i've known for a while that this day was coming...the day i needed to blog about the fact that we're moving to africa to work aboard the Mercy Ship named Africa Mercy . that's crazy to say. crazy to type. crazy to think about. but it's happening. i feel the need to apologize because i haven't "blogged" all that has happened in the past few months in regards to this decision....honestly, i just haven't known how to. it's been such a journey of faith and trust and listening and obedience...it was hard to know how to put it all out there....another difficult part was trying to figure out where to start. i'm successfully avoiding that by simply starting now....
before i go any further (farther?), i will remind you that i LOVE questions. please feel free to ask me anything about this (or any other topic that you'd like to talk about!) anytime. i'm happy to share more and hear your thoughts and walk through this together.
instead of recapping the story (sorry) (maybe i'll do that sometime!!) i'm simply going to share how i know that we are to go...settle in, grab some hot tamales and the drink of your choice....it's alot - THANK YOU, GOD!! He has made this clear...and that's what we (and so many of you!) have been asking Him to do all along. (you may see a post similar to this again someday when i share the link to another blog that will be specifically for our Mercy Ships adventure...that blog isn't ready yet...but will be sometime soon)
So, how do we know we’re to go?
In looking through my journal for the past 6 months there are sooooo many lines that I can now clearly identify as the Lord preparing us and calling us to Mercy Ships (some are very blatantly obvious – but I even questioned those for a while!!). These are some of the snippets of scripture and conversations with God that have helped me (and are continuing to help me) to know that we are indeed called to go serve aboard the Africa Mercy. Some are not "specific" (in that they could apply to most anyone in a variety of situations....) but I'm sharing them all so that you can have as much of a picture as I do about the way the Lord has been speaking...I love the themes (themes that I didn't even fully realize were there until I was going through my journal and typing all this up)...
8.17.2011
After reading Ezekiel 47:1-12 I jotted down: God is already moving – it’s HIS mission, HIS plan – not ours. He takes the initiative and invites us to move with Him.
Read Romans 6:11 and knew it was for us: “throw yourselves wholeheartedly and full-time into God’s way of doing things.” (of course all scripture is “for us” – but God let me know that this verse, and the others mentioned here, were specifically in reference to my life – sort of “Take notice! Pay attention” calls from God in light of the things going on. make sense?)
8.18.2011
Read in a book and wrote down: The main problem with an easy life is that it masks your need for me.
Read Isaiah 55:3 (ish) “listen carefully to my life-giving, life- nourishing words”
my response: “yes, please…I’d like some life-giving, life-nourishing words!!!
God’s response back to me: I am with you, dianna. I am for you. I care about you. I do know your coming out and your coming in…enjoy the moments, dianna. Enjoy the day to day. Find joy knowing that I am with you. I’ve made a sure, solid, enduring covenant commitment of love with you….i have sent you to preach goods new to the poor…proclaim freedom for the prisoners & recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor…I have anointed you to do these things.”
8.21.2011
During worship at CCC jotted down: You can move the mountains on whatever path we’re on (or give us the strength and grace to climb them)
8.25.2011
Felt like He said “I am training you to be aware of me at all times.”
8.31.2011
Words from God for me: “Keep resting. Keep trusting. I’ll let you know what’s next. I’ve got this.”
9.21.2011
More words from Him: “Come to me, look at Me, see what I’m doing.”
9.22.2011
A prayer: My heart is yours completely….I am fully yours. Have your way in me and in my family – we are Yours.
10.16.2011
Words to a song during worship at CCC that I couldn’t sing because I was weeping: “My life is not my own. To You I belong. I give myself – I give myself to You.”
10.17.2011
I was telling God that I was a bit overwhelmed by the possibilities….
His response: “rest in me, dianna. Rest in knowing that I am with you…and I am in your future. I’m going to take care of it….there is much to do – but there’s time and energy and resources to do it. do what I’ve put in front of you.”
10.17.2011 (later that day…after I printed off the Mercy Ships application)
Talking to God and shared: I’m definitely having a major wave of doubt in regard to this Mercy Ships idea…God, this has got to be of You in order for it to happen. We can’t do this without you…not only that, we don’t want to do this without you. We only want to do this if this is what you have for us to do. Please calm my mind, my heart, my stomach, my soul. There’s nothing I want more than to be RIGHT where you want us. I don’t want to be afraid…
10.18.2011
Read Exodus 33 (the message) “if your presence doesn’t take the lead here, call this trip off right now.”
10.19.2011
Read Exodus 33:14 “My presence will go with you. I’ll see the journey to the end.”
More from Him: “I’ve got you. I’ve got this next season. I’ve got your days and your moments – your months and your years. …I’ve got blessings in store. Keep seeking Me. Abide. Dwell. I’ll satisfy…I’ll provide…I’ll sustain…”
10.28.2011
During a time of prayer when I wasn’t even thinking about Mercy Ships I felt like I heard Him say “You are to do Mercy Ships and you are to trust me in the process.”
I asked: WHEN!?!
No response.
10.30.2011
After singing “on Christ the Solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.” I wrote: Only on you – on Christ the solid rock – I stand – ALL other ground is sinking sand…TAs is sinking sand…friendships are sinking sand…Mercy Ships is sinking sand…everything other than YOU is sinking sand – nothing else is meant to be stood on. I’ll only stand on You.
11.2.2011
Journal thoughts after reading Isaiah 30:22: I don’t know how “expensive and fashionable” our “stuff” is – but I want to be willing to throw it all away (Give? Sell? Get rid of…release…no longer have!) saying “good riddance.”
11.8.2011
Wrote down: You are the answer. Whatever the question – whatever the situation – whatever we need – You are the answer.
These words were so meaningful as we sang them: God, I look to You. I won’t be overwhelmed. Give me vision to see things like You do. I look to You – You’re where my help comes from…you let me know just what to do.”
11.15.2011
Heard in a sermon: He finishes what he starts. I wrote: We started the adoption process. We started the Mercy Ships process. How do those things come to a place of being “finished”? And how do they work together?(Through the next few days and weeks I feel like God brought me to a deeper understanding that His “finished” might not look anything like what our “finished” may look like.)
11.30.2011
Journal/prayer thoughts: I’m just so unsure about Mercy Ships. I’m willing – I think…it just doesn’t seem practical or possible. His response (very lovingly and full of kindness): “those are 2 words that aren’t in my vocabulary.”
12.1.2011
Journal thought: seems like I keep hearing “go”…why do my heart and mind and feelings seem to be in such disagreement? His response: “Focus on Me – not on decisions or the future or concerns. Focus on Me.”
12.3.2011
As I was thinking and praying about Mercy Ships and sharing with God that I wasn’t sure we could do this…and not sure if I even wanted to, I felt like I heard Him say (again, very lovingly and full of kindness): “I’m not going to make you go…but I really want you to!” (I got the impression that He was saying that as a Father who is just waiting to give His children some really good gifts!)
12.8.2011
After reading Proverbs 3, I wrote: “God, I trust you from the bottom of my heart…I won’t try to figure things out on my own. I’m listening for your voice in everything I do – everywhere I go. You’re the one who will keep me on track.”
12.13.2011
Hebrews 13:18 “pray for us. We have no doubts about what we’re doing or why, but it’s hard going and we need your prayers. All we care about is living well before God. Pray that we may be together soon.” (I know when Paul said “hard going” he was talking about it being tough work – but for me it’s “hard to go!”)
12.21.2011
At crave I wrote: God, I don’t want to waste this time. Is there anything you’d like to say to me?
His response: “I want you to do Mercy Ships.”
My response: “alright.”
His response: “it’s going to be another one of those hard but good things…keep trusting me. Keep spending time with me. I’ll make it all known at just the right time. Rest in me. Rest in knowing that I am with you and for you…never leaving you even for a moment.”
1.1.2012
I wrote: I trust you God…whatever the plans…wherever you lead…
1.4.2012
Psalm 62:7-8 “I trust you, Jesus. My help and glory are in You. You are granite strength and safe harbor. I trust you absolutely. I’ll lay my life on the line for you. You are a safe place to be.”
After reading that I wrote: I’ll lay my life down – our house, our stuff, our routines, our friendships, everything we know – I’ll lay it down and trust You.
1.7.2012
I was sitting outside looking at the clouds that were quickly moving across the sky, making fun shapes as they went by. I asked God to speak to me through the clouds….He didn’t. ;)
1.8.2012
After singing the words “I want to see you” I asked God to give me a glimpse of Him….the vision He gave me was of Him holding a big white ship….
This year’s theme of “Follow Me” was introduced at Christ Community Church…the words of the song written to go with the theme matched up EXACTLY to phrases I had just written (i wrote: "i'm a bit terrified" - the song said "you don't have to be afraid." i wrote: "i trust you" - the song said: "put all your trust in me." the writing/singing were going on simultaneously....)
In praying through the theme of "Follow Me" I felt like He said “Follow me to Mercy Ships. I’m already there waiting for you….and I’ll go with you every step of the way. I’ll also stay here and take care of everything and everybody.”
1.10.2012
I asked God why He wouldn’t want us to go….I didn’t get a response.
Add to all of these things the heart for missions that the Lord has been cultivating in us for decades… add to that books we’ve been reading (especially Crazy Love, Radical & Kisses from Katie)….don’t forget to include the sermons & podcasts we’ve been listening to (and the Catalyst Conference!)….be sure to add the countless lines from Jesus Calling that God has used…and then include the dozens of songs that are continuously playing in my head and heart and home…. and you end up with a recipe that results in an undeniable call for us to GO serve with Mercy Ships. Thank you, God, for making this clear.
Surely there will be more to come.
