20 September 2011

adoption update...cause we need one of those from time to time


Not much to report. Just waiting. The latest thing I feel like God has told me about this adoption is that I need to stop making it about me. Ha. I love that God of ours. Tells it like it is. He was so gentle and loving and kind…but still got his point across. Basically I was praying and asking Him about our wait…and wondering how long it’s going to be…asking if there’s anything I’m supposed to be doing right now…etc. etc. etc. Very gently in my spirit I heard “stop making this about you, dianna…don’t think so much about how much you’re having to wait and wondering how long it will be until this child(ren) are brought to you…or what you are supposed to be doing. Let it be about Me.” Ok, God. I’m trying!

I do feel a renewed sense of “longing” – a readiness to meet the child(ren) that God’s going to bring into our family. I heard "Hello" while I was running and it brought me to tears again...
Because I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely?
Or is someone loving you?
Makes me laugh a little that this is my 'adoption song' (every word in it doesn't fit...but alot of it does) - there are lots of songs that God has used at different times and in different situations in my life. Yay for Lionel Richie's "hello" for such a time as this (just a little extra info: usually the version in my head is David Cook's or the performance from Glee).

I know so many of you are already praying for us and for any children that God may bring into our family…thank you for that priceless gift. Your prayers are laying a foundation that our human minds can’t even comprehend…a foundation that is absolutely essential. Along those lines, I feel like He’s challenged me to gather a team of people who are dedicated to praying for our adoption(s) on a regular basis – this one and any others that may be in the future. I’m looking for people/couples/families who are willing to pick a day of the week and pray for us specifically on that day. If you’re interested, please email me (dianna@teenadvisors.org) or send me a message on facebook.

For now, I'm going to keep trying to make everything more about Him and less about me...and seek to enjoy the 3 children God's trusting me with - not being anxious for anything that may (or may not!) happen in the future but in all things - especially in the waiting - I'll give thanks.

17 September 2011

addendum to last post...

still thinking about His love that we cannot be separated from....(and loving having conversations with others who are thinking on some of the same things!)...I inserted some of my own words into romans 8…

“I am convinced that nothing – no success or mistake, crankiness or contentment, awakeness or sleepiness, focus or distractedness, good attitudes or bad, waiting or rushing – not the good or the bad - absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our master has embraced us.”

so thankful.

In other news…I was rejected again by the American Red Cross as a blood donor. Iron level still isn’t high enough. I’ve been taking my vitamins and everything!!! Oh well. It was higher than last time…but not up to American Red Cross standards. I didn’t even get a sticker this time (not even the illusion that I made a difference!). Maybe next time. :)


13 September 2011

NOTHING can separate us from His love.

I wish I had a “whole” blog (ie – a long, thought out philosophical essay) to offer …. but I don’t…I just have a question followed by more questions…followed be a few thoughts...

I can’t get these questions out of my head – why do so many humans try so hard to run from God’s love? Why do we try to find every excuse in the book for why He couldn’t or shouldn’t or doesn’t or won’t love us? Why do we reject the only thing that is perfect and trustworthy and amazing and wonderful and free and OURS? Why is it so hard to accept God’s love for us?

Romans 8:38-39 (msg) I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.



Romans 8:38-39 (niv) For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord
.
NOTHING can separate us from the love of God. Nothing – not even our own rejection of His love can separate us from His love (now we’re going crazy deep). Nothing. So why do so many have such a hard time believing his love and receiving his love? I just don't understand...

08 September 2011

thankful thursday

  • cooler weather.
  • unloading the TA trailer with william, eli, caroline & emma
  • i'm drinking water this morning...and enjoying it!
  • the thoughtful & encouraging words that came out of eli's mouth yesterday
  • sharing a pizza with our backdoor neighbors yesterday evening
  • getting rid of stuff...got a load for Vapor accumulating
  • cat's amazing dental hygienist skillz (quite sad that today is her last day at dr. awesome's -aka tyler myers - practice)
  • no cavities!!!! and a new toothbrush!
  • the fact that mess/clutter is temporary...
  • cooler weather. it deserves 2 entries.

05 September 2011

good gifts from God...my favorite parts of the retreat!

  • Sam Webb’s farmer belly. Hilarious. Still make me laugh thinking about it.
  • The guys riding in on their “tractor”
  • All those teenagers playing twister
  • Wireless internet…all access, all the time from the kitchen counter in the Ark.
  • That one girl’s sneeze.
  • The campfire. Wow. The campfire. The tears. The honesty. The support. The prayer.
  • “I’ve never said this before.”
  • “My group really helped me.”
  • “I don’t know if anyone else has ever experienced this.” Immediately followed by “I have.”
  • The new meeting space in the orange cabin
  • Caramel macchiato Sunday morning…and again Monday morning!!! (thanks to my dear friend and one of my most favorite people in the whole world!)
  • Those 2 guys hugging – young men supporting one another. Rare (unfortunately) and beautiful.
  • The rain (even if it’s inconvenient)
  • Riding around in the truck…almost getting stuck (for real. Twice. Mountain roads + rain = tricky)
  • Sweet conversations.
  • Chris Resch saying “thank you” (God, you’re so sweet…even when I’m selfish)
  • Breakthrough for my precious friend.
  • The comfy snuggly fuzzy blanket.
  • Sitting by one of my most favorite people in the world when I sat down along the wall.
  • Listening to allen levi’s “flowers were made for the field”
  • Knowing that students feel safe and loved and not alone.
  • Our little make shift small group during the girls’ session. What sweet compliments!
  • Square Dancing with Nick.
  • Worship…late Saturday night, Sunday morning, Sunday night, Monday morning…
  • “You are here. You are here. In your presence I’m made whole.”
  • Tears. It’s just good to cry sometimes.
  • Students signing contracts…it gets me everytime.
I’m so proud of these guys…privileged to be a part of this. Thank you, God, for another AMAZING, miraculous, awesome, fabulous retreat…what a gift. May the seeds that were planted this weekend go down deep in the soil, take root and grow strong....may the weeds that were pulled NEVER return.

02 September 2011

beautiful hearts. please pray.

before every fall retreat we ask our students to "write their hearts out" -- we give them a piece of paper with some questions and ask them to write anonymously about the things going on in their lives - and they do it, they write their hearts out.... they write about what they need most from the retreat....they circle the main issues they are currently dealing...they write about the #1 thing they are struggling with...and they write about their self-esteem. these papers are so beautiful...and devastating...and challenging...and a sincere call to prayer. these quotes are just a sampling (about 35 out of 175) from students who are going to be on the TA retreat this weekend (and just a glimpse into the heart of some teenagers...teenagers who are trying so very hard to make good choices and do the right thing)...if you have a chance and could take a little while to pray for these situations and for the others that aren't represented, we would be so very grateful (or maybe there's just one quote that you really connect with...just pray for that one student). May God have His way in these students' lives this weekend...may healing, breakthrough, wholeness, forgiveness, security, truth and love be present in great abundance.

I’m so confused about my future. Entering senior year has been such a scary experience. I’m not certain what I’m supposed to do with my life.

I have a really hard time getting along with my mom. I’m sure she means well, but the things she says to me really hurt sometimes. She’s negative about a lot of stuff and it’s hard for me to keep a positive attitude when that’s all I hear.

Right now my body is my enemy. When you look at me you see nothing wrong. But when I look at myself, I want to change everything. I can’t stop purging because I am convinced I deserve it. God has helped me come to peace many times on the issue but I fall back everytime.

No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to get away from lustful sins. I pray for help but it doesn’t feel like God is listening. I do have periods of strength, but, overall, I don’t feel like I’m making any progress. Every time I start to go forward, I get knocked back again. How do I get away from something that has such a hold on me?

I really dislike the size and shape of my body. I can’t really even describe how I’m feeling.

My parents had a rough divorce and I’ve come to terms with it, but sometimes I have violent nightmares that mess me up for the rest of the day or week. I can’t trust my dad to be stable and I never know when he’ll blow up. I rarely go to his house anymore and I refuse to travel with him. I just want to feel safe and for him to be normal so that I don’t always have to worry.

A past relationship with someone went too far. I gave in and let him have the one thing I held close to my heart. We ended up breaking up and now I feel worthless, like I gave the only thing I had to protect. I regret it with all my heart but I can’t take it back now. I just want to love myself again.

I feel that I need to please both of my parents so that one doesn’t think that I don’t love them. I feel sad sometimes and other times I feel like I’m in a bad dream and when I wake up it will all be fine.

This summer I basically cut all ties with my dad. I never see him, never talk to him. I didn’t think it would cause more hurt or loss in my life, just make it easier – looks like I was wrong.

I don’t know how to be ok with not being the best. I also feel lonely even though I have good friends. Everyone around me seems to be so beautiful and I can’t compare.

My mom died from being an alcoholic. My dad is an alcoholic, too, and I’m scared that I’m going to wake up and he’s going to be gone, too.

I’m always arguing with my parents. They don’t understand me. It’s like they don’t care.

I did some pretty horrible stuff last year and it has been a struggle for me to forgive myself.

I am VERY concerned about my future. I want to go to college but I’m not sure what for. Basically, I don’t know what I want to do with my life.

I’ve been cutting off and on for almost 2 years. It’s the one thing that’s destroying me and pulling me away from the people I care about. It’s the monster I can’t run from. I hate it.

The most difficult thing in my life right now is academic pressure and the pressure to be perfect. It causes me to be really stressed all the time and with school starting it’s gotten worse. I feel so overwhelmed at the end of every week and it’s hard to sleep most of the time.

I’ve tried to commit suicide but not many people know ‘cause it’s hard telling people. I try to fix things but I have no help.

Sometimes I feel like I don’t have the best of friends. They will trash talk people one minute and be all buddy-buddy with them the next. It’s sad that I can’t find any quality friends- not even at church. I don’t even know if quality friends exist.

I am extremely uncomfortable with myself - so others aren’t really comfortable being around me. I frequently stress over how I am viewed by others. It’s a scary place to be and I’m not really sure how to handle it.

I feel ‘fat’ I suppose. I have curves and I like them, it’s just I feel like I am taking up half a room when I walk in.

I feel depressed at times due to things I’ve done wrong or what I should’ve done in a situation. These feelings make me drop everything I’m doing and give up.

I feel awful. Like I’m worthless. Like a stupid failure. I feel like God hates me.

I hate myself when I look at pornography.

My grandmother was my hero. She got me through everything and pointed me in God’s direction. When I lost her, my life turned black. I’ve stopped attending church and I question everyone that tries to get close to me.

I talk to God all the time but never get a response no matter how long I sit in silence and wait. That is my biggest struggle because I feel that he doesn’t love me as much as he loves others around me who I know hear from him. I need reassurance in my faith.

Lately I have been wanting to starve myself. I’m afraid to tell my family or even my best friend because I don’t want them to be disappointed in me.

Words hurt. I’ve gone through highschool being called every name in the book. It’s not that I feel this way about myself but sometimes it seems easier to just let the world think of me in a way that’s not true rather than constantly defend myself.

It seems like society puts so much pressure on people nowadays to have a boyfriend or girlfriend and it’s really getting to me. I’ve never had a boyfriend and almost all my friends have. I know God will give me the right person at the right time, but it gets lonely sometimes watching happy couples on tv and at school. Seeing the notification on facebook that one of my friends is in a new relationship makes me sad…I wish I could have that, too.

I feel unliked, unrespected and not listened to by my parents. I feel like I’ve failed and things won’t get better. I just get the sense that my dad loves me but doesn’t like me or approve of me.

I’m a senior this year and it’s starting to hit me that I need to act like an adult now. I have to drive to school. I have to think about others. I have to lead my team. I have so much stress it’s overwhelming. I don’t want to get so caught up that I forget about the things that matter – God, friends, family.

I have not been active in God’s word for a month. I rarely pray. I know that I am saved, but I am not finding satisfaction in my relationship with Him.

I am very competitive and want to be THE BEST but that lead me to dislike myself when others do better.

Lust is a problem that eats away at me. I hate it, but I still indulge.

I really struggle with my relationship with my dad. He used to have anger problems and has really struggled with pornography. It is such a battle not to resent him. I have had to forgive him multiple times. It’s hard. I just want to get past this bitterness and be joyful.

My older brother moved out of the house and started going crazy…he’s a drug addict. He’s out of control and it’s making life difficult for my family. I feel like there’s nothing I can do.

I honestly hate myself and my life. I just want to start over again.