30 November 2010

because i wanted to make a list

7 reasons why i love rainy days

-the sound of the rain falling is soothing
-rain takes the pressure off to "be productive"
-naps are just better on rainy days
-it brings out creativity...since going for a walk/to the playground isn't an option we've got to come up with other things to do (today it reading in our fort and indoor exercising...quite entertaining)
-if you do happen to go out, it's a totally different experience than on unrainy days
-rain is a change of pace...changes of pace are nice
-it's a reminder that God is Provider

yes, i'd love to....our God saves

i’ve decided that when any of my children start a sentence with “Mama do you want to see….?” i want my response to be “yes! i’d love to!” as often as possible….always would be ideal.

the song “Our God Saves” is a little hard for me to sing….well, it’s not that hard to sing – it just sends my head on a thought tangent. i usually think “God, i know you save….but what about our boys…” my human thought is usually “you didn’t save andrew or sweet little teddy…” He always gently responds “yes, I did. I saved them…they are safe and saved.” i wonder if i'll always think of them when i hear that song…that would be ok. i wonder what all He saved them from – life here on earth…hardship…disease…destruction…addiction…who knows. and i wonder what He saved us from by letting them be immediately with Him – a long fight with cancer….a tragic accident….a heartache like we’ve never known. thank you, God, for being in control…for knowing the plans you have for us – plans to give us a hope and a future. thank you for saving – even in the midst of what looks like losing. You are so good.

in light of those thoughts, i think i’ll share an e-mail from a few months ago…next post please (said in the tone that the teacher says “next slide please”) :)

18 November 2010

it might tell you alot me

this is from an email i sent to a new friend who was given the diagnosis of anecephaly (i still don't think i spell that). i reread it the other day and thought it was pretty thorough and accurate...and worth sharing (i updated the ages of our kids!).



"...first, i'll give you a very brief bio...the first thing i want you to know is that i LOVE questions - so feel free to ask me anything, anytime!!! as far as "real" bio stuff -- i'm married to an incredible incredible man, nick...we have 3 kids (eli - 5, caroline - 4, emma - almost 1 year)...i work part time for a non-profit ministry called teen advisors (nick is the executive director)...most of the time i'm a "stay at home mom" (though i'm not sure what i think about that term)...God's leading us to homeschool...we're also in the early stages of adopting.

my story sounds pretty similar to yours...we went in at almost 22 weeks for an ultrasound expecting to come out knowing the gender of our baby...but came out with completely different news. as the ultrasound tech (sweet sweet lady) was looking at the baby i could sort of tell something wasn't quite "right"...i even asked "so if something's not right will you tell us or will our doctor?" she said "you're doctor will tell us...."...and she kept taking pictures and stuff...after a few more minutes she said "i'll be right back..."....then she came back with our doctor. big sigh.


our 2 kids came with us to see their new brother or sister. looking back it was sweet how they handled it...caroline just sort of crawled up beside me and held my hand (which she doesn't do very often!!!). eli hung out with nick. it was like God was comforting us through them - though they really didn't grasp what was going on. that appointment was on monday...we saw a specialist on wednesday (and that didn't feel "quick" enough!!). the specialist confirmed all that my doctor had said. we decided to induce labor and went in on thursday night. andrew was born on saturday afternoon. he lived for just a few minutes (exactly what our doctor had told us).

i know some people completely disagree with what we did - i suppose they would consider it abortion or killing an unborn child...and some people would continue praying for a miracle - for complete healing. and while i KNOW that i KNOW that i KNOW that God is capable of healing - of putting a skull where there was not one - nick and i didn't feel like that was what was in it for us. we prayed and sought God and completely surrendered it to him and we both were lead to the same conclusion that i was not to carry the baby the entire 9 months. we felt like God gave us "permission" to take the baby off of life support (the life support being my womb). NOT an easy decision...but that was God's leading - and we've been reassurred of that time and time again.

one of the most precious things that God shared with me as i was grieving the loss of our little one was this thought - that andrew was getting to learn about jesus from jesus! he didn't have to get it second hand through me and nick!


another part of our story that happened about 7 months before all of this (pre-quel to andrew!) is that we lost another baby - i went in for a regular checkup at 13 weeks and my doctor couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. according to measurements that little one died around 11 weeks. they weren't really sure what went wrong - but the 2 losses weren't related.

the next part (post-quel??) is that we were able to get pregnant again and everything went fabulously fine with that pregnancy - and now we have a beautiful chunky peaceful little girl named emma who is healthy and whole (the name emma means whole - but that's another story!!).

so...there ya go. i love that you referenced that matt redman song in your blog...LOVE that song. that was a huge one for me during that time...and the part of "blessed be your name" about how God gives and takes away - and how we CHOOSE to say "blessed be Your name!"....there was also one other song that God really used during that whole season of life -i don't know who sings it...but the line that was so significant was "all that you hold in store is all that i want, oh Lord" -- even if what He holds in store doesn't feel so good....even if what He holds in store is at the opposite end of the spectrum from what i think i want.

i'm here and am happy to walk through this with you (i really appreciate the verse about bearing one another's burdens)...but please don't feel any pressure to have to reply back...

praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compasion and the God of comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 2 corinthians 1:3-4

may His comfort be yours.
dianna

there, i said it...and random other thoughts.

facebook is officially good for something in my life (not just a thief of time or an avenue to needlessly compare myself to others) - if for no other reason than to be able to receive and read the birthday wishes of so many, i am thankful for facebook. there, i said it.

during our vacation there was one day where we were on the gatlinburg bypass - it's BEAUTIFUL...and winding...peaceful.... and i was contrasting that road to the main street through gatlinburg -- it's busy...and commercialized...and crowded...and so "of the world" in so many ways...and i just had the sense that God was showing me something about our lives in those 2 roads. i don't know....i just don't want to look like the world. at all. and yet i do in some ways.... i don't know if God wants to use those roads to teach me anything else....or if He's going to clarify what He was saying...but it was a holy moment on the gatlinburg bypass.

other favorite moments from our trip: emma sliding down the slide into the balls, friday night walk and baskin robbins with nick, caroline's dancing and singing, eli's late night reading

least favorite moment: falling off of the counter. silly pride.

random thought - if you ever have something specific that you'd like me to write about, i'd LOVE for you to let me know. email me anytime.... dianna@teenadvisors.org ...but please only give me one topic/question at a time in the email...otherwise i'll get a little overwhelmed with the choice and may not ever write about any of them.

adoption update: the adoption process is still in process. we're waiting to hear from bethany (the adoption agency...not a person) what our next step is....the ball is definitely not in our court right now. i am peacefully waiting to see what (who) God has for us.

i'm not sure why i'm still up and sitting at this computer (the time mark on this post is going to be 7 something....really it's 11:15). i really want to be asleep. i'm going to head that way. thanks for sharing life with me. good night.

01 November 2010

time for an amy q! recharging!!

what do you do to recharge yourself and when do you find the time to do so?

to recharge myself i: spend time with God....spend time away from my house...spend time without my kids (sometimes all 3 of those happen at the same time! actually, it happens weekly at Crave....i'm so thankful for that time!)...spend time with friends....go on dates with nick!...take naps (sometimes while the tallest 2 are watching a video i just lay right down on the futon and snooze)...i read...i blog! ha. there may be other things...but that's what's coming to mind.

when do i find the time to do so? i'm so thankful for the structure of my week....i feel like i have plenty of "built in" time where i am recharged 1) during my kids' rest time/nap time - sitting still with God and His word is my top priority...not dishes or laundry...or checking email....not getting on facebook. HIM. if there's time left over i try to use it to do things that i want to do - read or nap or check email. 2) wednesdays from 11:00-12:15 = crave with childcare = beautiful. 3)some weeknights if nick is home i'll "escape" for a bit after the kids go to bed....go to chick-fil-a and enjoy their free wi-fi....or go for a walk (in the summer time when it's not dark yet)....or meet a friend for coffee...i'm so thankful for a husband who not only "allows" that but encourages me to if that's what i need 4)date night is definitely a recharger for me - and for our marriage. those usually happen on wednesday nights. 5)community group on tuesday nights 6)friday fun on (you guessed it) friday mornings.

thinking about this is causing my heart to well up with thankfulness...thankful for the life God's blessed me with....thankful for the community that i am a part of...thankful that God is so faithful to refresh me and restore me...