raw thoughts. good friday.

there was something about the hammers...

all placed around the cross...just waiting for the nails to be pounded in...

and then the noise of it.  it was a loud ache in my heart.

"it was my sin that held Him there...."  my sin.  His love.  my failure.  His love.  my screw-ups.  His love.

the question was posed "if you were at the foot of the cross, what would you say or do?"

kneeling...weeping...i'm sorry.  i'm so sorry.  for my sin and my selfishness...for my pride and arrogance...i'm so sorry.  i'm so sorry you are getting what i deserve. how can you stand it, Jesus?  how can you stand it, God?

He says "because I love you."

tears streaming...the focus shifting from me to Him.  thank you. thank you. thank you.

thank you that friday is not the end.  it's such an uncomfortable place...the worst waiting ever.  hanging. waiting for Sunday.

thank you, God, that friday is not the end...it's hopeless and dark and empty.  i don't like hopeless and dark and empty. it's unpleasant.

coming face to face with my sin and shortcomings is not pleasant.  it's downright painful and uncomfortable - though those words don't come close to describing it accurately.  throw in some devastating and ugly...horrible...wretched...unacceptable...now i'm starting to scratch the surface.

it makes His love all the more significant.