FAQ #2-13

a friend (a sweet, beautiful, lovely, amazing friend!) sent me an email filled with EXCELLENT questions about Mercy Ships...alot of them have been asked by many of you. thus, this post of questions and answers (keep in mind, these are the answers that i think to be true - based on what we've been told or what i've read...it may not all be completely accurate...but i'm not knowingly putting anything false into print!).

Can you tell me more about how things work?

i can attempt to answer this one...but you may be better off to go to the website: mercyships.org From what i understand, the ship docks in a port for 11 months at a time (except for right now it's in TOGO for 6 months, not 11....) -- while there, surgeries are going on daily. it's not a "hospital" like we have here - in that you can't just come with any need and hope to be "fixed" -- it's more of a specialized surgical center. there are weeks of only club foot surgeries, weeks of only cleft palet "fixing", weeks of other plastic surgeries (removal of tumors and such - tumors growing on the outside of the body), weeks of surgeries for women (to help with issues that came as a result of childbirth), weeks of eye surgeries, etc. specific doctors are lined up to be on the ship at specific times...

there is a huge screening that takes place when the boat first arrives - people come (sometimes hundreds and hundreds of miles!) and are screened to see if the doctors on the ship can actually help them with whatever is going on. if the nurses/doctors doing the screening think their issue can indeed be helped, they are given a day and time to return to the boat....on that day they show up and are admitted for their surgery (or pre-surgery...or whatever is required!)

just like a hospital here, there are so many more jobs than "just" the doctors and nurses (that's where we come in!!). the rest of the crew of the ship makes everything outside of the hospital happen SO THAT the hospital can operate (literally!!!). there are cooks and engineers and computer people and someone running the "ship shop" and the cafe...there are people doing the laundry for the hospital...there are teachers (for the ship's academy) and actual boat people (so that if/when the ship needs to sail, it's ready). i know there are other jobs - those are just the ones that came to mind....

there are also "mercy teams" doing things off of the ship -- dental clinics, various teaching and training (in a huge variety of topics), working with local hospitals and churches. i really don't have a clue what ALL is involved and what ALL is being done. glad God sees the big picture.

What will the living situation be like? (will you have your own kitchen and stuff or does everyone share? etc)

We will have a family cabin on the ship - kids will have bunk beds (what they are used to!!). nick and i may or may not have our own room - we may sleep in the room that would also serve as the living room. some of the family cabins are 3 bedrooms + living area, others are 2 bedrooms + living room. we'll be fine either way. we do not have a full kitchen - but we don't need one...there's a dining room (cafeteria) on the ship that will provide all of our meals (i'm quite excited about this!!!). we don't HAVE to eat there...but i feel like we will eat 99% of our meals there (part of what we're paying for with our "crew fees" is the meals). some families get their food put into containers and then take it to their room in order to have some quiet family time (we've heard the dining room can be quite loud!). and most people get cereal from the kitchen for breakfast - it's kept in containers in their room. as far as we know there will be a small fridge - so we could have a small supply of milk and juice and such.

there is a kitchen for crew use in case we ever feel like cooking - or in case we want to make a cake for someone's birthday or something like that.

What will happen with the kids school?

the kids will go to school on the ship. it's called the "mercy academy" (i think). honestly, that's something i'm having to surrender to God -- i LIKE homeschooling them and i feel like we've got a good plan in place...i don't necessarily want to give that up. we're excited about the academy though - i think it's about the closest thing to homeschooling we could have without actually homeschooling. they very much focus on jesus - studying scripture and prayer are a big part of the school day. the classes are small - usually somewhere between 2 and 6 students. i think our kids will enjoy it and thrive in it (even though i love homeschooling, i think that eli will do well to be learning from someone else - i think he'll be less likely to complain about doing school work if the instructions are coming from someone else. does that make sense??)

What else will they do on the boat?

i have no idea - but i have no doubt that there will be plenty for them to do!! i feel like one of my kids' strengths is not getting bored ("i'm bored" is NOT a cash family phrase! if they say it, they are quickly reminded that only boring people get bored)(no offense to anyone who gets bored...it's just my "philosophy" that one can always find SOMETHING to do to occupy your brain so that you don't get bored! back to the subject at hand...) - they are good at building forts and making up games. they love reading and being read to. there's a play area on one of the decks - with swings and balls and such....i think there's a place to ride scooters...there's a library...and there are also plenty of opportunity to get off the boat (that was something that was news to me - originally i thought we were on the boat and staying on the boat and not getting off the boat except for every now and then for special excursions...but the reality (or what i am understanding the reality to be) is that we can fairly freely go to and from the boat (though there is tight security - we can come and go...but people that aren't supposed to be coming and going will not be able to do so! and usually people hire security for their outings) -- i'm assuming (and hoping that!) we can go play soccer with some local children....we can find some orphans to love on...we can attend church wherever we'd like (there's "church" on the ship on thursday night - it's on thursday so we have the chance to find a local church to plug into on sundays....).

What will Nick's role be?

nick has been hired for a human resources management position. basically he'll be working with everyone that comes onto the ships - short term and long term - helping to make sure they are "settled" and doing their jobs (the Human Resources Office, the Chaplain's office and the Staff Development office all work together for the health and well being of the ship's crew!). he'll probably be doing lots of problem solving...and even some counseling when needed (if people have issues, he'll be a main point of contact for them). i think his job will be 8-5 (generally) monday through friday. from what i can understand, we'll all be able to eat lunch together (kids included!). in the evenings, he'll have his seminary stuff to do...(but that doesn't have anything to do with his job on the ship at this point)

What will your role be?

my main job is "primary care giver" for our children. mercy ships requires that one parent work and one parent be the primary care giver. i'll be given a "minor job" to do while the kids are in school (someone mentioned that mercy ships expects me to work in my minor job about 80% of the time that the kids are in school....). i don't know what that minor job will be - i'd love for it to be in HR with nick (i love working with him!!!). but it really doesn't matter...they can put me in the kitchen doing meal prep...or cleaning bathrooms....or washing towels...or pretty much anything. i just want to help in whatever way is needed...i like helping :)

Do you know how long you will be gone?

our inital committment is 2 years (that's what they consider "long term crew"). honestly (always), i don't know how long we'll be gone. i don't really want to think about that. for as long as we've been in TAs we've never been looking for the next thing - we've just served to the best of our ability where we were, not looking for the next thing....i want to do that in the next season of our life. we're trusting that God will tell us when/if we are to move on...we'll just seek Him day by day and listen as best we can!

How are people around there handling the news?

mixed emotions. sadness. excitement. some hurt. little envy here and there. some denial. lots of questions. all in all, i think we are very supported -- people are sad to see us go (which is rather nice to hear! it would be sad if everyone was like "good riddance! glad they're gone!" or if they were indifferent)...but i think most everyone is also proud of our obedience and proud of us for stepping out in faith (big step.)

What about your families?

the same as above -- maybe with a tad (lot) more sadness and grief and hurt. when we talk to them, for the most part, it's pretty positive - sad but positive...but i know there are other thoughts/feelings out there that aren't necessarily being said to us. i know i can't do anything about that....if they don't bring it to us, there's no way we can even begin to help them process it or understand this. our desire is to honor God...our desire is also not to hurt anyone...but that's secondary to honoring God (though some would say honoring God would not require you to hurt others....that's a tough one.)

How do the kids feel?

the kids are excited!!!! caroline had a bit of a sad moment the other night when she realized that we'll be moving before she can do the theatre camp that she really wants to do (but she got to do one unexpectedly in january - i felt like that was God's provision!!). eli's biggest concern is getting all (and i do mean ALL) of his stuffed animals on to the ship. i think i've got a pretty good plan worked out (one that he's willing to go along with!!!). they've watched a dvd that has 8 or so "episodes" of a little girl named freida who lived on the ship....they LOVED getting to see her and see more of the ship through her eyes. that dvd is probably the thing that has helped them be excited. they asked for prayer tuesday night at church (prayer week) - so the kids and the adults working with the kids prayed for them...i love that!!

We are SO excited for what this means for our children. We LOVE the thought of all they are going to get to see and experience and BE as they live & serve on Mercy Ships. Nick and I are confident that this is call to serve on Mercy Ships is for our entire family - not just for me and him. We are excited that they'll get to be around people from 40+ nations...that some of the students in their class will most likely be from other countries. We're excited that they'll get to be in the daily company of 400+ individuals who are committed to loving their Lord with all their heart, soul, mind and strength - and who have given their lives to serve Him. We're excited that they'll be able to practice so many of the things they've been hearing all their lives.

When will you be officially leaving Columbus?

as far as i know we are to be in texas on june 9 (not sure what time). i would imagine that we may leave on june 8 and get as far as we can...spend the night somewhere...and finish the trip on the 9th. because we can bring anything that we want shipped to the ship (ha) in addition to what we'll fly with (what we'll need while we're in texas those 3-4 weeks), we may rent a little uhaul trailer (that's just my idea for the time being....). i'm really not sure of all the logistics of getting us and our stuff to texas...we'll also be lining up childcare for our children for the hours we're in class (we haven't got that all figured out yet) - so how we get out there may depend on if someone is available to drive our car back (and even whether or not we drive our car depends on who buys it).

how can i pray for you right now?

as far as prayers -- the "big" things are (in no particular order) 1) that our house will sell (someone is looking at it...but we're not sure it's all going to work out....i'm really hoping it works out...for alot of reasons!!!!) 2)another huge thing is for the people that God will bring into TAs - especially for nick's job....again (like having in mind who i think should buy our house!), i have someone in mind for nick's job - he's been talked to...now he's praying. i want God to make it clear that he's the man for the job (or if he's not, that's fine...just let us know who is!!!!) 3)for the financial support we'll be raising....i think we're going to wait until after the "big" TA fundraiser to start our fundraising -- but that means we won't really start until early march....which really isn't that far away...but i would LOVE to go ahead and get started and know that we've got SOMETHING raised/pledged....but i think it will be best for TAs if we wait... 4)for the hearts of our families and friends -- especially our families. lots of thoughts and opinions and feelings have been shared with us - and we value and respect them all....but those feelings aren't going to affect whether we stay or go - God's made it clear that we're going. we don't want them to be mad at us....but the Truth is that it's ok if they are (as much as the thought of that hurts!). God's going to take care of them, too.

What else? feel free to send me any and all of your questions! (not that i have all the answers...but i certainly like questions). dianna@teenadvisors.org

amy q's - discipline/training

I wrote this in a word document and then copied/pasted it as a blog entry….I’m not a fan of all the capital letters that Microsoft Word so kindly changes for me – but I’m not up for changing them to lowercase either.

Someone who I love and respect and admire so very much sent me this question -- how did you discipline/train your children when they were too little to understand what you were saying? Through the toddler years and all when they can't understand what the word "obedience" means, how did you teach them to obey you?

Challenging question…cause I don’t always feel like I’m getting the obedience from my children that I’d like!! I often feel like a broken record, saying things like “obey first, ask questions next” and “I need to see immediate obedience…” and “what I am expecting to hear is ‘yes ma’m” – not ‘yes ma’m…but…’ just ‘yes ma’m.’” So if anyone else has thoughts that they’d like to add to this, feel free to email me and then I can post your thoughts – I’ll site the source and everything!! (I guess this is the time when allowing comments would be helpful….but I don’t wanna….)

My very first thought when I read the question is that training ME is just as important as training my children (maybe even more so?!). I think it’s important to start training/disciplining your children early – even before they understand - so that you “know” what you’re doing by the time they do understand (but do we ever truly “know” what we’re doing?!?). Consistency is valuable. It’s confusing for something to be allowed and then all of a sudden it’s off limits. If I don’t want my children ripping books up as 2 year olds, it’s my goal and desire to go ahead and help them learn that as a 10 month old (that’s just a random age….not the official “age of obedience training” or anything like that). My other immediate thought is that it seems like children understand a lot more than we may think they do. Emma is barely one and she very much knows when she has done something she shouldn’t – she gets this pitiful little look on her face and sort of tilts her head/eyes downward. Child development experts could probably contribute lots here about when children are cognitively aware of doing/not doing what is being asked of them…

So – to actually answer the question – HOW did (d0) I discipline/train my children when they were (are) little? Basically I just did my best not to let them get away with things as little ones that I wouldn’t let them get away with as an older child – for example: dropping food on the floor (of course, on accident is not what I’m talking about here….the intentional “I’m looking at you and I know you don’t want me to drop this but I’m going to drop it anyway and see what you do” is the kind I’m talking about.). if emma intentionally drops something on the floor, I look her in the eyes and take her by the hand and say semi-sternly (not tooooo harshly the first time!) “no, emma. We don’t drop food on the floor.” If she does it again, I say the same thing over again and I thump her little hand – not too hard, just enough to get her attention. (I know I know….some people disagree with that! And that’s ok! I’m just sharing what iiiiii do…I feel comfortable with the thump after the initial verbal instruction…others don’t…so then they need to find what works for them). if she does it again, i repeat the thump and the same phrase– but the thump doesn’t get stronger (and i TRY not to let my tone get stronger)….If she continues I remove the food (cause if she’s throwing it on the floor apparently she’s not hungry enough to eat it!).

Another example – we have stairs and I’ve never allowed my babies to climb up the stairs on their own. So if emma starts up the stairs I look at her and say “no, emma. You cannot climb up the stairs on your own. Mama needs to be behind you.” if she moves away from the stairs, great! End of discussion. If she doesn’t, I go and move her away from the stairs and give her another option (usually a toy to play with). If she heads back to the stairs, I immediately give her a thump and repeat the “no, emma. You cannot climb up the stairs on your own….” And I move her away again. We repeat this until she stops attempting to climb the stairs. All of my kids quickly learned not to go up the stairs on their own…so having stairs in our house without a baby gate has never been an issue for us (we do have a baby gate at the top of the stairs…but that’s more for my convenience – I can lock all 3 kids in :) and let them play upstairs without fear of emma tumbling down the stairs…though even if the gate happens to be open, she’ll just wait at the top of the stairs for someone to get her… I guess you could do the same training for coming down the stairs – but children tumbling down the stairs seems a bit more likely than tumbling up the stairs….)(random side note, when my children do start coming down the stairs on their own, they are taught to crawl down backwards....)

I think another thing I do is just talk a lot to my children about obedience – even when I have no clue if they are understanding a word I’m saying. That’s back to the “training me” part – it’s important to me that my children know WHY I am expecting them to obey – sometimes going ahead and putting words to it helps me realize that what I’m expecting is ridiculous OR that it’s right on.

I don’t know that I can say that I discipline my littlest one very much (yet) – I feel like I do more training than disciplining (I heard a quote that “the more you train now the less you’ll have to discipline later). So…I thump on occasion….i remove her from situations (I guess that could be considered a loss of a privilege)…I tell her that ______ (fill in the blank – pitching a fit, screaming, throwing a toy, taking something from someone, etc.) is not ok. Sometimes those things are discipline – sometimes those acts are training. Not sure I’m doing a good job of explaining the difference.

Who knew I had so many thoughts on this - and I sort of feel like I’m just scratching the surface (and I feel like the thoughts I’ve put out here are pretty random and scrambled….feel free to ask for clarification!). So glad the question was put out there. Obedience is definitely something that is worked on daily at the Cash House....we'll keep at it....we'll keep striving to be obedient to The One who most deserves our obedience - the Only One who disciplines and trains perfectly. And I'll trust Him as I seek to be the mom He wants me to be...

amy q's....but not from amy...God time with my kids...

what does your bible time look like with your kids? do you have a specific routine each day?resources?

i'll start by saying that some days are better than others in this area...we don't have a really specific routine - but sort of! i think "bible time with my kids" is alot like alot of things in my life -- there are some structured parts with lots of freedom to do things however feels best on that particular day.

a "ps" before i even really start -- it's so good for me to think about things like this (so i'm glad someone put this question out there!) - i appreciate the challenge to think about what it is that i'm doing....and to be able to realize "hey, i'm doing ok in this" or "wow, this needs some work." (or a mixture of the 2). in thinking about this, i'm realizing that there are 3 really important concepts that are core to teaching my kids about God and spending time with Him (there are probably more....but these are the 3 that are really sticking out):

1 - listening to God is more important than talking to God - what He has to say to us is more valuable than what we have to say to Him (but isn't it amazing that He still wants to hear what we have to say!?!)

2 - having a "set time with God" is important - and very very valuable...but it doesn't end there. God has so much He wants to show us and teach us and tell us ALL throughout the course of our day...not just in our "time alone with Him."

3 - my "goal" in teaching my kids about God could be summed up into 3 things -- that they would KNOW God and His love....that they would love Him back...that they would share His love with others.


on to the actual....the part that could be considered "structured" is that most days (ideally) we start our day with "God time" -- first thing after breakfast we each pick a spot (with my kids being 5 and 4, we pick spots in the same room...i can imagine one day everyone having their own spot all around the house. emma's spot right now is the pack and play with a few toys) and each child gets to pick a "God book" (see list below)-- they can read/look at their Bible or some other book that specifically talks about God. i also remind them to listen to God - to ask Him if there's anything He'd like to say. i usually sit with my bible and read a psalm or just pray for my kids. after about 5-7 minutes or so i put on a worship song...sometimes we just listen to it...sometimes we sing...sometimes we talk about what we just read/looked at/heard. then we usually read some sort of devotion together. the point of this part is more about teaching them the habit of being still and quiet with God - of having time where our focus is on nothing except for Him.

the parts that would be considered "unstructured" but very important and a part of our daily/weekly life:

--scripture memory and review. we do this all sorts of ways...some weeks we have a verse that we're working on as a family....some days we review the verses they already know (i keep a list on the inside of a kitchen cabinet with the reference and first few words of each verse). sometimes in order to "get" what they are asking for (candy, gum, to watch a particular video), they have to pick and say a verse (but it can't be 1 john 4:8 or philippians 4:4...those are their go-to verses that are too easy!!). some days as part of eli's writing i have him copy a verse that may pertain to something we've been talking about/dealing with. as part of our "curriculum" last year we had a verse each week that went with the letter we were working on - i would write the verse on notecard...so now they each have a set of 3x5 cards with verses on them - we add new verses to that and use it to review old ones.

--we use the take homes from their classes at church on sunday....and talk about what they are learning on sundays throughout the week...

--seeds family worship scripture songs play most of the time in their room...(i love that God's word in soaking into them whether they are actively realizing it or not!)

--nick and i share what God is teaching us - sometimes this is just in a conversation between the 2 of us at the dinner table (the kids just happen to get to listen in on it). sometimes it's directed to them.

--we pray (sounds so obvious...but it's a key element!). alot of our prayer time happens in the car - we pray for others...or for whatever we're heading to....or for nick....or for one another.... i try to make it a point to ask them if there's anything i can be praying about for/with them (sometimes they have an answer...sometimes they don't). something else that i'm thankful for is that i'm learning more and more to pray in frustrating situations....when i feel like i'm losing my patience we just stop and pray. OR i ask them to pray for me. ("eli, will you pray for me to be patience and peaceful?" "caroline, i'm feeling frustrated and i don't want to. will you pray for me right now?")

so that's that. one random thing that just came to mind is that "if you fail to plan, plan to fail." i don't really like cliches....but they are cliches for a reason. i know that if you don't have some sort of plan in mind for spending time with God/leading your children in spending time with God it's not going to happen...our lives and schedules don't naturally lend themselves to sitting still or being quiet or giving God our attention.

just this past week i "figured out" a new way to get the kids really excited about spending time with God...i spend my time alone with God first thing after they are in their rooms for rest/nap time....so on thursday i told them that it was time for them to rest and i was about to spend time with God. sweet caroline says "can i spend time with God with you, too??" and of course eli chimes in that he'd like to, too. you can't refuse that!!! well, i guess you can refuse that....and, in the future, i may end up redirecting them to their rooms to spend time with God on their own rather than sitting with me...but for the moment, pushing rest time back a little and letting them sit with me was the right thing to do...and it was a sweet time! eli was reading something in the old testament and saying things like "mama, did you know that such and such was 65 feet high?!" and caroline was looking at her precious moment bible - she has 3 pictures that are her favorites....she was thanking God for them and using them as prayer guides. it really was a beautiful time. i'm thankful for the times when God reminds me that He is more important than schedules and routines....He shows up in the sweetest ways when we make room for Him (and sometimes that's in the midst of a schedule or routine if we're paying attention!).

God books/favorite resources right now:
Fun Devotions for Boys: Gotta Have God (also good for girls!)
My Big Book of 5 minute Devotions - Celebrating God's world
My First Bedtime Bible (has neat pictures!)
Precious Moments Bible (has lots of neat devotions in it)
Little Visits with God
Berenstein Bears "Living Lights" series
What is God like? (Beverly Lewis)
We also have 2 felt play story books (one is Noah...one is Creation) - they used those early on for God time.

honestly, i'm not sure you can "go wrong"....i feel like i could walk into a Chrisian bookstore and randomly pick most anything and God could use it to bless us and teach us....but i've never actually tried that...but i've also never been intentional to get anything in particular - except for "fun devotions for boys," the books we have/use have all been given to us.

time for an amy q! recharging!!

what do you do to recharge yourself and when do you find the time to do so?

to recharge myself i: spend time with God....spend time away from my house...spend time without my kids (sometimes all 3 of those happen at the same time! actually, it happens weekly at Crave....i'm so thankful for that time!)...spend time with friends....go on dates with nick!...take naps (sometimes while the tallest 2 are watching a video i just lay right down on the futon and snooze)...i read...i blog! ha. there may be other things...but that's what's coming to mind.

when do i find the time to do so? i'm so thankful for the structure of my week....i feel like i have plenty of "built in" time where i am recharged 1) during my kids' rest time/nap time - sitting still with God and His word is my top priority...not dishes or laundry...or checking email....not getting on facebook. HIM. if there's time left over i try to use it to do things that i want to do - read or nap or check email. 2) wednesdays from 11:00-12:15 = crave with childcare = beautiful. 3)some weeknights if nick is home i'll "escape" for a bit after the kids go to bed....go to chick-fil-a and enjoy their free wi-fi....or go for a walk (in the summer time when it's not dark yet)....or meet a friend for coffee...i'm so thankful for a husband who not only "allows" that but encourages me to if that's what i need 4)date night is definitely a recharger for me - and for our marriage. those usually happen on wednesday nights. 5)community group on tuesday nights 6)friday fun on (you guessed it) friday mornings.

thinking about this is causing my heart to well up with thankfulness...thankful for the life God's blessed me with....thankful for the community that i am a part of...thankful that God is so faithful to refresh me and restore me...

time for another - amy q #3

who or what are your biggest influences when making parenting decisions?


biggest influence - God

next biggest influence - Nick

semi-big influence - books i've read (the ones that comes to mind -- sacred parenting, shepherding a child's heart, dare to discipline, just like jesus, parenting at its best, faithful parents/faithful kids, parenting isn't for cowards, too much of a good thing, babywise, the blessing)

another semi-big influence - Godly friends (moms who i look at and think "they're doing a good job - what do i want to do that they are doing?")


not an influence at all - the world's child centered parenting idea (sorry)(not sorry for the way i believe...just sorry if that offends anyone....)

amy q #2

where do you go for support/encouragement when being a mom is challenging?


literally - sometimes i go to my bed and take a nap. sometimes i go to the park and run. sometimes i go to the spectrum on wynnton road and get a big cup of coke or dr. pepper for .79 (.85 once tax is added). when it's really challenging i go to baskin robbins and get a cappucino blast.

less literally (but still pretty literal) - i go to my dining room table and i sit down with The One who believes most in my abilities as a mom and with His word. i let Him tell me that He has given me everything i need for life and godliness (and everything i need to be the mom He's called me to be)...and that it's ok for me to be weak - because He IS strong. i pour out my heart like water to the one who can handle it - i tell Him how very frustrated i am and how very hard this mothering deal seems to be...i am reminded that He gently leads those that have young...that His grace is sufficient and that He is enough. i confess my mistakes - my harsh words or tones, my impatience, my reactions that were less than Christ-like. i ask for forgiveness.


sometimes i tune into the prayer room at ihop.org or put in a favorite cd and worship. taking my eyes off of me and putting them on Him always seems to help.


where else do i go? to my faithful husband who is so gracious and understanding. i spill it out on him. i go to my friends who i know are dealing with similar challenges - i go to the friends who i know will pray for me and encourage me (God has blessed me with some wonderful moms to share life with - moms who do not waive off challenges or dismiss them as "no big deal"...moms who don't make excuses for sinfulness and ungodly behavior but who are striving to be holy as He is holy).


(when i'm at my best in the middle of a challenging moment i stay calm and prayerful...we peacefully figure out a solution...or i at least send them upstairs to watch a video while i compose my spirit and gain back some self-control. at my worst, i say terrible things in my head and make lots of ridiculous noises - "grrrs..." and "aggghs..." i say dumb things like "if only you would have listened..." or "why didn't you obey?!" i say things that i then have to ask their forgiveness for. they are so gracious to forgive, as is He.)

introduction of amy q's

so i was telling my sister (my lovely amazing incredible beautiful insightful intelligent fabulous sister) about my blog...and how i didn't really know exactly what it was supposed to be about...and i asked if she had any thoughts for me....and she threw out a bunch of questions in regards to my parenting -- (i'm calling them "amy q's")...so then i asked if she'd e-mail me those and then i'd answer them as part of this thing i'm calling my blog. ha. still makes me laugh a little that i have a blog. but i do. so this is the first installment of "amy q's"...i'm starting with an easy one...

how do you encourage your children to eat healthy?

my first response to that was, "do you really think my children eat healthy?" i definitely want them to...but i'm not convinced that they do!! her response was "YES--I do think your children eat healthy . . . fruit or vegetable with every meal, good snacks, limited juice--yeah you're certainly on the healthy train and you do it well!"

i don't know about any "healthy train"...but i think it comes down to keeping the food pyramid in mind (and a fun song that i learned from a "signing time" video -- 1,2,3,4,5 a day...eating in a healthy way...veggie veggie fruit fruit veggie day...or a fruit veggie fruit veggie fruit day...or any combination of the 2 that equal 5!) and then giving them "win/win choices" (that applies to so much of my parenting). for instance, if they ask for a snack i give them 2 good options -- apple slices or a banana (as opposed to a choice between apple slices or a cookie)...yogurt with granola or carrots (i would choose the yogurt all day long...i'm not a fan of carrots). if they don't want either, that's fine...they just don't get a snack then -- cause i always offer something that i KNOW they like...if they're really hungry, they'll eat it.

when they ask for a snack and it's close to a meal, rather than saying "no, you'll spoil your supper" (moms everywhere are cringing), i usually give them something that was going to be a part of their supper anyway -- usually the fruit is the most accessible thing. they still eat the other 80% of their meal at the table with the rest of the family when it's supper time.

honestly, i always wondered how it would work trying to get my kids to eat vegetables because i don't really eat them. so far it's been fine - i usually eat a little portion of whatever i'm serving them (and, surprisingly, i've grown to like - or at least tolerate - some of it!). it actually helps to be able to say "i don't really like it either...but i'm eating it because i know it's good for me and i want to take care of the body God's given me." the downside is that i don't really try too many new vegetables. we eat pretty "standard" vegetables.

something my friend carey shared with me is "try bites." just try one bite - like it? keep eating it. don't like it? don't eat anymore. try bites work for us on new things. on things i know they've eaten before and liked, i expect them to eat all, or at least most, of it... or if they've tried it in the past and not liked it i have them do a new try bite - my thought (or at least my tactic) is that their taste buds MAY have changed since the last time they tried it - they are older than the last time they tried it and they might like it this time!

other things we do:

--watered down juice. that was something that we started when they were first drinking juice as toddlers and we've just kept doing it. they usually have juice with breakfast - and usually it's about 60%water and 40% juice. they get "real juice" with their yaya and every now and then at other times. it's not their source for vitamin....and i think the water is more important for them.

--they don't drink sodas...not because we're "anti-soda" (we're very much pro soda...man, cherry coke is good.) -- but because when soda is available there's usually an option that they are just as delighted to get - lemonade or fruit punch. i think there's something about the caffeine, sugar and carbonation that i'm steering them clear of for now...there will be plenty of time for sodas later in life!

--something that i'm realizing is that there's not really anything that's "off limits" for our family. we just seek moderation. my kids have candy and desserts and such...but it's limited and has boundaries.

--vitamins on occassion. i'm not a daily vitamin giver (a daily vitamin taker...but not giver...primarily because i eat far worse than my children) - i give them vitamins about 3 times a week, if that -- and that's not for any particular reason (i'm not against daily vitamins...for some reason i just don't feel like it's necessary)(i read in article that talked about all vitamins being completely unnecessary...i do believe i disagree with that - obviously i do because i give my kids vitamins and i take one daily myself). my thinking is that it's not hurting them...and could possibly be helping...and they like them.... thus they get vitamins a few times each week.

-- they aren't allowed to just go in the kitchen and get snacks and drinks. the fact that i'm involved in the process probably has alot to do with what they end up choosing. we typically have 3 meals a day with 2 small snacks in between (only if they request a snack). they typically drink milk for at least one meal each day....water for the other one (juice for b'fast).

--we don't enforce clean plates. there's a "no dessert without a clean plate policy" - but they are welcome to leave whatever they don't want on their plate (sometimes, when there's food left on their plate, the meal ends with "thank you for supper. i don't want dessert tonite. may i be excused?" yes. you may.) (the funny thing to me is that dessert is rarely anything exciting - 90% of the time dessert for them means picking one little something out of "their basket" -- a little basket with candy in it).

other FYI: my kids' favorite snacks: yogurt, carrots with ranch (eli, not caroline), chips & salsa, apples (pretty much any fruit...except for cantaloupe), crackers & cheese, cereal (not too sugary**see note below), granola bars, fruit and grain bars, popcorn (i pop it on a pot on the stove...it's fun! and seems a bit healthier than the stuff in the bag)

**i don't know if eli has the opposite of a sweet tooth - every so often he'll say something about not wanting a particular item because it's "too sugary." he also denied a second scoop of icecream the other night by saying "one is plenty, mama. i've had enough sugar."

so there ya go...the first answer to one of amy's questions. it's what we do and what works for us - not necessarily right for you...or maybe it is. if anyone HAPPENS to be reading this - do you have any thoughts? how do YOU get your kids to eat healthy?

in other news: nick and i picked up a stray kitten last night. i don't think i ever really pictured myself doing that. he or she is fluffy and black and little. the kids call him/her "princess izzy"...nick calls her "skittles"...i call her something different everytime. so we have a new little kitty...who stays outside.