Sometimes it feels like life's problems and issues and hurts are tumbling out of the closet much like all of Brother & Sister Bear's toys did in one of my all time favorite books, "The Berenstain Bears and The Messy Room"
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I feel an avalanche of questions and hurt and sadness and confusion that covers me over until I feel I can hardly breathe and the tears just keep coming.
- God, they just want to be pregnant...it's been more than a year of trying.
- My incredible friends are having to walk through so many unknowns with their sweet baby girl...
- I don't understand your timing.
- It feels like you are withholding good from people who love You very much.
- Cancer? Really?
- A miscarriage? Please, no.
- Why so much hurt and violence and selfishness?
- I'm here and (insert family member) is there dealing with (insert a myriad of heart wrenching circumstances)
- I didn't think it would be this way...
- Why is it so hard?
And on and on and on...
And God reminds me of the picture He has given me. The one of the organized closet at the end of the book.
I like things to have their place, and I certainly like labels. So there in the closet of my mind and heart I have boxes of various sizes labeled with various questions and puzzles...
All of the above and then some...
- Refugees
- Human trafficking
- Why are some people killing and abusing children when others are longing to have children in their home?
- Why can't we just be nice to one another?
- Poverty
- Lack of access to education
- Racial tension and awful treatment of our brothers and sisters.
- Patients that we cannot help
- People who plan evil
And on and on and on...
Some boxes are bigger than others.
Some get pulled out more often than others.
Some make me angry. Others sad. With some boxes I am not even sure how I feel.
And after a nice session of wrestling or rearranging or researching, He'll prompt me to put the top back on and put the box back - not to be forgotten or ignored...just to be entrusted safely back where it all belongs - with Him.
Because Colossians 1:17 is true. He is before all things and in Him all things hold together.
Ultimately I trust Him. I trust that He is good. I trust that He is faithful. I trust that He is present. I trust that He cares far more for the people I care for than I do. I trust in His never failing, never ending, always available, perfectly enough LOVE.
And this song...this. song. Lauren Daigle's "I Will Trust In You" it's my anthem right now for all of the questions that don't have answers (yet) and all the problems I want to solve.
A few of my favorite lyrics:
- When You don't give the answers as I cry out to You, I will trust...I will trust in You.
- So, in all things be my life and breath. I want what You want Lord and nothing less.
- Your plans are always higher. Your plans are always good.
I'm thankful that He lets me ask the questions and wrestle...thankful that He never leaves me - not even for a second - and He's not threatened or put off in any way by my lack of understanding. I'm thankful for His patience.
...Oh, for grace to trust Him more.
