute strength as she carried 40 lbs (ish) of drinks in at one time.
  
• meeting people that attend our church that i've never met before!
• pulling the "peaceful" card at the beginning of a game of apples to apples - appropriate considering the good gifts the Father has been giving me lately.
  
• drinking from red solo cups
• drinking cherry coke from previously mentioned cups
  
• bubbles....they are so spiritual
• eating only the green and pink starburst jellybeans
  
• meeting a vibrant & FABULOUS 87 year old that has more life and spunk than most 30 year olds i know. i would LOVE to look, act, feel, BE like Mrs. S 55+ years down the road...
• laughing. laughing and laughing.
• lindy. she's quite entertaining.
• hearing ladies talk positively about their husbands/marriage.
• hearing ladies talk positively about one another - bragging on each other, encouraging one another, building each other up
  
• hearing about grandkids loving to play with the "jiggly parts" of their grandmothers (i especially loved the "jello jello" remark)
• fellowship that didn't have an ounce of unhealthy competition or even hints of gossip.
  

the only thing that would have made it better is if all of the other ladies from CCC who i love and treasure (and all the ones i haven't had the privilege of meeting/getting to know) could have joined us!! maybe next time...

hotel california...friendship... & drug culture references...random ridiculousness.

it finally has a name - the way friendship with me works. it's just like that eagles' song talks about --"hotel california"...(i had this epiphany in an email i was responding to tonite)

"You can check-out any time you like, But you can never leave!"

(but really friendship with me is NOTHING like the song "hotel california." i just read the lyrics for the first time and now i want to know, what is colitas??)(but my advice, DON'T google it....trust me)(but just in case you were wondering, i think i found out that it's marijuana....)(boy, it was interesting to read the interpretations of that song. i think some of them may have had some access to some colitas while they were musing)(i also found out there's a website called straightdope.com i didn't click on that link.)(i ALSO found out what "spice" is from the TA Classroom Session at Hardaway today: man-made marijuana -- synthetic cannabis. I've learned more about drugs today than the rest of my life combined.)(and what was the other thing, molly? dirty sprite? whatever it's called, it's sprite mixed with cough syrup)(um...gross.)(aren't you all glad you're my friends so you can be a little more hip and with it in the realm of drug culture?)

back to hotel california and friendship with me - i just feel that it needs to be in writing somewhere (and this will be a repeat for some of you), once you're my friend, YOU ARE MY FRIEND...and no matter the time that passes (a day, a week, a year, a decade...a few decades...), i'm ready and willing to pick it back up.

So unless you straight up say something along the lines of "dianna, i don't want to be your friend anymore" then we're friends. And you have my permission and the complete freedom to know that we're friends and that an email/phone call/facebook message/stop by for a visit (but you've gotta come before june...or plan to buy a plane ticket to make the "drop by" happen) are all perfectly acceptable and would be gratefully received - never awkward or weird or unwelcome.

(and just in case anyone is wondering, this is NOT directed towards anyone in particular. absolutely not. that's not how i roll! if i wanted to say it to someone in particular, i would pull out a cute notecard, write "dear blankity blank" and proceed to share how much i love you and miss you and really want to stay connected and stick a stamp on it and mail it :))

raw and honest thought: this is one of THE most ridiculous posts i've ever written. i'm really tempted to never publish it...(but obviously i did). (aren't you glad?)

off the top of my head

for "thankful thursday" i usually just type up things that i've listed in my thankful journal for the week...my journal is not present at the moment...so i'm going to wing it:

• the "search" bar - just type in what you're looking for and more than likely, it'll pop up on the screen. amazing.
• when the weather is perfect for eating outside (and getting to eat amazing food outside with my best friend)
• tuesday was the last time i'll do quarterly payroll reports for TAs.
  
• thinking about the fact that whoever does the next quarterly payroll reports will be "ok" -- even if i can't train them (ie, walk through it step by step sitting side by side), God's going to take care of them (His training/provision is significantly better than mine. that's for sure.)(i'm leaving pretty decent directions...and i'll be available for questions...that's about all i can offer).
• anna justice's amazing personality and babysitting skillz
• the quotes & verses beth sent me - so many of the quotes were things i had written in my journal...i love being "on the same page" with my dear friend.
• suh-weet trip to warrenton (the car rides were super peaceful...bowling was fun! had a good conversation with my mom. got to eat my dad's fried chicken)
• peace. unexplainable, trustworthy, straight-from-God peace.
• celebrating nick and eli's birthdays! goodness those guys are special to me.
• emma in her cute little chinese outfit
  
• 3 sweet little girls that i had the privilege of sharing my early morning with...those wells' girls are something special. (so glad the eldest of the wells' girls is on her way home from india right now!!)(my "gladness" is probably next to nothing compared to chad's!!)
  
• sweet meal and fellowship Tuesday night at community group - nicole markert never ceases to amaze with her cooking abilities!
• molly white's thoughtfulness and generosity...another thing that never ceases to amaze me.

there may be an addendum if i check my journal and there's anything else worth sharing...

in honor of my best friend and his 32nd birthday....32 favorites

some of my favorite things about nick (in no particular order - except the last 2...which are really the first 2):

1. He makes me feel special and beautiful and valuable.
2. He gives me way more credit than I deserve.
3. He thanks me for doing things that I consider "what I'm supposed to do" (and what alot of others consider as "thankless" jobs because they don't get the gift of a thank you).
4. He doesn't yell at me (or anyone)(I really don't like to be yelled at...who does!? I don't even like to be honked at....). And he doesn't "scare" me on purpose (you know....jump out and say "boo" just for fun...or creep outside a window and tap on it....or anything ridiculous like that. some people think that's funny. i don't.)(in fact, he's so thoughtful, he'll intentionally be loud so that he doesn't sneak up on me on accident....)
   
5. My family (dad, mom, sister, brothers, etc.) loves him.
6. He's smart and has a good vocabulary.
7. He does things with excellence - even when 'man' wouldn't expect excellence, Nick still does things excellently (as to the Lord...and not unto man)
8. He plays with our children
9. He prays for our children.
10. He tucks me in at night.
11. He'll hug me or hold me anytime I need/want him to.
12. He's not afraid to cry
13. He's not afraid of me crying.
14. He remembers and celebrates all of our anniversaries - 1st kiss, 1st date, wedding (we don't always celebrate it but he knows the date of our engagement)(he's faster to answer questions about "us" and our timeline than I am....I usually have to think about it)
15. He didn't kiss me until 9 months after we started dating (I can't explain how sweet it was to not even have to think about the kissing and stuff -- though that's CERTAINLY ENJOYABLE and I love every kiss we get to share -- knowing that he wasn't going to kiss me in the early days of dating allowed us to build a strong foundation on so much more than physical interaction!)
16. He taught me to drive a manual car (he very patiently taught me as we went over the speed bumps at shorter college)
17. He's really good with words - especially written words. And he generously shares his words with so many - me, our kids, our co-workers, our friends, others that receive letters/emails from him...
18. He is so capable -he's so good at so many things....a Renaissance man (I don't even know if I'm spelling that correctly...but I bet he does). I am convinced he can do pretty much anything he puts his mind to.
    
19. He doesn't mind that I'm not into shopping and style and such
    
20. He's not concerned with the opinions of others (in either direction - high or low!)
21. He's an amazingly excellent gift giver. He should write a book for men on how to give their wives/girlfriends/special someone's fantastic gifts. 99% of the time the gifts are not something you can get in a store....
    
22. He takes the trash out without being reminded
23. He loves cherry coke as much as I do.
24. He's not afraid to say hard things if he knows it's for the good of our relationship
25. He's athletic and in shape - but without being fanatical about it or addicted to it
26. He's "tidy" - not one to leave wet towels or underwear or any of the other stereotypical things strewn about on the floor.
27. He's very organized and an excellent record keeper
28. He's committed to saying what he means and meaning what he says -- to not being passive aggressive/manipulative with his words
29. He doesn't talk bad about others/gossip -- even when I really think a situation would "call for it"/it would totally be "justified", he just doesn't - and that's admirable.
30. He spends money wisely - manages our budget, considers purchases before making them, doesn't buy on impulse, looks for deals, etc.
31. My 2nd most favorite thing: Nick is who he says he is -and he is who he appears to be. The person you see up on stage or leading a Bible study or worshipping is the very same man who lives within the walls of 2215 19th Ave. Nick lives a life of integrity and authenticity.
32. My 1st most favorite thing: Nick loves his God with all of his heart, soul, mind and strength. and THAT is at the core of everything else that makes him so amazing and so incredible.
    

i am one blessed woman.

thank you, God, for the gift of nick and for the gift of our marriage and friendship....

wait, there's more

• there are only 2 emails in my inbox. (quite the accomplishment considering there was something like 230 at the beginning of this week....just lots of things that needed an action step - or that needed to be printed and filed - things that needed to get done but i hadn't had the chance to do...now we're down to 2! and those are all do-able, too - just not quite yet...each one needs another piece of information or 2 in order to be taken care of and then they shall be DELETED, too!)(but by that point there may be more that need attention...not sure it'll ever be empty...and that's ok!)
  
• trash service. it's pretty amazing that i can just haul cans of trash to the street and it gets whisked away.
• the kids that pray on ihop.org -- wow!
• kim's buffalo chicken dip. i had lunch at 10:30 this morning...i couldn't wait any longer!!! (but now it's all gone...)(btw - i'm trying to add to kim's blog shout outs this week)
  
• making flags with carey. it was fun! not to mention i just love spending time with her.
  
• a flexible "lunch hour"...i can use 15 minutes here and 15 minutes there...and 15 minutes later (and still have 15 minutes left over to play with)
• the TA "25th Anniversary" stickers - it's fun to seal envelopes with them
• a cup of colorful pens
• caroline's hair is tangle free (or at least it was last night) (we don't thoroughly brush it nearly enough!!)(and getting it to the 'tangle free' moment was less than enjoyable...but we made it....and it's so pretty!)
  
• the thoroughness and efficiency of Joy Crumpton....this lady has always impressed me...and now, even more.
  

many thanks

• eli & caroline's obstacle course
• how much my family loves poppyseed chicken
• having all the ingredients to make aforementioned recipe (without even "trying" to have all the ingredients)(i love it when that happens for any recipe....)
  
• buying stamps at 6:10am (from the machine inside the lobby at the Milgen Road PO)
• the stash of gummi bears in my desk at work (thanks, kaci)
• the stash of gummi bears in my kitchen cabinet (thanks, molly)
• running into the Meeks Family at the playground
  
• eli reading his Bible
• "target spree" with emma (leftover giftcard from her birthday! our purchases: popcorn combo, buddy fruit, goldfish, toothpaste, dental floss, chocolate covered espresso beans!)
• our Mercy Ships support letters have been sent
  
• "your best efforts are trusting me and living close to me." - jesus calling
• NO LINE at the post office yesterday!
• helpful children (especially with the TA bulkmail)
• janell nielsen's smiles & laughter during my pre-crave routine
  
• thoughtful gifts from a thoughtful friend (can't WAIT to use the cinnabon creamer....)
  
• being able to reconcile TA bank statements at home (and the way the printer just comes alive when i plug in at the office afterwards...)
  
• clean bath mats - they feel like they're new!! (thanks, nick!)
• a husband who clean bath mats, brings me butterfinger's chicken, does laundry, leads our children in cleaning up and about a bazillion other wonderful things...he is incredible.
  

nothingness.

i just whittled by inbox down from 202 to 25. felt the need to celebrate that...and didn't want to put it on facebook. this was my next best option.

is there really such a thing as underwater hockey? (i saw a comment about a friend of a friend coming to atlanta in april for an underwater hockey tournament) what in the world?

love that we spent 80% of today's daylight hours outside...

sometimes i just have to say things out loud with the hopes that they'll get out of my head.

what do you see and feel when you look in the mirror? a glimpse into the hearts and minds of some special middle school girls

This is part of an e-mail from our Velocity Director, Leah Carr:

Just this past weekend, we had our Velocity Lock-In. For those of you who do not know how we do our Lock-Ins- while we do have a good chunk of free time for our students with video games, board games, movies, and activities in the gym, we also use the beginning of the evening for sessions. This year, we were blessed to have Valerie Figgins, the Team Leader at Fort, lead our girls session. During the session, she gave the girls an opportunity to write down what they see and feel when they look in the mirror and turn in those sheets anonymously. I wanted to share some of the things from these sheets, as they are heartbreaking. And although it is sad and it reminds me of the quotes we read EVERY year on the TA Retreat- it reminds me of our need for a Velocity Retreat and it reminds me of the importance of what we are doing just among our own students! For me personally, God used Teen Advisors to give me victory in my own long and difficult battle with my self-worth. I can identify with so many of these girls’ statements and I wish that Velocity was in middle school when I began to combat all my self-worth issues. So as you read these statements, would you pray over each of these girls who wrote them? And would you pray for the retreat that's coming up?

• “Like I’m a failure”
• “I see a girl who compares herself to anyone and everyone.”
• “I see all the things people teased me about. I see an insecure girl who is insecure beyond belief.”
• “That I’m not good enough. Sometimes I feel so ugly that I start to cry…I feel that the reason no one likes me is because of this; for my ugly features.”
• “Many people make fun of me and it hurts, but I try to make it look like I don’t care. When people make fun of me I try to hold it in but I sometimes can’t.”
• “When I look in the mirror I see a girl who doesn’t feel comfortable with herself and her life.”
• “I feel as if my friends will turn their backs on me right when I open up to them and tell them my true feelings.”
• “All I want to do is be myself, but I don’t know who that is!”
• “That I will never live up to my parents expectations”
• “I hide who I really am in front of friends.”
• “Someone who is looking for a way to let her true self come out.”
• “At times I feel ugly and depressed and like I’m nothing and no one cares”
• “A lot of the time I look in the mirror and see a beautiful, happy person, but other days I can’t stand to look at myself. It’s not the looks mainly, but who I am inside that disgusts me.”
• “Pretty, but not pretty enough.”
• “Like I don’t belong. I feel ugly and sad and just wish I could be skinnier or someone else. I am teased a lot and many people don’t like me. I try to fit in and be happy, but I always end up crying in the night.”
• “I would like help but I am too scared to get it.”
• “I feel like I don’t matter, and I wish I had someone to talk to. I see someone who just can’t seem to do anything right. I don’t fit in anywhere and I need a good friend that will accept me for who I am.”
• “Am I beautiful? Well, I don’t know yet.”
• “When I look in the mirror I feel ugly. I feel like I am just a girl that nobody cares about.”
• “I see a person I have created and not the person I was meant to be. I change myself and try to look like the other girls because that’s the ‘right’ way to dress.”
• “I feel sad, depressed, and I need help.”
• “I see a mean and stupid person. I see a loner.”
• “I’m not sure of who I am.”
• “I feel ugly. I see a person who is struggling with so much, but to the outside world I’m perfectly fine. Because when I walked into middle school they taught me how to fake a smile.”
• “I see all the things people teased me about.”
• “I sometimes see a beautiful girl who is confident and ready to face the day…Other days, I see an ugly girl with no good qualities and no reason to even go out. I feel bad about myself like I shouldn’t try to look because there’s no hope for me.”

I wonder what YOU see and feel when you look in the mirror....what does God see when He looks at you in the mirror? may what we see and feel line up more and more with His Truth.