sometimes i send an email to a friend and i realize that i'm really sending it to myself -- i mean, i'll read something that i've written and think "that is just as much for me as it is for her" ...and sometimes i'll read what i've written and am overwhelmed with the thought that those words are not from me - they are too well written and too "good" to be from me...they are most certainly from Him.
that happened this past week... a friend sent an email with lots of adoption questions....questions that i probably haven't been courageous enough to ask - but that need to be asked...and i feel like God lead me to type a response - cause He knew i needed to have HIS response on this...He knows i am weak and prone to wander and i needed visible proof that something deeper is going on - more than meets the eye! He knew that i needed to hear His Truth in this...
here are parts of the email i received: "...we feel the Lord leading us to a domestic adoption. WE DO NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO DO THIS, BUT I THINK HE IS CALLING. I want this and I am so open to what ever the Lord has for us . . .But I am still afraid. These are the questions in my head: What if it is a baby addicted to drugs? What if the baby is really hurt by its mother? What if there is damage to their brain? What if it is really really tough? What if it drains us from almost all we have emotionally? What if it takes years to understand the damage the mother may have brought on this child?God is enough, but we are we? What if the hurt from where the child comes from is too much for my heart? What if taking in this child hurts because of the sadness of where they comefrom? If it is a different race: What do we do when our family FREAKS out? What do I do in the grocery store when someone gives us an angry look for crossing "southern lines of prejudice"? What do I do when it is time for this child to date? What do I do when I need to give him or her their identity and I know nothing about being perhaps black?"
i can't tell you how thankful i was for my friend's willingness to share her heart and thoughts and questions with me...God certainly used her to root His Truth deeper into our adoption process)
Here is the response i feel like God is giving us (and parts of my response to my friend): Jeremiah 17:7-8 But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.
I know that I know that I know that since God is calling us (the cash family and any other family that feels called to adopt!) to adopt these little ones HE WILL MAKE A WAY FOR IT - in every way we can think of...emotionally, physically, spiritually, culturally....He'll give us answers to the questions...and grace for the situations. We trust Him and our confidence is in Him - therefore we are like a tree planted by the water, sending out our roots into the stream that is HIM - receiving life and nourishment and growth -- receiving what we need, just when we need it (He helps us in our time of need. He supplies all of our needs....).
We will not fear - not the past of the baby, not the history of the baby, not the choices of the mom, not the reaction of our family, not the possibilities, not the future, not how hard it may be - we will not fear! (sooooo much easier said than done!!).
We will trust that "our leaves will always be green"!! Even when things are tough (a "year of drought"), God will be bearing fruit in us (that's amazing to me....even in the hardest of moments and toughest of times, God is at work and bearing His fruit in us and through us).
My friend is right - we do not have what it takes. AND WHAT A GOOD THING!!! how sweet it is to rely on the Lord...to let Him be strong where we are weak....to let Him be in control rather than try to do it ourselves! He's a much better driver than i am...I'll surrender the driver's seat to him again and again!
Please know that I'm not as full of faith as I want to be - when it comes down to it, I'm uncertain and afraid and just not sure how it'll turn out. so for anyone with questions or fears or doubts, i'm with you....and He's with us! and THAT IS ENOUGH (whether we "feel" it or not). God, please be honored in this adoption process...and bring our child(ren) to us in your perfect timing.
