this is from an email i sent to a new friend who was given the diagnosis of anecephaly (i still don't think i spell that). i reread it the other day and thought it was pretty thorough and accurate...and worth sharing (i updated the ages of our kids!).
"...first, i'll give you a very brief bio...the first thing i want you to know is that i LOVE questions - so feel free to ask me anything, anytime!!! as far as "real" bio stuff -- i'm married to an incredible incredible man, nick...we have 3 kids (eli - 5, caroline - 4, emma - almost 1 year)...i work part time for a non-profit ministry called teen advisors (nick is the executive director)...most of the time i'm a "stay at home mom" (though i'm not sure what i think about that term)...God's leading us to homeschool...we're also in the early stages of adopting.
my story sounds pretty similar to yours...we went in at almost 22 weeks for an ultrasound expecting to come out knowing the gender of our baby...but came out with completely different news. as the ultrasound tech (sweet sweet lady) was looking at the baby i could sort of tell something wasn't quite "right"...i even asked "so if something's not right will you tell us or will our doctor?" she said "you're doctor will tell us...."...and she kept taking pictures and stuff...after a few more minutes she said "i'll be right back..."....then she came back with our doctor. big sigh.
our 2 kids came with us to see their new brother or sister. looking back it was sweet how they handled it...caroline just sort of crawled up beside me and held my hand (which she doesn't do very often!!!). eli hung out with nick. it was like God was comforting us through them - though they really didn't grasp what was going on. that appointment was on monday...we saw a specialist on wednesday (and that didn't feel "quick" enough!!). the specialist confirmed all that my doctor had said. we decided to induce labor and went in on thursday night. andrew was born on saturday afternoon. he lived for just a few minutes (exactly what our doctor had told us).
i know some people completely disagree with what we did - i suppose they would consider it abortion or killing an unborn child...and some people would continue praying for a miracle - for complete healing. and while i KNOW that i KNOW that i KNOW that God is capable of healing - of putting a skull where there was not one - nick and i didn't feel like that was what was in it for us. we prayed and sought God and completely surrendered it to him and we both were lead to the same conclusion that i was not to carry the baby the entire 9 months. we felt like God gave us "permission" to take the baby off of life support (the life support being my womb). NOT an easy decision...but that was God's leading - and we've been reassurred of that time and time again.
one of the most precious things that God shared with me as i was grieving the loss of our little one was this thought - that andrew was getting to learn about jesus from jesus! he didn't have to get it second hand through me and nick!
another part of our story that happened about 7 months before all of this (pre-quel to andrew!) is that we lost another baby - i went in for a regular checkup at 13 weeks and my doctor couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. according to measurements that little one died around 11 weeks. they weren't really sure what went wrong - but the 2 losses weren't related.
the next part (post-quel??) is that we were able to get pregnant again and everything went fabulously fine with that pregnancy - and now we have a beautiful chunky peaceful little girl named emma who is healthy and whole (the name emma means whole - but that's another story!!).
so...there ya go. i love that you referenced that matt redman song in your blog...LOVE that song. that was a huge one for me during that time...and the part of "blessed be your name" about how God gives and takes away - and how we CHOOSE to say "blessed be Your name!"....there was also one other song that God really used during that whole season of life -i don't know who sings it...but the line that was so significant was "all that you hold in store is all that i want, oh Lord" -- even if what He holds in store doesn't feel so good....even if what He holds in store is at the opposite end of the spectrum from what i think i want.
i'm here and am happy to walk through this with you (i really appreciate the verse about bearing one another's burdens)...but please don't feel any pressure to have to reply back...
praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compasion and the God of comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 2 corinthians 1:3-4
may His comfort be yours.
dianna
