just been thinking about how to handle the moments when i feel like i'm at the worst as a mom...when i'm at the end of my patience...at the end of the little bit of grace i feel like i have to give....when it feels like nothing i'm doing is working as far as training my kids...just tired...cranky...bothered.
the songs that played on the ipod during my figure 8 around lakebottom last night were from Him, i'm sure of it. "i run... i crawl....it doesn't matter how i get there....only that i would be here at all." "when everything falls apart You hold me together" "morning by morning new mercies i see...all i have needed you have provided."
notes from sunday morning -- strength will rise when we wait upon the Lord. He does not grow weak or weary....He tells us to come to Him when we do grow tired and weary. "Come to me....I will give you rest." He gently leads those that have young. His grace is sufficient. He KNOWS what He's getting us into by giving us children. He is the answer. running to Him in those moments IS the answer...nothing else matters.
come, Lord Jesus, come. i invite you into every part of my life. i invite you into the moments when i'm doing alright (the reality is you're already there...that's the only reason i'm doing alright!)...and i invite you into the moments where i am most unlike you (may i KNOW your presence more and more in those moments!!). i invite you into my frustration....consume it. i invite you into my tiredness...refresh me. i invite you into my decisions...may they honor you. i invite you into my mind...may every thought be obedient to you. may i know your nearness...
26 October 2010
22 October 2010
the game & not having an std
i've made up a game. it needs a new name. the current name does not honor God - and is completely irrelevant to the game itself.
how to play: you must have a leap frog fridge set of letters (or really any set of alphabet letters) - one of each letter (ONLY one of each letter!). you try to make words using as many of the letters as possible.
scoring: when you're done, you count of the points of the letters that are left
vowels = 5 points (you really shouldn't have any of those left!)
W Q X Z V = 4 points
F J G B K = 3 points
L P H Y D = 2 points
C N M R S T = 1 point
hints: use "y" as a vowel; only use one vowel in a word if possible; nymph is an amazing word for this game
the best i've ever done was 17 points. my words were "why, quack, next, drops, limb" that left F(3) G(3) J(3) Z(4) V(4). i know i can do better...
the "ever so wonderful - super smart - i'm awesome at the english language - miss english major - genius in hiding - i love her so much - amazing" mary smith has gotten it down to 8 points. if you can beat that, let us know. we want to know how.
in other news: i don’t have syphyilis. i have the piece of paper to prove it. (not that i thought i did....but i had to get an "rpr" test as part of the adoption paperwork. so i go to the health department and request an "rpr"....as the lady is taken my blood i ask "so what is an rpr test actually testing?" she says "syphilis." i said "oh....well, i don't have it...and if i do, i want to know where it came from. guess it's good to get tested." glad to know that i don't have syphyilis.)
how to play: you must have a leap frog fridge set of letters (or really any set of alphabet letters) - one of each letter (ONLY one of each letter!). you try to make words using as many of the letters as possible.
scoring: when you're done, you count of the points of the letters that are left
vowels = 5 points (you really shouldn't have any of those left!)
W Q X Z V = 4 points
F J G B K = 3 points
L P H Y D = 2 points
C N M R S T = 1 point
hints: use "y" as a vowel; only use one vowel in a word if possible; nymph is an amazing word for this game
the best i've ever done was 17 points. my words were "why, quack, next, drops, limb" that left F(3) G(3) J(3) Z(4) V(4). i know i can do better...
the "ever so wonderful - super smart - i'm awesome at the english language - miss english major - genius in hiding - i love her so much - amazing" mary smith has gotten it down to 8 points. if you can beat that, let us know. we want to know how.
in other news: i don’t have syphyilis. i have the piece of paper to prove it. (not that i thought i did....but i had to get an "rpr" test as part of the adoption paperwork. so i go to the health department and request an "rpr"....as the lady is taken my blood i ask "so what is an rpr test actually testing?" she says "syphilis." i said "oh....well, i don't have it...and if i do, i want to know where it came from. guess it's good to get tested." glad to know that i don't have syphyilis.)
the best list of questions i've come across in a long time
the point: to recognize all there is to recognize about your thoughts and heart and being - to become aware of all sorts of things that are right below the surface that you weren't aware of (or you weren't brave enough to fully acknowledge). to learn that all sorts of things are brewing on the inside that we might miss if we're not careful.
credit: rob bell
what is frustrating me right now?
what am i angry about?
what am i scared of?
what am i dreading?
what am i anxious about?
what concerns me?
what is stressing me right now, the smallest thing that i don't want to write down because it seems dumb but it actually is stressing me?
what am i looking forward to?
credit: rob bell
what is frustrating me right now?
what am i angry about?
what am i scared of?
what am i dreading?
what am i anxious about?
what concerns me?
what is stressing me right now, the smallest thing that i don't want to write down because it seems dumb but it actually is stressing me?
what am i looking forward to?
15 October 2010
another piece of the adoption puzzle
today is one of those days when it's easy to know that God is in control and that He is good and that He loves me.
i've been thinking alot about the "pace" of our adoption process and how thankful i am for it!! it hasn't felt all slow and drawn out and tedious....nor has it felt too fast or frenzied or crazy-can't-keep-up-with-this. it's been a nice leisurely pace...like a delightful walk on a trail through the woods. it seems like we've been able to take it all step by step...adding a piece and then another piece and then another to the puzzle. on weeks that are full and there really isn't much time to do anything "extra" there's been nothing that needs to be done....then when things need to be done (bloodwork drawn, letters obtained, copies made), the gaps of time have appeared and worked out rather perfectly. i appreciate God's faithfulness in the pace of this for us.
we had another set of interviews this morning --a few more questions for me and nick....some questions for mary...some questions for eli and caroline (the conclusion of those questions: they are excited about having a new brother and are ok with him calling me and nick "mama and daddy" -- "but not mommy...only mama...cause that's what we call her"....and eli is excited to get bunkbeds.). we also had our "home tour"....it was alot "less" than i thought it would be. i wasn't sure if they were going to need to open closets and drawers and the fridge. it was more like "this is the dining room.....ok....this is the kitchen....ok....here's eli's room....here's the bathroom....). alot less evasive than i anticipated! (i must say i am EXTREMELY thankful for the neat condition our house is in at the moment as a result of knowing someone was going to be "touring" it)(i wish my heart could be as at peace with mess as i am with order....)
so from here our "case" will be sent to the state office to be approved (or disapproved!). from what i understand they have 4 weeks to approve (or disapprove!) us. after that, i think we'll start "looking" at children who are available - our caseworker will let us know if she knows of any children that seem like they'd be a good fit for us. and we'll go from there i suppose...
it's still an incredible process....i'm still not sure how it's going to turn out....it still feels like the biggest step of faith i've ever gotten to take. it's exciting!
i love knowing that prayers are being lifted up on our behalf and on behalf of this little one (possibly little ones?!). thank you, God, for the ones who are walking with us as we walk with You on this adventure of adoption. we trust You...we want what You want for this child and for our family....it's all for You...
i've been thinking alot about the "pace" of our adoption process and how thankful i am for it!! it hasn't felt all slow and drawn out and tedious....nor has it felt too fast or frenzied or crazy-can't-keep-up-with-this. it's been a nice leisurely pace...like a delightful walk on a trail through the woods. it seems like we've been able to take it all step by step...adding a piece and then another piece and then another to the puzzle. on weeks that are full and there really isn't much time to do anything "extra" there's been nothing that needs to be done....then when things need to be done (bloodwork drawn, letters obtained, copies made), the gaps of time have appeared and worked out rather perfectly. i appreciate God's faithfulness in the pace of this for us.
we had another set of interviews this morning --a few more questions for me and nick....some questions for mary...some questions for eli and caroline (the conclusion of those questions: they are excited about having a new brother and are ok with him calling me and nick "mama and daddy" -- "but not mommy...only mama...cause that's what we call her"....and eli is excited to get bunkbeds.). we also had our "home tour"....it was alot "less" than i thought it would be. i wasn't sure if they were going to need to open closets and drawers and the fridge. it was more like "this is the dining room.....ok....this is the kitchen....ok....here's eli's room....here's the bathroom....). alot less evasive than i anticipated! (i must say i am EXTREMELY thankful for the neat condition our house is in at the moment as a result of knowing someone was going to be "touring" it)(i wish my heart could be as at peace with mess as i am with order....)
so from here our "case" will be sent to the state office to be approved (or disapproved!). from what i understand they have 4 weeks to approve (or disapprove!) us. after that, i think we'll start "looking" at children who are available - our caseworker will let us know if she knows of any children that seem like they'd be a good fit for us. and we'll go from there i suppose...
it's still an incredible process....i'm still not sure how it's going to turn out....it still feels like the biggest step of faith i've ever gotten to take. it's exciting!
i love knowing that prayers are being lifted up on our behalf and on behalf of this little one (possibly little ones?!). thank you, God, for the ones who are walking with us as we walk with You on this adventure of adoption. we trust You...we want what You want for this child and for our family....it's all for You...
05 October 2010
tuesday morning thoughts
but by the grace of God, there go i.
one might get discouraged if you think about things too much.
october, how i love thee!
my teeth were chattering earlier and i LOVE it!!
He loves us. Oh how He loves us!!!
caroline: "i want to die"
me: (silence...raised eyebrows in questioning surprise...)
caroline: "i just really want to know what heaven is like."
one might get discouraged if you think about things too much.
october, how i love thee!
my teeth were chattering earlier and i LOVE it!!
He loves us. Oh how He loves us!!!
caroline: "i want to die"
me: (silence...raised eyebrows in questioning surprise...)
caroline: "i just really want to know what heaven is like."
01 October 2010
still thirsty. still drinking.
Psalm 63
God- you’re my God! I can’t get enough of you! Here I am…drinking in your strength and glory. In your generous love I’m really living at last! I hold on to you for dear life…
Psalm 42
I want to drink God, deep draughts of God. I’m thirsty for God-alive.
God- you’re my God! I can’t get enough of you! Here I am…drinking in your strength and glory. In your generous love I’m really living at last! I hold on to you for dear life…
Psalm 42
I want to drink God, deep draughts of God. I’m thirsty for God-alive.
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