not even sure where to start...not even sure if it's worth trying to sort it out in my head and make it come out of my fingers...but i suppose i'll try.
wanted to share my favorite part of our holiday....and i wanted to try and share how my heart has been the past few weeks. here goes.
My favorite part of our holiday (as far as places go):
The Dell of Abernethy. magical. lovely. special. memorable. unique. beautiful. charming.
Driving up and being welcomed....having brownies and fresh flowers waiting for us on the table. Knowing that we could go knock on the "wee red door" if we needed anything - anything at all.
This place kind of made me want to move to the Scottish countryside and invite people to pay to stay on our property. I could make brownies to welcome them (give the guests half, keep the other half).
where i am/where i've been in every other sense of the word:
simultaneously exhausted and refreshed...struggling and resting....enjoying and frustrated.
i kind of feel that the enemy has been trying to steal my joy every step of this journey - and at times i let him. at times i do believe i even stole my own joy. shot myself in the foot so to speak.
i battled big time in every place...
austria: fear, discouragement
sweden: unsettled with self, tired
scotland: frustrated, awkward, anxious
of course he wouldn't want me to enjoy this amazing time away from the ship. of course he would want to bring every weapon up out of his pack to try and distract me. of course he would drum up ridiculous lies to try and thwart the refreshment the Lord had for me. of course he would try and get me at odds with my best friend and frustrated with the 3 gifts that have been given to me in my children. of course he's not going to make it easy for me to enjoy the amazing gifts the Lord had for me during this time...
even now - he's whispering about his victory....about how i was an easy target and he didn't even have to try. BUT he hasn't won. sucka. he's so deceived.
yes, there have been tough moments for me...quite tough. it's hard to share those - you don't really post pictures of miscommunication and aggravation and sadness....i love to be real and i don't mind admitting my struggles and shortcomings - i welcome vulnerability and rawness - but those things usually show up in personal conversations and emails - not public venues like facebook or blogs.
yes, there have been tears and sighs and crying out in desperation....there's been selfishness and yuck and sincere sadness...
BUT there has been laughter and joy and fun and memories made! i have hundreds of pictures that prove that these past few weeks have been from the Lord and have been full of great moments and memories made with Him and with those i had the pleasure of being with. i have pages of notes and thoughts and jottings that talk of the goodness and faithfulness of God even in the midst of my not so wonderful moments. i have dozens of thankful list entries that are directly related to the gift of this holiday.
i have memories of goodness that far outweigh the memories of the not so good. for that i am thankful.
austria: beautiful, restful, incredible
sweden: loved, hosted, blessed
scotland: wonderful, refreshing, lovely
choosing to remember the good and not focus on the bad....maybe some would call it naive or unrealistic or even a form of deception....but i'm looking at it as wisdom, victory and Love. a realistic view with a grateful heart...
