i'm not sure where the line is between complaining/venting/being real...hopefully this will fall more in the "being real" category than the complaining category. as many of you know, i'm not a fan of chronic complainers. :)
this has not been a good week. i have felt incapable, incompetent, lazy, unproductive, frustrated, impatient, sick, tired, inadequate. i have fussed at my children and been less than compassionate. i have compared myself to others. i have had a pity party or 2. i have allowed discouragement to fill my mind. most of these feelings can be attributed to 2 things -- 1)trying to efile the w-2s for Teen Advisors and being met with GREAT unsuccess....it brought me to tears 2 days in a row... and 2)sickness.
but yesterday i looked out the window upstairs - the window that (when you're sitting on the futon or floor) has an amazing view of the trees and sky, the window that always brings to mind psalm 46:10 -- "be still and KNOW that I AM GOD". and i saw buds on the tree...tiny little buds on the branches that have been bare. and God gently said "this season isn't going to last long." and i knew - even though the word "season" could mean lots of things for me right now He was speaking specifically to the short season that i've been experiencing this week.
i was (am) so thankful for that reminder - that no matter how frustrated or how unproductive or how sick we feel, "this season" isn't going to last long. better days are coming - here on earth....and for all of eternity. this season on earth isn't going to last long. this week isn't going to last forever (this phase of ____ - fill in the blank - with our children isn't going to last forever!). we will get better - the coughs and fevers WILL go away...the w-2s will get filed (and they did!!)....i'll feel like doing more than laying around....i'll be a better mom...whatever i am lacking will be made whole. the crying in the night will cease and peaceful nights will resume. mourning will be turned to dancing (i'm specifically thinking of miranda's dad). some day tears will BE NO MORE (but sometimes i wonder about happy tears and "God tears" - the tears that come when i am overwhelmed by the Love and work of God...will they be gone, too?? but that's another thought for another day)...someday it will all be better.
and the buds do come. as of 17 minutes ago, the w2s and g-1003 are filed (and now i am taking a celebratory 15 minute sabbatical from all things tax and TA related). a total surprise gift from God came in the mail in the form of a book that i've been wanting to read. a friend made me laugh through an email. i have a little pile of m&ms on my desk to enjoy. little signs of LIFE...
and God is good and worthy of praise - with or without the buds. in the darkest of nights and the brightest of days. in the most beautiful flowers and the driest of sticks. in the sweetest moments and the most bitter. in the times of great feasting and in the times of starvation. He is our God. our good and loving and faithful and unchangeable God. His love is never ending and nothing can separate us from that Love.
