all i want...

all i want is to be where He wants me. doing what He wants me to do.

if He wants me here, may i be here - content, wholeheartedly and fully focused (and obviously here is where He wants me since here is where i am).

if He wants us to become a military family or servants on a ship off the coast of africa or teachers in a south american village...or something that He hasn't even brought to our minds, may we do the exact thing He wants us to do - exactly where and exactly when.

if He wants us to be a family of 5, may we be content (and obviously, a family of 5 is what He wants us to be for this moment in time).

if He wants us to be a family of 6 or 7 or 8 or 13 or WHATEVER number, may we be patiently obedient and faithfully persistent to welcome and love each and every child He trusts us with....and may we quietly, willingly, faithfully walk at His pace....

for all the "if's" - He is I Am.
for all the things that are and are to come - He is I am.
for every hope, desire, hope calling, purpose, longing - He is I am

He is the desire of my heart. He is my hope. He is my calling. He is my purpose. He is my longing.

i just want to be where He wants me. doing what He wants me to do. for now, that is being (first, foremost and always) His beloved daughter... then a wife, a mom, a friend, an employee of Teen Advisors...a helper, an organizer, a facilitator, a connector, a resource...filled up, poured out, surrendered, His.

it's all for You and for Your glory, God... working unto You, doing all that i do as if i'm doing it for you - washing your clothes, fixing your lunch, sweeping your floor, taking out your recycling, paying your bills, organizing your supplies....doing the unnoticed with just as much passion and care as the noticed...

all i want is to be with You - right where You want me. doing what You want me to do.

thursday for a few more minutes

• so very thankful to be a beloved daughter of our God. what an honor.
• thankful for time away with my husband
• thankful for five guys burgers & fries
• thankful for worship
• thankful for things done with excellence and for the glory of God
• thankful for so much more...but i'm quite tired and thinking about the bed i'm about to go crawl into - thankful for the generosity of friends to host us and save TAs money on hotel rooms while we're in Atlanta for the Catalyst Conference. (more to come about that)
  

few favorite quotes

Favorite Song Quote as of late:

"The only place I ever will belong - Inside your open arms." - jon foreman song

Favorite Eli Quote/Interaction as of late:

Avoiding sleep tactic #785: Eli walked into the dining room at 9:50 last night (Nick and I were sitting in there working on stuff). He said, "Mom, i need to work on my typing." I said, "Ok. Let's do that tomorrow." He said, "I was hoping to do that now." I said, "No. Go to bed." He said, "aww..." And then he went back to bed. I'm just wondering what he came in there in the first place for...it wasn't to ask if he could work on his typing!

Favorite Caroline Quote/Interaction as of late:

We were laying in her bed talking and praying as she was getting ready to fall asleep and we were talking about her ears and how I've been praying for them to get better (they've got fluid in them again - which is making it quite difficult for her to hear...they don't hurt and they aren't infected or anything...just have fluid...). She said, "I've been praying about that very thing, Mama. I've been praying that God would just touch 'em and 'Snap!' they would be better." I said, "that would be awesome." She said, "but it's ok with me if He does it His way even if it's not the way I want Him to." Goodness. Such wisdom from a little girl.

Favorite Quote from Community Group:

"what is it with us and ugly marsupials?" -- molly white

Favorite Quote from "Jesus Calling" this week:

"do not look inward and lament the lack you find there. look to Me and My sufficiency; rejoice in My radiant riches that are abundantly available to help you."

so much to be thankful for!!!!! in no particular order...

• eli saying "boogie...boogie 1...boogie 2...etc." (he's mispronouncing "bogie" on the putt-putt course...and each additional stroke is an added number...so a bogie 17 means it took par + 17 to get the ball in the hole.)(i don't think he actually had a bogie 17...but another in our party did)
  
• faithful pray-ers praying on our behalf. what a gift!
  
• talk of a candy eating contest
• the chance to see horrible parenting (may sound ridiculous to be thankful for that...but it was a very real and visible and obvious reminder of why it's so important to speak with love and kindness to my children)(and to not say ridiculous things like "well, just go home then." that won't work when you're in the middle of a theme park and your child is 8)
• a late night walk around a beautiful lake lined with scenes from a variety of countries. what a pleasant way to pray for the world.
• vacation. i do believe this is the best one yet. i love being with this family of mine.
• kids sleeping until 9:00 this morning. they're vacationing, too (of course that may be due to the fact that we ate "supper" at 10:00pm last night....)
• cherry coke. and lots of it.
• riding the hippo (fake hippo...just the name of the inflatable water slide)
  
• seeing the baby elephant (a real one)
• 193,800 points on the buzz light year ride
  
• end of the day pictures last night
• eating lunch while waiting for the dumbo ride. nick saying "i'm pretty impressed with us right now."
• finishing a letter that's been in the making for a week (it's out of my hands, mary...should be heading your way!)
  
• all of emma's new words!!! (eli saying "emma say (fill in the blank)" - and she does!)
  
• knowing our chickens, bell peppers and mail are all in good hands while we're gone
• "from c to silent t" and "super-cali-frag-ilistic your country is atrocious"
  
• getting to observe beautiful things (even if no one else is watching)
  
• coffee and french toast
• nick's laughter
• "you can go first." "no...you can go first."
• "enough is enough" (eli telling me there was enough icecream in his bowl)
• caroline's backflips on the jumpy thingy
• reading a book that is (pretty successfully) combining amish life with a mob story
• silly wigs in super target
• free ice. cold water.
  
• a husband who takes an active role in planning our making our vacations successful...he is so awesome.
  

adoption update...cause we need one of those from time to time

Not much to report. Just waiting. The latest thing I feel like God has told me about this adoption is that I need to stop making it about me. Ha. I love that God of ours. Tells it like it is. He was so gentle and loving and kind…but still got his point across. Basically I was praying and asking Him about our wait…and wondering how long it’s going to be…asking if there’s anything I’m supposed to be doing right now…etc. etc. etc. Very gently in my spirit I heard “stop making this about you, dianna…don’t think so much about how much you’re having to wait and wondering how long it will be until this child(ren) are brought to you…or what you are supposed to be doing. Let it be about Me.” Ok, God. I’m trying!

I do feel a renewed sense of “longing” – a readiness to meet the child(ren) that God’s going to bring into our family. I heard "Hello" while I was running and it brought me to tears again...

Because I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely?
Or is someone loving you?

Makes me laugh a little that this is my 'adoption song' (every word in it doesn't fit...but alot of it does) - there are lots of songs that God has used at different times and in different situations in my life. Yay for Lionel Richie's "hello" for such a time as this (just a little extra info: usually the version in my head is David Cook's or the performance from Glee).

I know so many of you are already praying for us and for any children that God may bring into our family…thank you for that priceless gift. Your prayers are laying a foundation that our human minds can’t even comprehend…a foundation that is absolutely essential. Along those lines, I feel like He’s challenged me to gather a team of people who are dedicated to praying for our adoption(s) on a regular basis – this one and any others that may be in the future. I’m looking for people/couples/families who are willing to pick a day of the week and pray for us specifically on that day. If you’re interested, please email me (dianna@teenadvisors.org) or send me a message on facebook.

For now, I'm going to keep trying to make everything more about Him and less about me...and seek to enjoy the 3 children God's trusting me with - not being anxious for anything that may (or may not!) happen in the future but in all things - especially in the waiting - I'll give thanks.

addendum to last post...

still thinking about His love that we cannot be separated from....(and loving having conversations with others who are thinking on some of the same things!)...I inserted some of my own words into romans 8…

“I am convinced that nothing – no success or mistake, crankiness or contentment, awakeness or sleepiness, focus or distractedness, good attitudes or bad, waiting or rushing – not the good or the bad - absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our master has embraced us.”

so thankful.

In other news…I was rejected again by the American Red Cross as a blood donor. Iron level still isn’t high enough. I’ve been taking my vitamins and everything!!! Oh well. It was higher than last time…but not up to American Red Cross standards. I didn’t even get a sticker this time (not even the illusion that I made a difference!). Maybe next time. :)

NOTHING can separate us from His love.

I wish I had a “whole” blog (ie – a long, thought out philosophical essay) to offer …. but I don’t…I just have a question followed by more questions…followed be a few thoughts...

I can’t get these questions out of my head – why do so many humans try so hard to run from God’s love? Why do we try to find every excuse in the book for why He couldn’t or shouldn’t or doesn’t or won’t love us? Why do we reject the only thing that is perfect and trustworthy and amazing and wonderful and free and OURS? Why is it so hard to accept God’s love for us?

Romans 8:38-39 (msg) I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.



Romans 8:38-39 (niv) For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

NOTHING can separate us from the love of God. Nothing – not even our own rejection of His love can separate us from His love (now we’re going crazy deep). Nothing. So why do so many have such a hard time believing his love and receiving his love? I just don't understand...