I remember getting the call that the one we had decided would be Samuel would not be ours after all.
I remember losing our precious Andrew. A baby developing without a skull didn't make sense to me - one tiny flap didn't form at the right time. One tiny flap that I knew hadn't escaped God's perfect knitting together of this beloved boy. One tiny flap.
And I remember thinking that hard things happen - and they don't make sense...
I remember getting the call that the birth mom had chosen us.
I remember (with the help of pictures) getting to celebrate the birthdays of our children....all 34 birthdays (so far)
And I remember thinking that good things happen - and they don't make sense...
No, we didn't "deserve" to not get to bring a baby home from the hospital after delivering him...and we didn't "deserve" to have the baby that was all but promised to us given to another family...but we also didn't "deserve" to bring home 3 healthy babies from the hospital...and we didn't "deserve" to be chosen to be family to our sweet little Zoe Grace...and we don't "deserve" to have kids who are healthy and thriving and growing.
Thank you, God, that you do not give us what we deserve.
Our God is good. Regardless of the outcome. It's easy to say that He's good when the outcome is what we hoped it would be. When the surgery is successful. When the baby is born healthy. When the promotion is given. When the child is obedient. When there is nothing major going on.
But what about when death is what you're dealing with? What about when you can not get (or stay) pregnant? What about when the promotion is given to someone else? What about when the child is pitching fits and defiantly disobeying? What about when you get a diagnosis that you hate? What about when you just don't see how things are ever going to get better? What about when you're sick of being single? What about when the marriage ends? What about...what about...what about....
Even then.
God is good.
He is good.
Truly all of the time.
REMEMBER. The word keeps coming up...and there is a book by the authentically gorgeous Annie F. Downs and there is a song by the faithful Steven Curtis Chapman...
I want to "remember to remember" that He is good. Always.
And it came to my heart today as I was grieving for a friend in the car...His Goodness has nothing to do with our circumstances.
Whether I see it...whether I feel it...whether I can remember or not...He is good. He is faithful. He is love. He is for us. He is with us. He is enough.
And I want to write this on a day when I can feel it and see it and I have a bazillion examples of His goodness laying on my lap and filling up my heart...I want to have a record of it because somedays it is hard for me sense His nearness and His goodness - it is there, always there...I'm asking Him to increase my ability to remember and recognize.
May we recognize His goodness in the darkest of nights and in the brightest of days. May we remember His goodness on the smoothest of roads and on the most tumultuous of trails. May we hold tight to His goodness on the delightful days as well as the dreadful ones.
Call it to mind. He is faithful. He is good.
God is good.
He is good.
Truly all of the time.
Surely there will be more to come.
