just been thinking about how to handle the moments when i feel like i'm at the worst as a mom...when i'm at the end of my patience...at the end of the little bit of grace i feel like i have to give....when it feels like nothing i'm doing is working as far as training my kids...just tired...cranky...bothered.
the songs that played on the ipod during my figure 8 around lakebottom last night were from Him, i'm sure of it. "i run... i crawl....it doesn't matter how i get there....only that i would be here at all." "when everything falls apart You hold me together" "morning by morning new mercies i see...all i have needed you have provided."
notes from sunday morning -- strength will rise when we wait upon the Lord. He does not grow weak or weary....He tells us to come to Him when we do grow tired and weary. "Come to me....I will give you rest." He gently leads those that have young. His grace is sufficient. He KNOWS what He's getting us into by giving us children. He is the answer. running to Him in those moments IS the answer...nothing else matters.
come, Lord Jesus, come. i invite you into every part of my life. i invite you into the moments when i'm doing alright (the reality is you're already there...that's the only reason i'm doing alright!)...and i invite you into the moments where i am most unlike you (may i KNOW your presence more and more in those moments!!). i invite you into my frustration....consume it. i invite you into my tiredness...refresh me. i invite you into my decisions...may they honor you. i invite you into my mind...may every thought be obedient to you. may i know your nearness...
26 October 2010
22 October 2010
the game & not having an std
i've made up a game. it needs a new name. the current name does not honor God - and is completely irrelevant to the game itself.
how to play: you must have a leap frog fridge set of letters (or really any set of alphabet letters) - one of each letter (ONLY one of each letter!). you try to make words using as many of the letters as possible.
scoring: when you're done, you count of the points of the letters that are left
vowels = 5 points (you really shouldn't have any of those left!)
W Q X Z V = 4 points
F J G B K = 3 points
L P H Y D = 2 points
C N M R S T = 1 point
hints: use "y" as a vowel; only use one vowel in a word if possible; nymph is an amazing word for this game
the best i've ever done was 17 points. my words were "why, quack, next, drops, limb" that left F(3) G(3) J(3) Z(4) V(4). i know i can do better...
the "ever so wonderful - super smart - i'm awesome at the english language - miss english major - genius in hiding - i love her so much - amazing" mary smith has gotten it down to 8 points. if you can beat that, let us know. we want to know how.
in other news: i don’t have syphyilis. i have the piece of paper to prove it. (not that i thought i did....but i had to get an "rpr" test as part of the adoption paperwork. so i go to the health department and request an "rpr"....as the lady is taken my blood i ask "so what is an rpr test actually testing?" she says "syphilis." i said "oh....well, i don't have it...and if i do, i want to know where it came from. guess it's good to get tested." glad to know that i don't have syphyilis.)
how to play: you must have a leap frog fridge set of letters (or really any set of alphabet letters) - one of each letter (ONLY one of each letter!). you try to make words using as many of the letters as possible.
scoring: when you're done, you count of the points of the letters that are left
vowels = 5 points (you really shouldn't have any of those left!)
W Q X Z V = 4 points
F J G B K = 3 points
L P H Y D = 2 points
C N M R S T = 1 point
hints: use "y" as a vowel; only use one vowel in a word if possible; nymph is an amazing word for this game
the best i've ever done was 17 points. my words were "why, quack, next, drops, limb" that left F(3) G(3) J(3) Z(4) V(4). i know i can do better...
the "ever so wonderful - super smart - i'm awesome at the english language - miss english major - genius in hiding - i love her so much - amazing" mary smith has gotten it down to 8 points. if you can beat that, let us know. we want to know how.
in other news: i don’t have syphyilis. i have the piece of paper to prove it. (not that i thought i did....but i had to get an "rpr" test as part of the adoption paperwork. so i go to the health department and request an "rpr"....as the lady is taken my blood i ask "so what is an rpr test actually testing?" she says "syphilis." i said "oh....well, i don't have it...and if i do, i want to know where it came from. guess it's good to get tested." glad to know that i don't have syphyilis.)
the best list of questions i've come across in a long time
the point: to recognize all there is to recognize about your thoughts and heart and being - to become aware of all sorts of things that are right below the surface that you weren't aware of (or you weren't brave enough to fully acknowledge). to learn that all sorts of things are brewing on the inside that we might miss if we're not careful.
credit: rob bell
what is frustrating me right now?
what am i angry about?
what am i scared of?
what am i dreading?
what am i anxious about?
what concerns me?
what is stressing me right now, the smallest thing that i don't want to write down because it seems dumb but it actually is stressing me?
what am i looking forward to?
credit: rob bell
what is frustrating me right now?
what am i angry about?
what am i scared of?
what am i dreading?
what am i anxious about?
what concerns me?
what is stressing me right now, the smallest thing that i don't want to write down because it seems dumb but it actually is stressing me?
what am i looking forward to?
15 October 2010
another piece of the adoption puzzle
today is one of those days when it's easy to know that God is in control and that He is good and that He loves me.
i've been thinking alot about the "pace" of our adoption process and how thankful i am for it!! it hasn't felt all slow and drawn out and tedious....nor has it felt too fast or frenzied or crazy-can't-keep-up-with-this. it's been a nice leisurely pace...like a delightful walk on a trail through the woods. it seems like we've been able to take it all step by step...adding a piece and then another piece and then another to the puzzle. on weeks that are full and there really isn't much time to do anything "extra" there's been nothing that needs to be done....then when things need to be done (bloodwork drawn, letters obtained, copies made), the gaps of time have appeared and worked out rather perfectly. i appreciate God's faithfulness in the pace of this for us.
we had another set of interviews this morning --a few more questions for me and nick....some questions for mary...some questions for eli and caroline (the conclusion of those questions: they are excited about having a new brother and are ok with him calling me and nick "mama and daddy" -- "but not mommy...only mama...cause that's what we call her"....and eli is excited to get bunkbeds.). we also had our "home tour"....it was alot "less" than i thought it would be. i wasn't sure if they were going to need to open closets and drawers and the fridge. it was more like "this is the dining room.....ok....this is the kitchen....ok....here's eli's room....here's the bathroom....). alot less evasive than i anticipated! (i must say i am EXTREMELY thankful for the neat condition our house is in at the moment as a result of knowing someone was going to be "touring" it)(i wish my heart could be as at peace with mess as i am with order....)
so from here our "case" will be sent to the state office to be approved (or disapproved!). from what i understand they have 4 weeks to approve (or disapprove!) us. after that, i think we'll start "looking" at children who are available - our caseworker will let us know if she knows of any children that seem like they'd be a good fit for us. and we'll go from there i suppose...
it's still an incredible process....i'm still not sure how it's going to turn out....it still feels like the biggest step of faith i've ever gotten to take. it's exciting!
i love knowing that prayers are being lifted up on our behalf and on behalf of this little one (possibly little ones?!). thank you, God, for the ones who are walking with us as we walk with You on this adventure of adoption. we trust You...we want what You want for this child and for our family....it's all for You...
i've been thinking alot about the "pace" of our adoption process and how thankful i am for it!! it hasn't felt all slow and drawn out and tedious....nor has it felt too fast or frenzied or crazy-can't-keep-up-with-this. it's been a nice leisurely pace...like a delightful walk on a trail through the woods. it seems like we've been able to take it all step by step...adding a piece and then another piece and then another to the puzzle. on weeks that are full and there really isn't much time to do anything "extra" there's been nothing that needs to be done....then when things need to be done (bloodwork drawn, letters obtained, copies made), the gaps of time have appeared and worked out rather perfectly. i appreciate God's faithfulness in the pace of this for us.
we had another set of interviews this morning --a few more questions for me and nick....some questions for mary...some questions for eli and caroline (the conclusion of those questions: they are excited about having a new brother and are ok with him calling me and nick "mama and daddy" -- "but not mommy...only mama...cause that's what we call her"....and eli is excited to get bunkbeds.). we also had our "home tour"....it was alot "less" than i thought it would be. i wasn't sure if they were going to need to open closets and drawers and the fridge. it was more like "this is the dining room.....ok....this is the kitchen....ok....here's eli's room....here's the bathroom....). alot less evasive than i anticipated! (i must say i am EXTREMELY thankful for the neat condition our house is in at the moment as a result of knowing someone was going to be "touring" it)(i wish my heart could be as at peace with mess as i am with order....)
so from here our "case" will be sent to the state office to be approved (or disapproved!). from what i understand they have 4 weeks to approve (or disapprove!) us. after that, i think we'll start "looking" at children who are available - our caseworker will let us know if she knows of any children that seem like they'd be a good fit for us. and we'll go from there i suppose...
it's still an incredible process....i'm still not sure how it's going to turn out....it still feels like the biggest step of faith i've ever gotten to take. it's exciting!
i love knowing that prayers are being lifted up on our behalf and on behalf of this little one (possibly little ones?!). thank you, God, for the ones who are walking with us as we walk with You on this adventure of adoption. we trust You...we want what You want for this child and for our family....it's all for You...
05 October 2010
tuesday morning thoughts
but by the grace of God, there go i.
one might get discouraged if you think about things too much.
october, how i love thee!
my teeth were chattering earlier and i LOVE it!!
He loves us. Oh how He loves us!!!
caroline: "i want to die"
me: (silence...raised eyebrows in questioning surprise...)
caroline: "i just really want to know what heaven is like."
one might get discouraged if you think about things too much.
october, how i love thee!
my teeth were chattering earlier and i LOVE it!!
He loves us. Oh how He loves us!!!
caroline: "i want to die"
me: (silence...raised eyebrows in questioning surprise...)
caroline: "i just really want to know what heaven is like."
01 October 2010
still thirsty. still drinking.
Psalm 63
God- you’re my God! I can’t get enough of you! Here I am…drinking in your strength and glory. In your generous love I’m really living at last! I hold on to you for dear life…
Psalm 42
I want to drink God, deep draughts of God. I’m thirsty for God-alive.
God- you’re my God! I can’t get enough of you! Here I am…drinking in your strength and glory. In your generous love I’m really living at last! I hold on to you for dear life…
Psalm 42
I want to drink God, deep draughts of God. I’m thirsty for God-alive.
27 September 2010
colby caillat says it well...
"so lucky to be in love with my best friend
so lucky to have been where we have been
so lucky to be coming home again"
nick and i just had one of THE sweetest weekends of our married life...more than that, one of the sweetest weekends of my entire life!! we were given a marriage retreat at winshape on berry college's mountain campus....what a gift!!! God is so good to us. i knew i was looking forward to it - i have been since we were told about it close to a year ago. i just didn't realize that i was getting my IDEAL weekend in so many ways - the weekend i would dream up if someone said "what would your perfect weekend look like?" it would look like getting to be with nick...in a beautiful outdoors setting...getting to hike/exercise...getting to sleep in a comfy bed with the air turned really low...getting to take walks and sit in swings...getting to just BE with the one i love so much without much distraction...
if you're ever given a winshape marriage retreat, don't think twice about it...go. or if you want to save up for/spend your money on something worthwhile - this would be an excellent choice...or if you need an idea of what to ask for as a gift for your birthday or christmas - or if you need an idea of something to give as a gift (to your spouse or another couple!) - chose a winshape marriage retreat. if your marriage is wonderful, go. if your marriage is in trouble, go. if your marriage is somewhere in the middle, go. if you're about to get married, go - they've got a retreat for couples who are engaged...i've heard it's awesome!! i can't recommend winshape marriage retreats enough.
i am in awe at the way we were loved and blessed and served this weekend....from greeters in the parking lot who took our luggage to our room...to having peaceful music playing in our room when we walked in...to knowing that we were prayed for long before we even arrived...to the limitless coke (and dr. pepper!) and popcorn...to the fanastic meals (i even ate and enjoyed vegetables!)...to the hike to the reservoir...to the absence of tv, internet, phones (for the most part)....to the sweet worship around the bonfire....to the teaching...to the beautiful amazing setting...to the fun time on the ropes course...to the excellence that surrounded us all weekend (the thoughfulness of the "chic-fil-a industry" amazes me)...it was all so special and enjoyable.
but my favorite part - my most favorite thing - was getting to spend so much time with nick. he is my best friend. my favorite person to be around. you could have taken away everything else and just given me time with nick and i would have been more than satisfied. i am beyond thankful for him and for our marriage....why in the world did God choose to bless me in this way? He is so wonderful....so amazing....and He has given me someone who is so wonderful and so amazing.
i am so thankful to be in love with my best friend....so thankful to have been where we have been....and i am so thankful to be back home again...but, honestly, i'm trying to convince myself that i'm so thankful to be back home again -- at the moment, i'd rather be in a place that i don't have to clean...where i don't have to fix meals...where there's not much of anything to do except have conversations with my best friend and enjoy God's creation....but, really, i AM blessed to be back home...i am blessed that the same man that i enjoyed up on mountain campus is the same one i share a bed with here in columbus....so thankful that a weekend like this isn't the only time i feel connected, loved and appreciated.
(one of my other most favorite parts was discovering that eating chocolate chips with a chic-fil-a mint is a delightful combination!!)
(one other random note: not sure why but the "post time" for all of my posts are incorrect...this one says it's is 5:34 am. it's definitely not 5:34am. it's 8:37am. oh well.)
so lucky to have been where we have been
so lucky to be coming home again"
nick and i just had one of THE sweetest weekends of our married life...more than that, one of the sweetest weekends of my entire life!! we were given a marriage retreat at winshape on berry college's mountain campus....what a gift!!! God is so good to us. i knew i was looking forward to it - i have been since we were told about it close to a year ago. i just didn't realize that i was getting my IDEAL weekend in so many ways - the weekend i would dream up if someone said "what would your perfect weekend look like?" it would look like getting to be with nick...in a beautiful outdoors setting...getting to hike/exercise...getting to sleep in a comfy bed with the air turned really low...getting to take walks and sit in swings...getting to just BE with the one i love so much without much distraction...
if you're ever given a winshape marriage retreat, don't think twice about it...go. or if you want to save up for/spend your money on something worthwhile - this would be an excellent choice...or if you need an idea of what to ask for as a gift for your birthday or christmas - or if you need an idea of something to give as a gift (to your spouse or another couple!) - chose a winshape marriage retreat. if your marriage is wonderful, go. if your marriage is in trouble, go. if your marriage is somewhere in the middle, go. if you're about to get married, go - they've got a retreat for couples who are engaged...i've heard it's awesome!! i can't recommend winshape marriage retreats enough.
i am in awe at the way we were loved and blessed and served this weekend....from greeters in the parking lot who took our luggage to our room...to having peaceful music playing in our room when we walked in...to knowing that we were prayed for long before we even arrived...to the limitless coke (and dr. pepper!) and popcorn...to the fanastic meals (i even ate and enjoyed vegetables!)...to the hike to the reservoir...to the absence of tv, internet, phones (for the most part)....to the sweet worship around the bonfire....to the teaching...to the beautiful amazing setting...to the fun time on the ropes course...to the excellence that surrounded us all weekend (the thoughfulness of the "chic-fil-a industry" amazes me)...it was all so special and enjoyable.
but my favorite part - my most favorite thing - was getting to spend so much time with nick. he is my best friend. my favorite person to be around. you could have taken away everything else and just given me time with nick and i would have been more than satisfied. i am beyond thankful for him and for our marriage....why in the world did God choose to bless me in this way? He is so wonderful....so amazing....and He has given me someone who is so wonderful and so amazing.
i am so thankful to be in love with my best friend....so thankful to have been where we have been....and i am so thankful to be back home again...but, honestly, i'm trying to convince myself that i'm so thankful to be back home again -- at the moment, i'd rather be in a place that i don't have to clean...where i don't have to fix meals...where there's not much of anything to do except have conversations with my best friend and enjoy God's creation....but, really, i AM blessed to be back home...i am blessed that the same man that i enjoyed up on mountain campus is the same one i share a bed with here in columbus....so thankful that a weekend like this isn't the only time i feel connected, loved and appreciated.
(one of my other most favorite parts was discovering that eating chocolate chips with a chic-fil-a mint is a delightful combination!!)
(one other random note: not sure why but the "post time" for all of my posts are incorrect...this one says it's is 5:34 am. it's definitely not 5:34am. it's 8:37am. oh well.)
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