thank you, God, for Your Truth

sometimes i send an email to a friend and i realize that i'm really sending it to myself -- i mean, i'll read something that i've written and think "that is just as much for me as it is for her" ...and sometimes i'll read what i've written and am overwhelmed with the thought that those words are not from me - they are too well written and too "good" to be from me...they are most certainly from Him.

that happened this past week... a friend sent an email with lots of adoption questions....questions that i probably haven't been courageous enough to ask - but that need to be asked...and i feel like God lead me to type a response - cause He knew i needed to have HIS response on this...He knows i am weak and prone to wander and i needed visible proof that something deeper is going on - more than meets the eye! He knew that i needed to hear His Truth in this...

here are parts of the email i received: "...we feel the Lord leading us to a domestic adoption. WE DO NOT HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO DO THIS, BUT I THINK HE IS CALLING. I want this and I am so open to what ever the Lord has for us . . .But I am still afraid. These are the questions in my head: What if it is a baby addicted to drugs? What if the baby is really hurt by its mother? What if there is damage to their brain? What if it is really really tough? What if it drains us from almost all we have emotionally? What if it takes years to understand the damage the mother may have brought on this child?God is enough, but we are we? What if the hurt from where the child comes from is too much for my heart? What if taking in this child hurts because of the sadness of where they comefrom? If it is a different race: What do we do when our family FREAKS out? What do I do in the grocery store when someone gives us an angry look for crossing "southern lines of prejudice"? What do I do when it is time for this child to date? What do I do when I need to give him or her their identity and I know nothing about being perhaps black?"

i can't tell you how thankful i was for my friend's willingness to share her heart and thoughts and questions with me...God certainly used her to root His Truth deeper into our adoption process)

Here is the response i feel like God is giving us (and parts of my response to my friend): Jeremiah 17:7-8 But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream.It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.

I know that I know that I know that since God is calling us (the cash family and any other family that feels called to adopt!) to adopt these little ones HE WILL MAKE A WAY FOR IT - in every way we can think of...emotionally, physically, spiritually, culturally....He'll give us answers to the questions...and grace for the situations. We trust Him and our confidence is in Him - therefore we are like a tree planted by the water, sending out our roots into the stream that is HIM - receiving life and nourishment and growth -- receiving what we need, just when we need it (He helps us in our time of need. He supplies all of our needs....).

We will not fear - not the past of the baby, not the history of the baby, not the choices of the mom, not the reaction of our family, not the possibilities, not the future, not how hard it may be - we will not fear! (sooooo much easier said than done!!).

We will trust that "our leaves will always be green"!! Even when things are tough (a "year of drought"), God will be bearing fruit in us (that's amazing to me....even in the hardest of moments and toughest of times, God is at work and bearing His fruit in us and through us).

My friend is right - we do not have what it takes. AND WHAT A GOOD THING!!! how sweet it is to rely on the Lord...to let Him be strong where we are weak....to let Him be in control rather than try to do it ourselves! He's a much better driver than i am...I'll surrender the driver's seat to him again and again!

Please know that I'm not as full of faith as I want to be - when it comes down to it, I'm uncertain and afraid and just not sure how it'll turn out. so for anyone with questions or fears or doubts, i'm with you....and He's with us! and THAT IS ENOUGH (whether we "feel" it or not). God, please be honored in this adoption process...and bring our child(ren) to us in your perfect timing.

grace.

just one of those times when i'm feeling less than adequate. weary. can't quite get my focus on Things Above no matter how hard i try. wanting to let His grace be sufficient...and i know that it is...but i can't feel it. 2 big "thoughts" in my head tonite....

• dwight edwards is right: "comparison is the thief of joy." no comparisons, dianna! it does no good. and the apostle paul is right: they who compare themselves...are not wise.


• i don't understand why some days i snap and some days i bend. some days i can have all the patience in the world....other days, i have none. WHY IS THAT??

i had high hopes of getting the house straightened, putting clean sheets on the bed, taking a shower and crawling into bed with one of the many books waiting for me - all by 10:00 (one of my most favorite things in the world is to have a clean body in clean pajamas in clean sheets in a clean house! it's the "hat trick" of my world - except it's 4 things instead of 3 hockey goals...).

but here it is, close to 10:00 and i've only done 1/2 of one of the four (and maybe a 1/4 of one) -- the house is semi-straightened....and the clean sheets are in the dryer ready to be put on the bed. oh well. maybe my new goal will be 10:30. 10:30 doesn't sound quite as sweet as 10:00....but sweeter than 11:00.

2 thursdays in a row. unbelievable.

• phone call from bethany


• cafe 2:42 with a friend (yup. again. thankful everytime)


• sex talks (i'm so hesitant to put that because it should come with an explanation....but i'm just going to leave it out there...with this bit of a parenthetical disclaimer that they were holy, sacred, God-honoring sex talks with godly christian sisters)


• moving copy machines


• bea-u-tiful spring days


• super moon!


• clean water


• not fitting in sometimes (cause being/doing what it would take to fit in is NOT who i am - and i am so fine with that)(thank you, God.)


• a job done with excellence


• amanda's willingness to come to work early so i could skip out on it and be somewhere else

adoption news (ish)

we were offered a baby today!!! the lady we've been working with at Bethany called and said that there was a 4 month old girl at the hospital that will be discharged tomorrow and they would like to discharge her to foster-to-adopt parents (there's some legal risk -- but pretty certain that parental rights will be terminated). everything about the baby is healthy and fine - except that she weighs 8 pounds (failure to thrive). nick and i prayerfully considered her....and then said no - which was EXTREMELY difficult. difficult because this little girl's life is precious and valuable and she needs love and affection and care....and difficult as this is the first time we've had any sort of "offer" (and it took more than 3 months to hear this little bit...and i selfishly don't want to wait a long time for the next call). we are very much certain that a little boy is what God has for us. and we are trusting that He has that little girl for someone else.

God please bless that little baby girl....sing over her in her little hospital bed...may she commune with You even now and know that she is loved and cared for. and may she know that she has a Protector and Provider in You. please bring her into just the right family....the family that has been longing just for HER.

i can't tell you how excited i am that we heard something. i'm a bit disappointed that this isn't "the one" (or "the one sibling group")....but at the same time i'm excited to be obedient and continue to trust that God's going to bring our little boy(s?)(and sister?) to us at just the right time. it was hard to say "no" not knowing if/when another offer will come (sounds like we're selling a house!) - but i KNOW God's called us to this. therefore, He WILL bring us another offer.

this should be a tweet or status update...but i don't tweet...and rarely do i status update

cool ranch doritos and dr. thunder = the breakfast of champions.

best blog entry ever.

tagged "shortcomings" because my eating habits come very short of being something worth sharing....i am not a role model for eating healthy (but at least i can hang my hat on yogurt parfaits...i've been making my own since i ran out of CFA coupons)(but mine aren't quite as good as truett cathy's).

amy q's - discipline/training

I wrote this in a word document and then copied/pasted it as a blog entry….I’m not a fan of all the capital letters that Microsoft Word so kindly changes for me – but I’m not up for changing them to lowercase either.

Someone who I love and respect and admire so very much sent me this question -- how did you discipline/train your children when they were too little to understand what you were saying? Through the toddler years and all when they can't understand what the word "obedience" means, how did you teach them to obey you?

Challenging question…cause I don’t always feel like I’m getting the obedience from my children that I’d like!! I often feel like a broken record, saying things like “obey first, ask questions next” and “I need to see immediate obedience…” and “what I am expecting to hear is ‘yes ma’m” – not ‘yes ma’m…but…’ just ‘yes ma’m.’” So if anyone else has thoughts that they’d like to add to this, feel free to email me and then I can post your thoughts – I’ll site the source and everything!! (I guess this is the time when allowing comments would be helpful….but I don’t wanna….)

My very first thought when I read the question is that training ME is just as important as training my children (maybe even more so?!). I think it’s important to start training/disciplining your children early – even before they understand - so that you “know” what you’re doing by the time they do understand (but do we ever truly “know” what we’re doing?!?). Consistency is valuable. It’s confusing for something to be allowed and then all of a sudden it’s off limits. If I don’t want my children ripping books up as 2 year olds, it’s my goal and desire to go ahead and help them learn that as a 10 month old (that’s just a random age….not the official “age of obedience training” or anything like that). My other immediate thought is that it seems like children understand a lot more than we may think they do. Emma is barely one and she very much knows when she has done something she shouldn’t – she gets this pitiful little look on her face and sort of tilts her head/eyes downward. Child development experts could probably contribute lots here about when children are cognitively aware of doing/not doing what is being asked of them…

So – to actually answer the question – HOW did (d0) I discipline/train my children when they were (are) little? Basically I just did my best not to let them get away with things as little ones that I wouldn’t let them get away with as an older child – for example: dropping food on the floor (of course, on accident is not what I’m talking about here….the intentional “I’m looking at you and I know you don’t want me to drop this but I’m going to drop it anyway and see what you do” is the kind I’m talking about.). if emma intentionally drops something on the floor, I look her in the eyes and take her by the hand and say semi-sternly (not tooooo harshly the first time!) “no, emma. We don’t drop food on the floor.” If she does it again, I say the same thing over again and I thump her little hand – not too hard, just enough to get her attention. (I know I know….some people disagree with that! And that’s ok! I’m just sharing what iiiiii do…I feel comfortable with the thump after the initial verbal instruction…others don’t…so then they need to find what works for them). if she does it again, i repeat the thump and the same phrase– but the thump doesn’t get stronger (and i TRY not to let my tone get stronger)….If she continues I remove the food (cause if she’s throwing it on the floor apparently she’s not hungry enough to eat it!).

Another example – we have stairs and I’ve never allowed my babies to climb up the stairs on their own. So if emma starts up the stairs I look at her and say “no, emma. You cannot climb up the stairs on your own. Mama needs to be behind you.” if she moves away from the stairs, great! End of discussion. If she doesn’t, I go and move her away from the stairs and give her another option (usually a toy to play with). If she heads back to the stairs, I immediately give her a thump and repeat the “no, emma. You cannot climb up the stairs on your own….” And I move her away again. We repeat this until she stops attempting to climb the stairs. All of my kids quickly learned not to go up the stairs on their own…so having stairs in our house without a baby gate has never been an issue for us (we do have a baby gate at the top of the stairs…but that’s more for my convenience – I can lock all 3 kids in :) and let them play upstairs without fear of emma tumbling down the stairs…though even if the gate happens to be open, she’ll just wait at the top of the stairs for someone to get her… I guess you could do the same training for coming down the stairs – but children tumbling down the stairs seems a bit more likely than tumbling up the stairs….)(random side note, when my children do start coming down the stairs on their own, they are taught to crawl down backwards....)

I think another thing I do is just talk a lot to my children about obedience – even when I have no clue if they are understanding a word I’m saying. That’s back to the “training me” part – it’s important to me that my children know WHY I am expecting them to obey – sometimes going ahead and putting words to it helps me realize that what I’m expecting is ridiculous OR that it’s right on.

I don’t know that I can say that I discipline my littlest one very much (yet) – I feel like I do more training than disciplining (I heard a quote that “the more you train now the less you’ll have to discipline later). So…I thump on occasion….i remove her from situations (I guess that could be considered a loss of a privilege)…I tell her that ______ (fill in the blank – pitching a fit, screaming, throwing a toy, taking something from someone, etc.) is not ok. Sometimes those things are discipline – sometimes those acts are training. Not sure I’m doing a good job of explaining the difference.

Who knew I had so many thoughts on this - and I sort of feel like I’m just scratching the surface (and I feel like the thoughts I’ve put out here are pretty random and scrambled….feel free to ask for clarification!). So glad the question was put out there. Obedience is definitely something that is worked on daily at the Cash House....we'll keep at it....we'll keep striving to be obedient to The One who most deserves our obedience - the Only One who disciplines and trains perfectly. And I'll trust Him as I seek to be the mom He wants me to be...

thankful thursday - and it really is thursday!!!!

...for 33 more minutes it's thursday....and i am so very thankful.

• one precious anna and one precious mary who just helped me finish the bulkmail for TAs.


• that man who was riding up 17th street on his bike yesterday morning with the dog in the trailer behind him


• that kaci saw the same man within moments of me seeing him


• green apple mentos


• coffee and cinnamon streusel muffins at 2 in the afternoon


• God's great faithfulness....an unexpected huge tax return for friends


• birthday boxes from aunt amy


• deuteronomy 7....it especially meant alot reading from the message


• rearranging caroline's room with the help of 5 girls (a one year old, a 3 year old, a 4 year old, a 5 year old and a 6 year old)(where's my 2 year old?!)


• "God, i want to see your face."


• ice skating in the living room...but watch out - it's slippery (still).


• jesus culture music


• that messes get cleaned up


• crushed ice


• cheating the system (in an honorable way)


• the right words at the right time - beautiful!


• new quotes for my quote door


• pre crave crave


• faithful, reliable volunteers who serve in the nursery at christ community (i'm thankful for the not so reliable ones, too....but the reliable ones make my life a little easier)


• amy q's from various people waiting to be answered (i just need to answer them!)


• getting to go climb into bed with my very best friend.

good night.

lessons from the kitchen sink

everytime i'm at the kitchen sink lately, i've had 3 big thoughts that come to my mind and get stuck there. maybe if i blog about them God will start sharing something new with me (or maybe He knows i need to keep thinking on the same 3). the funny thing is that i really should be at the kitchen sink right now rather than sitting at our dining room table typing a blog entry as the kitchen is quite messy with dirty dishes and such. oh well - they've waited this long, they can wait a few more minutes.

God's been reminding me of 3 big things during my time at the kitchen sink....

1 - there are lots of lessons about sin/dealing with sin in cereal bowls. i remember lee mcbride talking about how you need to deal with sin the way you should deal with a cereal bowl - clean it out as soon as you can. you know how it is if you leave cereal in a bowl in the sink...it gets all hard and stuck...and yuck. but if you would just immediately wash out the bowl time you're done, everything is much better! so my lesson? deal with sin/issues/struggles/mistakes as soon as you can...putting it off just makes it harder to deal with when you get to it.

2 - take life one thing at a time. sometimes i get overwhelmed by mess...especially a sink full of dishes. but if i can just remember to take it one thing at a time - clean this pot...put that plate in the dishwasher...scrub that bowl...eventually i get to the bottom of the sink and job is done.

3 - the other main lesson i'm learning from the sink is the discipline of practicing unselfishness. it's just about frustrating to get all the dishes done, walk away from the sink and then come back to find that someone has put another dirty dish in the clean sink! it's a small way that i can practice dying to self...attempting to joyfully take care of that dish rather than pitch a mini-fit.

so there ya go...now i'm off to spend some time with God at my sink.

wish list: insta-blog

i do wish i had the ability to "insta-blog" -- that the things in my head & heart that i want to write about/share/put in this bloggity blog of mine would transfer directly from my head to the new post screen....and all i would have to click on would be "publish post" and there it would be for all to see.


but i don't have that ability (and i'm not sure i really want it....though it would be nice in moments like this)....and, even though there are lots of things in my head and heart that i would LOVE to share, what i really want to do is go take a quick snooze. so that's what i'm going to attempt to do while 2 parents (mine) and one child (emma) are sleeping and 3 other children (eli, eli and caroline) are "resting" on the futon.

i'm amazed by God's goodness and faithfulness. He's so good!!!! so faithful!!!!