gifts throughout my week.

• strawberry blow pops
• muffins from molly
• early morning hugs from emma
• caroline's cool skater girl vibes (photo credit: marvelous molly)

• LJ's almost done with his history project!!
• reading in the pick up line
• tennis with jon and sofia
• peacock feathers and the fun they can provide (though this picture doesn't really capture the fun that was happening)

• community group leaders retreat -perfect mixture of purpose, rest, enjoyment, fun, refreshing, meaningful.
• all the kids got cared for during the weekend 
• kids who wait well (for the most part)
• selfies with these teenagers that i get to live with

• everyone is officially caught up on all immunizations
• unexpected trip to six flags for the 2 eldest
• tasty chicken salad chick
•  zoe's peaceful sleeping self

• when nick busts out the snoop dogg lyrics
• the hall family.  i admire their strength and courage and patience and obedience. 
• LJ's leaf blowing skillz (and how he went above and beyond!)
• putting a face to a name (ruth haley barton) and getting to hear teaching from someone who has impacted me greatly (primarily through her book "invitation to silence and solitude")

• the electricity came back on
• nick got me a window seat for my birthday!
• eli's wit and jokes and puns
• moving the chalkboard to the carport.  it's the little things. 

always something...even when the week feels crummy.

not gonna pretend this was an easy week.  it's been a tough week and i've had a tough time finding things to be thankful for....i started this blog post with 3 things written down (they've got a "*")....but as i thought back through the week, God reminded me of so many more gifts He placed along my path.  

• *seeing all the power and tree trucks headed to the coast to help in the aftermath of Hurricane Michael
• we don't have to crank eli's mouth appliance any more for the time being
• mug treats and kids to share them with
• meeting Nigeria the cashier and how amused she was by how much i loved her name
• *running water, indoor plumbing, working washing machine, cleaning supplies - sickness could be so much worse without these luxuries
• CFA mystery breakfast (Columbus Park Crossing every Wednesday morning from now until the end of the 2018!)
• i've gotten more than 4 interrupted hours of sleep very nearly every other night of my life
• evening soccer games (cooler temperatures, pretty sky...all around more enjoyable)
  

• dinner with the moore family
• *pam's tap dancing 
• caroline's back handspring
• emma's gut wrenching heart felt prayers when she was feeling so sick  - "God, heal me...please heal me...God, I need you...." 
• LJ's oma came to his soccer game saturday
• Oma's kindness with the water and the envelope
• the way noonday collection supports adoptions
• LJ's hair cut (i wish i could post pictures...)
• fun costumes + fabulous kids + velocity masquerade

• conversations in the car in the carport with eli
• the person working at Baskin Robbins gave me a medium cappucino blast when i ordered a small
• joy lane farms
• the intentional way amy lives - allowing God to bring more and more healing and wholeness and wellness.  i love her. 
• super mom molly loading up the van and taking 11 billion kids to the skate park
• they let me return the remote control car that only lasted about a day
• emma's "swiss family robinson project" - makes me laugh that they assign themselves projects sometimes
• caroline's help (initiative) cleaning up after community group
• my african fabric picnic blanket...and cool weather that makes sitting/laying outside on it so very wonderful
  

there's always, always, always something to thank God for....even when the week feels hard, exhausting, sick and sucky. 

so much.

• nick, brad and tyler's friendship (and that they watched a dumb movie together)
• easy drive to cape canaveral
• tiny reminders of beauty and thoughtfulness

• the reminder of the importance of "...a spirit of gratitude and satisfaction..." - ready or not
• yaya's extreme generosity to make our "girls' trip" possible (hopefully there will be a blog post and pictures to come)

• time to catch up on reading
• treadmills
• Truth from Mike Foster

• all the reminders of life on the AFM
• karaoke laughing
• the way yaya loves to dance
• game of sorry in the library
• the beauty of it all

• the way the man was talking to his daughter - listening, loving, correcting
• french fries + cherry coke + solitude
• "mom, will you take a picture with me?" - caroline
• caroline's british accent (and the fun it brought to our fancy dinners)
• fancy dinner

• towel animals
• the way emma uses cartwheels as a mode of transportation
• back home safe and sound
• no hurricane damage
• how capable nick is (and his willingness to cover everything so i could be away for a few days) - and not just capable...super capable - "has the house completely clean, moves the cars to protect them from potential hurricane damage, working on his doctorate, taking care of 3 kids, continuing to go to work" capable. 

Remembering....God is good.

I remember Dr. Stewart not finding a heartbeat at a routine 13 week check-up.   

I remember getting the call that the one we had decided would be Samuel would not be ours after all.  

I remember losing our precious Andrew.  A baby developing without a skull didn't make sense to me - one tiny flap didn't form at the right time.  One tiny flap that I knew hadn't escaped God's perfect knitting together of this beloved boy.  One tiny flap. 

And I remember thinking that hard things happen - and they don't make sense...

I remember Dr. Stewart cutting my belly 3 times and bringing 3 healthy babies into our world.

I remember getting the call that the birth mom had chosen us. 

I remember (with the help of pictures) getting to celebrate the birthdays of our children....all 34 birthdays (so far)

And I remember thinking that good things happen - and they don't make sense...  

No, we didn't "deserve" to not get to bring a baby home from the hospital after delivering him...and we didn't "deserve" to have the baby that was all but promised to us given to another family...but we also didn't "deserve" to bring home 3 healthy babies from the hospital...and we didn't "deserve" to be chosen to be family to our sweet little Zoe Grace...and we don't "deserve" to have kids who are healthy and thriving and growing.     

Thank you, God, that you do not give us what we deserve.  

Our God is good.  Regardless of the outcome.  It's easy to say that He's good when the outcome is what we hoped it would be.  When the surgery is successful. When the baby is born healthy.  When the promotion is given.  When the child is obedient. When there is nothing major going on.  

But what about when death is what you're dealing with?  What about when you can not get (or stay) pregnant?  What about when the promotion is given to someone else?  What about when the child is pitching fits and defiantly disobeying?  What about when you get a diagnosis that you hate? What about when you just don't see how things are ever going to get better? What about when you're sick of being single?  What about when the marriage ends?  What about...what about...what about....

Even then.  

God is good. 

He is good. 

Truly all of the time.  

REMEMBER.  The word keeps coming up...and there is a book by the authentically gorgeous Annie F. Downs and there is a song by the faithful Steven Curtis Chapman...

I want to "remember to remember" that He is good.  Always. 

And it came to my heart today as I was grieving for a friend in the car...His Goodness has nothing to do with our circumstances.  

Whether I see it...whether I feel it...whether I can remember or not...He is good.  He is faithful.  He is love.  He is for us.  He is with us.  He is enough.  

And I want to write this on a day when I can feel it and see it and I have a bazillion examples of His goodness laying on my lap and filling up my heart...I want to have a record of it because somedays it is hard for me sense His nearness and His goodness - it is there, always there...I'm asking Him to increase my ability to remember and recognize. 

May we recognize His goodness in the darkest of nights and in the brightest of days.  May we remember His goodness on the smoothest of roads and on the most tumultuous of trails.  May we hold tight to His goodness on the delightful days as well as the dreadful ones.  

Call it to mind.  He is faithful.  He is good. 

God is good.

He is good. 

Truly all of the time. 

Surely there will be more to come.  

so many gifts. so many.

• ONE conference.
• Clement-Arts
• 85% off swimsuit top for caroline.  (sweet example of God doing immeasurably more...i was hoping for around $10...it was $2)
• not giving in to passive aggressive communication/moments of maintaining good boundaries
• 2 sweet friends jumping into the lake in October

•  grandaddy shared his m&ms
• "i am who You say i am." 
• "can i go up front and pray?" -LJ
• good use for the llama box - llama box has the ability to make most everything better
• an instagram account that makes me smile (and says things that i wish i was funny enough to come up with)

• track to walk on during LJ's soccer practice
• "here again" - elevation worship 
• pumpkin scones/time with amy
• "all that is to come" - christy nockels
• katie's visit...coffee and conversation and amazing gifts (that are not only fabulous gifts but are beautifully presented as well)

• riding bikes with nick for date night (and the way he asked if i would be willing to try the trail again)(and i did it and didn't hate it!)
• laura lea's kindness...what a treasure of a necklace
• gina ashley.  she's a hero of mine. 
• the anticipation of a wonderful trip
• the village foster care place.  what.a.blessing. 

ordinary extraordinary thursday - it's a girl!

It's hard to put into words what happened on Thursday.  In some ways everything changed. In some ways nothing is different. We drove to Gadsden, Alabama, a judge signed some documents and now Zoe is officially a Cash.  3 hours there, 20 minutes in the courtroom, 3 hours back.  It was well worth the drive (and the Cracker Barrel breakfast on the way was delicious). 

This picture (below) makes me laugh...I was standing up with Zoe (cause she was a little fussy) and then we were supposed to swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth - I actually have no idea if that's what the judge said...I just said "I do." (but my face is saying "I've never done this before..." - and I love that Caroline is holding up her hand - granted it's her left hand but she is holding it up nonetheless)...but I don't think we were supposed to be standing up...

...but wonderful Nick stood up with me.  (as he does.  i love him standing with me...and me standing with him.  together with him is my favorite place to be.)

And then our lawyer told us we could sit down :)

I had imagined things a bit differently - the courtroom was much larger in my imagination (think something from a John Grisham novel/movie).  There definitely would have been a little lady in the corner typing notes (think Ethel Beavers from Parks and Rec).  And we would have made more vows (think wedding...love and cherish 'til death do us part).

It was all rather simple (as we had been told!  Fabulous Emily from Lifeline had assured us that "this wasn't a day for surprises" - the judge was making official what had already been decided).  We were asked our names and occupations...a couple of seconds later our lawyer (that's funny to say...we've never had a lawyer before!!) gently and calmly said "I'm watching the judge as he signs...Zoe Grace is officially yours."  

And that was that.  Lawyer Bob and Judge Junkins started talking about football.  

We took some pictures.  (well, mainly Sweet Libby, Bob's assistant, took some pictures)

And then...a tremendous thing happened.  Judge Junkins gave Zoe an elephant.  A sweet gesture, for sure...but, even more than a sweet token of this special day, that elephant is a Holy Reminder that God is and has been a part of this entire adoption process.  I've loved baby elephants for a long time (part of the reason behind my blog header)...and come to find out, Zoe's birth mama loves elephants, too....and somehow God used elephants to confirm her decision to choose us as Zoe's parents. Maybe some day I'll know the significance of the elephants that have been a part of Zoe's life and Melinda's decision to choose us...maybe someday I'll get to hear the whole story.

Yes, she is officially ours. But by all Kingdom measures, she has been ours all along.  She became ours when Melinda chose us to parent the baby she gave birth to. She became ours when she came to our home from the hospital.  But REALLY really, she is His.  His design, His creation, His beloved baby girl, His delightful daughter....we're just the lucky ridiculously blessed ones that get to share life, home and love with her.

Zoe Grace Cash.  I like the sound of that.  ZGC.  Those are some lovely initials.

All day Thursday I couldn't get one of my favorite African Worship songs out of my head -- "Great things He has done, greater things He will do.  Unto the Lord be the glory.  Great things He has done."

Here's a link if want to listen to it and get a taste of African worship (this is the only version I could find on youtube...I wish I could share a version from our friends from the ship - no offense to this version but Koffi and George and Emmanuel and Clementine do it way better!) Unto the Lord

If you happen to love that worship, here's a link to Some more favorites

We came home to balloons on our fence and later our community group gathered to celebrate Zoe's last name being Cash...and there was delicious food, fabulous fellowship (including a certain dave-o in Australia!) and fireworks - along with some thoughtful gifts shared!

I hope our neighbors have forgiven us for the noise.

And life has continued on as usual.  Nothing has changed.  Everything is different.

Surely there will be more to come.

thankfulness is always a good idea.

• hunt brothers pizza (again)
• time in the car to listen to podcasts (6 hours!!!)
• having a friend call to share that she had confetti cake for breakfast (i'm so proud!) 
• how much these 3 enjoyed looking at their artwork on artsonia

• when eli wants to talk to us about stuff
• pouring rain + avett brothers 
• when a friend does something incredibly difficult but oh so brave and oh so right
• grandaddy and zoe at bareware pottery - it's a cash kid tradition to get your foot painted and stamped on a tile

• fresh flowers (and how long they've lasted...more cool points for aldi)
• one unsatisfied guest isn't the end of the world (my worth and identity have nothing to do with the opinions of people!)
• praying with LJ
• emma brought fresh out of the oven cookies to me on the porch (nicely presented to boot!)

• the fun/joy of having kids sleepover (it's fun to be able to say yes)(and it's fun when they go to sleep at a timely hour)
• velocity. so very thankful that eli and caroline have chosen to join.
• ok sun.  it's more than ok. that rice is the best. as is date night. 
• the fabulous ladies going to cyprus and the work God is going to do through them

• caroline's popcorn making skillz
• when a kid makes a mistake but immediately does the right thing in confessing it/making it right
• time with suzie - she has a way of making people feel valuable
• the judge gave her an elephant...God reminded me of His presence and approval

• time in kingdom kids
• the ease of turning in the paper work at dfcs on tuesday
• sincere compliments
• all things adoption are official and final (blog post to come...)